I hate this illness

Its taken away so much away from me, my friends, the respect of my family, my prospects of a better life, my physical health, my will to live. I just look in the mirror everyday and I just hate what I see. It sickens me to see in just 2 years what I've become, I'm a shell of my former self. I'm pathetic and a failure.

I truly understand. I wish there was a quick fix or a miracle drug to treat bipolar.

Seriously, your prospects for a better life are very good if it is true what you're saying. That's not some cheap joke at your expense, but a new way to look at your (new) life. Better accept it as it now is (but never stop trying for stability: your life back, even if it's momentarily!)

You are (probably) gonna fail a lot more often, but after (and towards the end of) each depression you have the chance to regain what you lost. It is not easy, not fun, but it can restore the belief and let you see the strength, in yourself if you try. Slowly but surely you will do better again. The friends you lost probably weren't the best friend material if they don't wait for you at the other end. It really can safe you time that way, finding the best, lifelong friends to spend most time with.

Hope you feel better. Then go for it!

Thank you for all the hugs! I guess I'm depressed because I have to start university on Monday and I honestly see no way of finishing my medical degree, I'm so unstable and the stress is taking a toll on me mentally. I feel like I wasted 3 years of my life, and my university won't even credit me for a bachelor in science. I don't have the financial means to start a new degree from scratch, its so frustrating, I just want to cry but I have no tears left.

All you can do is take it one day at a time. Make small goals for yourself and reward yourself for them.

Life is hard for everyone, and even harder for those of us with mental illness. But that makes us stronger than everyone else. To be able to overcome life in general is a great feat, to overcome and accomplish your goals while you are suffering is incredible. And putting yourself through med school- simply amazing! Even if it takes you a bit longer, it would be an awesome accomplishment.

You're a survivor. You can do this. You are great- even if you dont feel like it right now.

Take less classes till you feel stronger.
You'll get there. Have faith. Work on self esteem.

Its so hard to have faith when every turn I seem to take is a dead end, I'm really trying my best but I find the forum very helpful and I'm very glad I joined