[Elinay]

I'm Hannah. I was diagnosed with Bipolar1 1.5 years ago when I suffered a psychotic break after serious trauma. I was hospitalized and put on two medications; Tegretol and Risperdal. I stayed on Risperdal for a year and have just weened off the Tegretol. I hope I am not alone in my experience of severe anhedonia with the start of these medications.
I have lost all emotion. I have been functioning as a zombie for the past year and a half. I feel no joy, love, hope... nothing but flattness. Four months ago my prescriber took me off the Risperdal. I regained some mental clarity and personality after stopping it but had no return of emotion. Five days ago I discontinued my Tegretol. I am currently taking 200mg of Seraquil, and no other medications for my illness.
I am an artist and scientist. I have lost all my passion and heart for my work. I am losing hope and I fear greatly that I am damaged permanently. I don't know what to do from here... All I can do is wait. Does anyone have any advice? Similar stories? Anything helps. I want my life back.

[pirilin]

Hi Hanna,
I'm sorry you are feeling so flat and worried.
The human mind can recuperate from a lot more given time.
I'm sure someone with more experience in those meds will chime in soon.
Good food and supplements can also make a difference.
Posting here was a positive step. Keep trying to help yourself.

[Elinay]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Hi Hanna,
I'm sorry you are feeling so flat and worried.
The human mind can recuperate from a lot more given time.
I'm sure someone with more experience in those meds will chime in soon.
Good food and supplements can also make a difference.
Posting here was a positive step. Keep trying to help yourself.

Thank you so much!

Oh yeah I totally relate. I was on risperdal and depakote for four or five months after my psychotic break last year. While the medications worked and snapped me out of it, I felt like a complete zombie. It was horrible. No emotion, affect, nothing. It felt like my whole personality was wiped out.
I switched doctors and they took me off of those meds. I went on a small dose of lamictal and imipramine and slowly my personality came back. It did take a little while.

[Elinay]

Originally Posted by jupiter3

Oh yeah I totally relate. I was on risperdal and depakote for four or five months after my psychotic break last year. While the medications worked and snapped me out of it, I felt like a complete zombie. It was horrible. No emotion, affect, nothing. It felt like my whole personality was wiped out.
I switched doctors and they took me off of those meds. I went on a small dose of lamictal and imipramine and slowly my personality came back. It did take a little while.

How long did it take ?

[venusss]

It will come back. Your emotions are there, they are just burried now, by the chemistry and the unconscious opression. But it exists still.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I've also been on many med changes.
Some burn out after awhile. Some you have a hard time dealing with the side effects of certain Meds.
Some Meds just don't work after you've given them ample time.

On my current Meds I can not cry. I'm a watercolor artist. I haven't painted in almost 2 years. Even though while manic I bought all new supplies.

[Elinay]

I sure hope they come back... It's been four months off the risperdal and a week off the tegretol I just cannot fathom living my life like a robot forever...

I would say it took about 4-6 months. So I would bet in the next few months you will continue to gain it back, little by little.
I've never been on tegretol so can't speak to that, but you were on risperdal for significantly longer than me so I think it would take a little longer to get out of your system. However they will get out of your system and you will regain your emotions.
It's a really ****** state of being but I truly believe that it is temporary, med induced, and reversible.

[Elinay]

Originally Posted by jupiter3

I would say it took about 4-6 months. So I would bet in the next few months you will continue to gain it back, little by little.
I've never been on tegretol so can't speak to that, but you were on risperdal for significantly longer than me so I think it would take a little longer to get out of your system. However they will get out of your system and you will regain your emotions.
It's a really ****** state of being but I truly believe that it is temporary, med induced, and reversible.

Thank you so much! Big hugs.

[Icare dixit]

Lamotrigine also really helped me get back seeing the meaning in things.

Since you're feeling emotionally flat, you might want to just do what seemed meaningful before (maybe even some things you pursued during "up" times), with the knowledge that you are now able to do them without derailing. Slowly but surely you might recapture what it was that gave you so much energy and drive, but in a healthy way.

I don't know how much you remember of your time before BP hit or afterwards during stable periods, but it's possible it is not much different from how you feel now.

Regrettably, most people in society just go through the motions without feeling much, I think. It's just the (Western) society we built for ourselves: one of peace and comfort, but also oftentimes more or less devoid of meaning.

Maybe this from the lyrics of "You, Me and the Bourgeoisie" by The Submarines will help you put things in perspective: "Here I am with all the pleasures of the First World, laid out for me. Who am I to break down?"

I think managing BP is really the art of counter-balancing being too hard on yourself at times, but equally being too soft at other times. At any rate, don't mind what others say, but act responsibly for all your actions at any time and sometimes just count your blessings and fight or muddle on.

[Elinay]

Originally Posted by venusss

It will come back. Your emotions are there, they are just burried now, by the chemistry and the unconscious opression. But it exists still.

I hope you are right. I am so afraid of living the rest of my life like this. The more time that passes the more I fear it is permenant damage...

[Elinay]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Lamotrigine also really helped me get back seeing the meaning in things.

Since you're feeling emotionally flat, you might want to just do what seemed meaningful before (maybe even some things you pursued during "up" times), with the knowledge that you are now able to do them without derailing. Slowly but surely you might recapture what it was that gave you so much energy and drive, but in a healthy way.

I don't know how much you remember of your time before BP hit or afterwards during stable periods, but it's possible it is not much different from how you feel now.

Regrettably, most people in society just go through the motions without feeling much, I think. It's just the (Western) society we built for ourselves: one of peace and comfort, but also oftentimes more or less devoid of meaning.

Maybe this from the lyrics of "You, Me and the Bourgeoisie" by The Submarines will help you put things in perspective: "Here I am with all the pleasures of the First World, laid out for me. Who am I to break down?"

I think managing BP is really the art of counter-balancing being too hard on yourself at times, but equally being too soft at other times. At any rate, don't mind what others say, but act responsibly for all your actions at any time and sometimes just count your blessings and fight or muddle on.

I have never felt like this before the drugs they gave me 1.5 years ago. I am doing all I can do to stimulate my brain. But nothing does, even the things that gave me the most joy in life are now flattened.
Thanks for the lyrics. I muddle on… with hope for my future.

[ColeM1100]

You can feel better it takes a lot of time and sometimes means switching medicines if you need to, but you can get back some emotion maybe you'll find something and you will feel like your old self again. No one really knows it's just a matter of wait and see

[Elinay]

Originally Posted by ColeM1100

You can feel better it takes a lot of time and sometimes means switching medicines if you need to, but you can get back some emotion maybe you'll find something and you will feel like your old self again. No one really knows it's just a matter of wait and see

Thank you. I hope I see some light soon. It's strange... In my dreams I can still feel emotions but as soon as I wake they vanish.