[Ocean Swimmer]

Oh man. Turned everything off, went to bed. Thought I had taken my night Meds. I lay there for what seemed like hours. Getting more and more anxious.
Finally I checked, and sure enough, I hadn't taken my night Meds.
That mini experience really upset me. Now I feel like I'm addicted. Even though Dr and husband insist I take them.

Should I just forget it and take the pills, and pretend sometime in the future I'll be med free?

[1278]

I think part of accepting the fact we are bipolar means accepting that we might be on medication for the rest of our lives. I personally have had suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember so at some point I came to accept that I will have to take medication for probably the rest of my life. Its not an easy realization and it doesn't mean we won't have a relapse in the future and think "i'm okay without it, I should just stop" but I think that's why psychotherapy and support groups play such an important role in compliance. But I think this a question we all ask ourselves at some point.

[Roaming_bird]

I realized a while ago that I like myself better when I'm on meds. I'm nicer to be around. I have more control over my depression and anger. Sometimes I wonder what the real "me" is, but I know I'm so much more in control and stable on medications. Now it took me years to realize that, but I thank God I did.

[pirilin]

We do need the meds Ocean.
I've forgotten the xanax 2 days in a row.
Or have left the other half out of the vial.
I've been able to sleep. Which inclines me to the latter.

[Imah]

I can tell within 3 hrs if I miss my morning meds. I will probably be on meds all of my life. They really help reduce my mania which kicks in fast without them. I went without for 45ish years- 28 years after first diagnosis. Really imbalanced life. My lifestyle since acceptance and adherence to recognizing and guiding my issues had greatly improved.

[Icare dixit]

You probably need them, or you must be doing some marvellous job managing your anxiety. Unfortunately, this might mean total isolation, for some. I'd say that's neither possible or preferred. You are then on your way to having the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. At any rate, it would mean being stable first (medicinally), to get your anxiety down, which takes years and one episode to have your efforts be in vain. Back to square one. Delusions and/or hallucinations underlying anxiety is another one: need to eliminate that first. Also a total catch-22 without meds. Not to mention childhood trauma.

I would just be thankful there now are pretty good meds to help manage your BP. And in the meantime try to minimise the use of meds (or supplements) only if you feel completely stable, without anxiety, in the most challenging of situations. Or if you retire or hit the jackpot.

[venusss]

You had a withdrawal symptons, because your body is used to the meds.

It is in no way indication if you "need" them or not, or if you will be on them for rest of your life. But going med free means developing a slew of coping strategies. And then going off slowly, very slowly.

[Ocean Swimmer]

What you guys say make sense.

But after a major episode with multiple ECT and ip, I really do feel I'm back to square one.
Needing to relearn coping strategies. Talk therapy. Weight loss. Better choices in diet.

[raspberrytorte]

Yeah. Wean first if you want off.

I didn't take my seroquel for two days and was so sick! Worse on the second day so I'm weaning off of it right now. It can kiss my ***! Nineteen pounds! I don't care if it was working. I'm not happy fat.

I'm staying on everything else though. My anxiety is so bad without meds. Do need something for that.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes Rasberry. Take it slow. I have some pills that I broke into 1/8 size with my pill cutter.
Maybe you need that stuff metaforin or whatever it's called. I thought about that. I'm up 35 lbs. nothing fits. I too am happier when I'm thinner.
I can't win with husband though. When coming home from last ip I was 50 lbs lighter. He said I looked terrible. Sagging skin. No muscle tone.
Now I've got cellulite on thighs. Bigger tummy than I've had in my life. Giant boobs. I do still have a waistline and muscles from swimming.

Men are mean.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Yes Rasberry. Take it slow. I have some pills that I broke into 1/8 size with my pill cutter.
Maybe you need that stuff metaforin or whatever it's called. I thought about that. I'm up 35 lbs. nothing fits. I too am happier when I'm thinner.
I can't win with husband though. When coming home from last ip I was 50 lbs lighter. He said I looked terrible. Sagging skin. No muscle tone.
Now I've got cellulite on thighs. Bigger tummy than I've had in my life. Giant boobs. I do still have a waistline and muscles from swimming.

Men are mean.

Methylfolate is marketed as Metafolin (it is licensed for use in supplements, so these supplements in turn are marketed under different names, but Metafolin will be in the small print somewhere) and it may help you if your (plasma/blood) homocysteine levels are high. I'd suggest you check for that first because, the supplement being patented, it's quite expensive. If you take it, do take it with methyl-B12/-cobalamin however, otherwise it could remain ineffective (it's generic and cheaper and most/many supplements that have methylfolate have both). Acetylcysteine will always help, as an aside.

Not all men are mean. Anyway, they don't notice much, pretty much generally. Do what makes you feel best regardless what anyone might think, I'd say.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm in the mood to think men are mean.
When I have the opportunity to be pleased by a man, then I'll probably say men are nice.