[1278]

In the last 2 years I have been on over 15 different medication combinations have had 3 different psychiatrists and even tried ECT which did absolutely nothing. The definition of insanity, according to Einstein is "Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results". Am I expecting stability but its clearly not possible?

No, I think it is possible. Everyone here has probably tried a multitude of different medications.
I'm so sorry it's taking you so long to find the right cocktail.

[1278]

Thank you, its just hard to have hope when things just keep getting worse and I feel like I'm losing my mind in frustration, anger and desperation. I can't keep living like this anymore, I feel like I'm literally in hell.

[Roaming_bird]

I experienced something similar. I tried all the mood stabilizers and had horrible side effects. Antipsychotics were the same but worse. What stopped my depression in its tracks was ECT. That gave me a huge reprieve for years and years. Maybe that's an option?

[Ocean Swimmer]

He did say ECT didn't help.
And you are lucky it helped you.
I don't know if I'll ever completely recover. I'd rather jump from a plane with no parachute than have ECT again. Or ip.

Somethings that may help. Support group. Safety in numbers.

Move to a new house. Or different surroundings.

What meds have you tried? Sometimes a smaller dose of one or two meds is the most effective. It seems like pdocs will just pile on med after med without taking into account now difficult some of the side effects are.
Are you trying therapy or any alternative treatments?

[Nammu]

It's not just finding the right meds but also the correct cocktail. I tried of and on for years. I found out that 1. I can't take antidepressants- non at all 2. Benzos don't work for me. 3i need to take my meds close to the same time everyday. 4. I need to have good sleep hygiene (essential!) after all that I'm on three ave dose of meds and a sleeping med. I'm no longer over medicated.

It takes time with the trial and err approach of Pdocs.

[seoultous]

Different psychiatrists have different philosophies about meds. I found changing psychiatrists destabilizing because the new one threw out what I was taking and started from scratch with completely different meds. That clearly was not helpful. If you can find a pdoc who you like try to stick with him/her to get some continuity of care. Also, keep really good records of what meds you have been on, the combinations and the dosages to track side effects. Sometimes if you change doctors they don't actually do that great a job reading charts from other doctors.

Good luck and keep up the fight. You will find the cocktail that will get you more stable.

[1278]

Originally Posted by Roaming_bird

I experienced something similar. I tried all the mood stabilizers and had horrible side effects. Antipsychotics were the same but worse. What stopped my depression in its tracks was ECT. That gave me a huge reprieve for years and years. Maybe that's an option?

I did try ECT when I was severely depressed but it actually did nothing for me.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I have tried 71 combinations of meds since I started treating this. I'm considered treatment resistant and I also have had some bad reactions to meds.

I had one year when I was mostly stable. But the meds made it so that when we found some of the magic requirements for my body I have had good spells even while symptomatic at times. There are times that it isn't good, like the last year, but before that all started I'd been doing pretty well for a year or so.

Right now I'm on a new med that really needs to work as I'm about out of options. At least I feel a bit better than I did a month ago.

But what I've learned is that stability is great but it's entirely possible to live a decent life when not reaching that goal of stability. Sometimes good enough is really not too bad.

[1278]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

He did say ECT didn't help.
And you are lucky it helped you.
I don't know if I'll ever completely recover. I'd rather jump from a plane with no parachute than have ECT again. Or ip.

Somethings that may help. Support group. Safety in numbers.

Move to a new house. Or different surroundings.

I live in a third world country so the closest support group is 4 hours away. I can't really move because I'm only a student and I haven't even finished my degree yet unfortunately

[1278]

Originally Posted by jupiter3

What meds have you tried? Sometimes a smaller dose of one or two meds is the most effective. It seems like pdocs will just pile on med after med without taking into account now difficult some of the side effects are.
Are you trying therapy or any alternative treatments?

So many to name, cymgen, cipralex, effexor, prozac, topamax, rispederal, seroquel, abilify, geodon, lamictin of the top of my head. I gained 20 kgs in the last 6 months and was rapidly cycling because of all the antidepressants. I am going for psychotherapy.

[1278]

Originally Posted by Nammu

It's not just finding the right meds but also the correct cocktail. I tried of and on for years. I found out that 1. I can't take antidepressants- non at all 2. Benzos don't work for me. 3i need to take my meds close to the same time everyday. 4. I need to have good sleep hygiene (essential!) after all that I'm on three ave dose of meds and a sleeping med. I'm no longer over medicated.

It takes time with the trial and err approach of Pdocs.

I also can't take antidepressants but it took them 2 years and 6 hospital stays to figure that out!! I feel like I wasting so much time being unwell, its like I'm too sick to go to university but not sick enough to justify sitting at home. I feel so frustrated.

[1278]

Originally Posted by seoultous

Different psychiatrists have different philosophies about meds. I found changing psychiatrists destabilizing because the new one threw out what I was taking and started from scratch with completely different meds. That clearly was not helpful. If you can find a pdoc who you like try to stick with him/her to get some continuity of care. Also, keep really good records of what meds you have been on, the combinations and the dosages to track side effects. Sometimes if you change doctors they don't actually do that great a job reading charts from other doctors.

Good luck and keep up the fight. You will find the cocktail that will get you more stable.

Thank you for the kind words, the only reason I changed psychiatrists was the other two didn't know what to do with me so they 'referred me' to a college.

[1278]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I have tried 71 combinations of meds since I started treating this. I'm considered treatment resistant and I also have had some bad reactions to meds.

I had one year when I was mostly stable. But the meds made it so that when we found some of the magic requirements for my body I have had good spells even while symptomatic at times. There are times that it isn't good, like the last year, but before that all started I'd been doing pretty well for a year or so.

Right now I'm on a new med that really needs to work as I'm about out of options. At least I feel a bit better than I did a month ago.

But what I've learned is that stability is great but it's entirely possible to live a decent life when not reaching that goal of stability. Sometimes good enough is really not too bad.

I think its hard to accept because I just felt like the diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't exactly have a support system and just interacting on this site has given me some peace of mind in the darkest period of my life. I just don't know where to go from here or what to do and my parents keep putting pressure on me to get better but I can't control my emotions!

[pirilin]

Have you tried Lithium?.
I wan't too thrilled, but is working for me so far. Even if it's too soon to tell.
I'd rather have Li than ADs or APs.

[1278]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Have you tried Lithium?.
I wan't too thrilled, but is working for me so far. Even if it's too soon to tell.
I'd rather have Li than ADs or APs.

Its my last resort, I'm so scared because if it doesn't work, I have nothing left.

[1278]

Btw thank you everyone for your replies, just reading it means the world to me, I'm just hanging on by a thread basically and everyone's concern is moving.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I promise that you still have a lot more meds to try than lithium. (Which is a really good drug). I just started what is considered the "last resort" AP (clozapine) and while technically I have more options, they just are not safe because of how my body usually reacts to certain meds. It took me many years to actually run out of meds and even with having done that there are 1 or 2 that I haven't been able to try because I can't afford them. You still have a lot of the anti-convulsants, you haven't been on old APs and you have a few more atypicals. I started doing better after I went on an MAOI anti-depressant; the mechanism for it to work is very different than other ADs. Sometimes even when a number of drugs in a class haven't worked you'll try another and get results; that's what happened with Seroquel for me. I had been on a lot of atypicals (all of them but 2) and none had worked out and I was afraid of Seroquel but it was a good med for me for almost 9 years in the end.

I know it is hard to hold out when you feel like you've been on everything but keep remembering that you haven't been on everything and that there is still much hope for you and new meds all the time. Also, if you've been on all those meds in 6 months (if I understood you) then you've really not had time on them to know if they'll work. It takes 6-8 weeks on a good dosage to really know a med isn't working unless you have a reaction to it that means you have to come off. WAiting it out is not fun and can be extremely frustrating but it's the only way to really know if something helps.

It sounds like you are feeling really depressed over the diagnosis and pressured to be the same as you would be without bipolar. Those are really hard parts of the illness and I don't think they necessarily ever go away but it does and still can get easier.You are still you and nothing changes that. I remember really struggling with that part.

I'm glad you've found this board and hope you can feel less alone.

[1278]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I promise that you still have a lot more meds to try than lithium. (Which is a really good drug). I just started what is considered the "last resort" AP (clozapine) and while technically I have more options, they just are not safe because of how my body usually reacts to certain meds. It took me many years to actually run out of meds and even with having done that there are 1 or 2 that I haven't been able to try because I can't afford them. You still have a lot of the anti-convulsants, you haven't been on old APs and you have a few more atypicals. I started doing better after I went on an MAOI anti-depressant; the mechanism for it to work is very different than other ADs. Sometimes even when a number of drugs in a class haven't worked you'll try another and get results; that's what happened with Seroquel for me. I had been on a lot of atypicals (all of them but 2) and none had worked out and I was afraid of Seroquel but it was a good med for me for almost 9 years in the end.

I know it is hard to hold out when you feel like you've been on everything but keep remembering that you haven't been on everything and that there is still much hope for you and new meds all the time. Also, if you've been on all those meds in 6 months (if I understood you) then you've really not had time on them to know if they'll work. It takes 6-8 weeks on a good dosage to really know a med isn't working unless you have a reaction to it that means you have to come off. WAiting it out is not fun and can be extremely frustrating but it's the only way to really know if something helps.

It sounds like you are feeling really depressed over the diagnosis and pressured to be the same as you would be without bipolar. Those are really hard parts of the illness and I don't think they necessarily ever go away but it does and still can get easier.You are still you and nothing changes that. I remember really struggling with that part.

I'm glad you've found this board and hope you can feel less alone.

Thank you for the wisdom I feel that I've accepted my diagnoses but the problem is I feel under pressure to get well because I am half way through my medical degree. I already took a year off and my parents were not happy and I feel like I made absolutely no progress and that in fact regressed into a house-bound and anxious all the time. I am supposed to start campus in 6 hours and I can feel the mental breakdown coming, even my psychiatrist advised against going back but the longer I don't go back the worse my anxiety gets.