[Icare dixit]

I originally wanted to post this in a BPD thread, maybe integrating some responses to what others have written on the matter. But since I am worried I will only derail any thread out there and now I've written it, I will post my take on BPD here.

Hope you don't mind to see yet another thread about BPD, this one already containing lots of badly structured text (hopefully not too much). It just is one of those days.

I think BPD is the best possible way to deal with being different at the moment of personality formation. Not just different, but psychotic spectrum (PS) different, be it on one side of the spectrum borderline or the other: memory problems which cause appraisal problems, both of the self and the external world, and cause a heightened reliance on intuition over reason (not to be confused with a wish for reason/rationality).

In my book, the most essential symptoms/traits of BPD are:
- inability to reasonably (subjective!: mostly in a family setting and, later, at school) express one's actions (and one's problems that stem from them) and appraisal: beliefs, experiences and emotions, causing frustration, anger and (relatively short) reactive depressive reactions; consequently,
- impulsivity (reliance on intuition/emotions over reason in one's actions); and consequently,
- self-sabotage (by looking for opposition, provoking failure, or any other means, including things ranging from being late, lying to self-harm; anything to rationalise, give a reason to, one's actions, beliefs, emotions; actions and what I in this context term (re-)appraisals).

From my experience, both having BPD traits (previously, most of my life, totally obscured by SZA/BP), a friend with BPD traits (self-confessed but given up finding treatment, probably scared having a brother with SZ, being on meds) and my sister having some BPD traits, seeing a psychologist for these problems, and my own theories on the matter, I think there should be two types of BPD, two sides actually divided by the spectrum borderline, exactly just like there are two types of SZA: depressive/unipolar type and bipolar type (long sentence!).

Having a BPD personality meaning being at one side of the borderline or the other.

Proximity to the borderline, however, may mean BPD, but doesn't have to: the other decisive factor being the acceptance of the proximity, one being PS different, to it by family and others in a (very) young (proto-?)person's life.

Two other terms for the divide would be: expressive or impressive type. Or maybe: extrovert and introvert type (would be contentious).

BPD/D (being mostly found in those on the unipolar/normal side of the spectrum borderline) features mostly the first and the last essential trait, impulsivity mostly shown by anger, otherwise showing of frustration, crying and some isolation. BPD/BP would be the bipolar variant, featuring all essential traits.

All these traits interact in feedback loops. It's an explosive mix.

I hope this is structured enough: I am not in a structural mood, so to speak; the low variety. But still wanted to express my thoughts on the matter. Hope you (with BPD) can (somewhat) relate.



Edit:
As it may confuse, the (PS) "internal" borderline equally dividing SZA would have unipolar depression on the schizophrenia/non-BP side of the divide.

Second edit:
The takeaway being: it's all just disordered (re)appraisal (by memory problems, developmental or induced). BPD is just being a possible stage in what can become unipolar or bipolar depression. Not having any of the traits or very much repressed possibly leading to schizophrenia. Some traits with severe (or early) problems SZA/D, some more with more severe (or early), "expressive" traits, SZA/BP.

As I see it, to go a level further, the perception/(re)appraisal continuum going through normalcy, by definition being in the middle, supposing a normal distribution, to ASD at the other side, with those with high-functioning autism, or, what used to be called, Asperger's, at their borderline, so to speak. Too much reliance on reason being one of their "BPD" traits.

Now the quetiapine hits me on the head... good night. Hope to hear what you think.

[Icare dixit]

Possible TRIGGER (sorry, I don't know how to add the trigger warning thingy).

I am especially interested (my previous post being a lot to take in and maybe not of interest) whether you can relate to self-harm being a way to give (a) reason for emotional pain and problems, of course made worse by impulsivity?

I know this is probably hard to answer: from experience with mild self-harm, I don't really know why I do it, but I think this could be valid explanation.

Same for self-hurting having too much energy and losing it a bit. It probably calms me, in situations where I cannot pace, talk a mile a minute or nervously tap with my feet, but maybe just by reminding me of emotional pain and loss of energy. I don't know.

Anyone see it in a similar way? Could this be right?

[Roaming_bird]

I agree. I have been diagnosed with BPD, although I'm pretty sure I've grown old enough that it's either not present anymore or quite insignificant. And I was much more internal. I didn't pick fights with others or have reckless behaviors, but I was intensely suicidal and actively self-injured.

And I either had concurrently or had a wrong diagnosis or bipolar II. Looking more closely at my symptoms, I really do think it was just BP but because I reacted so negatively to both anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers, they sort of gave up on that part and diagnosed me as major depressive disorder and BPD.

icare:
TRIGGER
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When I'm manic, I use self-injury to calm myself. Last week I visualized cutting myself so I could let the "crazy blood" out, imagining it would slow me down. I was able to note that this was a thought and that I didn't need to do it because it wouldn't work.

When I'm depressed, it makes me numb. This is usually when I self-injure.

[wiretwister]

hun you write ok but you lost me along the way ... afraid I'm not that deep a thinker ... but I wish you well and hope you find answers for what your seeking ...

[Ocean Swimmer]

I think bpd and bipolar are DX together a lot.

Mine is just plain bipolar as far as I know.

[Icare dixit]

Roaming bird, interesting! Thanks for sharing.

Wiretwister, I get that a lot: I ramble steadily on and for some inexplicable reason people suspect that must very deep and intelligent. It could very well not be, it's just hard to tell. My professors used to treat my ramblings similarly. It still works: often in the scientific literature people just don't understand but still see it as very enlightening or clever and make references to it.

Edit:
It's sometimes like a smoke pot 24/7. I am sure you can at least somewhat relate.

Ocean, yes often but not always. But it is not as remarkable as one might think, as borderline really means not much more than being at the borderline of psychoticism and normalcy. It can mean you are at either end of the borderline, I find, so that you may suffer later in life (assuming your personality is formed before full pathogenesis/onset) from either unipolar or bipolar (manic-)depression. It's just that such a personality predisposes you to become periodically manic and/or depressed, but maybe wards off the more severe disorder (the person involved, at least) of schizophrenia.
It would mean considerable problems/prodromes in one's childhood: not everyone has does in noticeable severity (or maybe in some rare cases up to maybe one- or two-thirds of cases, not at all).

Approximately two-thirds of people with BP have a history of substance abuse or severe trauma in childhood or adolescence. Some of them are, I think, less likely to have BPD traits, a borderline personality, but especially in the substance abuse group it could (partly) have been caused by BPD.