[Woolly Bugger]

It literally dawned on me tonight that I have lived with anxiety, constantly, for my entire adult life. From the time I was 18 and had my first onset of depression until this very day, I have been struggling a losing battle with anxiety. It's anxiety about the big stuff. I love my wife of 36 years, for example, but it has never, ever been easy. I averaged around 18 months per job for thirty years, and it was all all fraught with anxiety. I've been at my job now for five years, but I worry about my job security every day. I also worry deeply about whether or not I am in the right field at all -- something that would be difficult to change at 58. My greatest anxiety right now is the health and well-being of my three daughters and their five children. Not one of them is doing great right now, and I am obsessive about the safety of my grandchildren, one of whom may be autistic.

These things may not seem to serious to you, which is ok. The point is though, that they are serious to me, and have weighed me down for decades.

I'm not complaining. I've been fairly stable for a few years now, have a well-paying job, and a good marriage. I just wanted to share my realization that I've been suffering from anxiety the whole time, and I'm sure it has taken a toll on me. I dream about having the kind of life where you can actually be happy and take a few things, like your job, for granted. And then relax and enjoy it.

[smallwonderer]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

It literally dawned on me tonight that I have lived with anxiety, constantly, for my entire adult life.

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

I'm not complaining. I've been fairly stable for a few years now, have a well-paying job, and a good marriage. I just wanted to share my realization that I've been suffering from anxiety the whole time, and I'm sure it has taken a toll on me. I dream about having the kind of life where you can actually be happy and take a few things, like your job, for granted. And then relax and enjoy it.

I am sorry to hear that - I struggle with anxiety too and I've been trying to learn CBT tricks to keep it at bay. I've noticed myself getting anxious about things and I try to slow myself down. There is a small element of choice in what we get anxious about and I am trying to teach myself to see it more or be aware of it. Starting on my second book here on CBT - "CBT for bipolar disorder" but it's pretty depressing about how we're such a sad lot .

[raspberrytorte]

I've been suffering with anxiety my entire life! When I was a little girl it gave me stomach aches all of the time. At that time my parents called it being nervous, but it was anxiety. And never about anything really then. In my adult life I used to overthink everything and that contributed to my physical feelings of anxiety but I learned ways not to overthink and mostly now I just get the physical feelings, like stomach aches again. And I have social anxiety and fears. I hate it! The only thing that eliminated it completely was benzos. Anyway, I feel you.

[Ocean Swimmer]

You know,I enjoy my support group. Once per week.

It's thru NAMI DBSA. Helps anxiety.

[violetgreen]

Realizations put a frame on our experiences. A lot of what you described is true for me either now or in the past. And you are absolutely right, it's a huge burden. I'm living proof that change is possible. You are anxious and obsessing and waiting for the next unknown disaster. If you have had DBT training, you could practice some of the distress tolerance skills, they help a lot, or the wise mind practice, or interpersonal skills, really any of it. I find it helpful to accept my anxious thoughts and feeling, and then to deal with it to the extent that I am able. It's a mood lifter to be effective. I'm 58 too, and it's an absolute blast to surprise myself by making a change I didn't even dare to hope for. You have a dream, too.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Wooly Bugger: Yes... the Skeezyks has had a similar life experience. I'm in my mid 60's now. And, looking back, I can't recall a time when I was not a bundle of nerves. Even now that I've aged into my retirement years, I'm still full of anxiety... mostly over nothing of any particular consequence.

I think after having lived with so much anxiety for so many years, my body no longer knows how to exist any differently. When I think about it, I'm amazed my heart has held up as long as it has. I think if I had been as tough emotionally as I guess I must have been anatomically (not physically), I'd have been a real danger!

[wiretwister]

I was given valium at 16 , so I know where your coming from , I am 58 and it is becoming worst as I realize my days are winding down ... lots of regrets ...