Getting over toxic friend

I had a best friend who has really become toxic to me. My T agrees with this and says we need to separate. I haven't called her or texted for a month now, but I still really miss her.
I trust my T and know she is right. But I still have a feeling I may panic and contact my friend. Any advice? Thanks.

I am in a similar situation with my bestie. She is bipolar/borderline and together we are a two headed monster. On her own, to me and others she is abusive and unapologetic. She is intolerable to everyone but me. For my part, I like the time we spend together and the understanding and acceptance of each other's "crazy". I can take a bit of inconsiderate, abusive, selfish behavior to also have someone who appreciates me for EXACTLY who I am.My therapist and my boyfriend have warned me about the dangers of our friendship and how clearly triggering it is. She and I are TROUBLE together and the effects are lasting.
I have cut her off before but I always call her back. I'm deeply lonely without her.
I'm sorry if this isn't helpful. I just want to say that I understand and that I'm glad you posted this, because I could clearly use the same help!
Hang in there.

I sure get the deeply lonely. Other people just aren't the same. But the fact that the hard times are "lasting" is a clue.
I have actually found great freedom in being without my friend. I know it is the right thing because I felt sad and empty when we talked. But she was like an addiction in a weird way. I think my bipolar makes me grateful for friends, even if they are bad for me.

Oof. I get that. I think I also get addicted to ****** people because it makes me feel less crazy. Twisted logic.
Anyway! It's awesome that you are feeling free without your toxic pal! That is something you can build on. You've already come so far. I think in that case, time is the thing. Just let the days go by. The longer you are without, the less lonely and more accustomed to being without them you will be?

Losing a friend or deciding to walk away from a toxic relationship still has a grieving process. Just like a breakup. Your fears are normal. You may even pick up you phone, start a text, then hit delete. Let yourself go through the emotions and just stay strong and remember why you walked away. And continue talking to your T. Stay strong. Now if only I could take my own advice here lol

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I can relate to this so so much! I'm currently in the process of (most likely) cutting my (old) best friend out of my life. We've known each other since we were 9 and are both now 23, but she's very toxic, selfish, etc. Around 2 months ago I finally decided enough was enough, snapped, somewhat went off on her through text, and have been avoiding her since. Our only contact has been a few texts trying to figure out when to meet up to "talk about things" or "figure things out," like she wants to do. She seems to pretty much believe this is just a fight that we're gonna get over, and not just the final straw making me finally actually decide to cut her out of my life. I kind of want to just be done with it, but since it does feel like an unfinished way to end such a long close friendship, I've agreed to meet up with her and talk, probably tomorrow. I'm nervous, because it's going to be uncomfortable and I've told myself it isn't worth the effort, but also because even though I'm determined, a small part of me is so worried something will happen and I'll wanna go back to how things were and undo the work I've done the past 2 months.

So, sorry for babbling about me, haha, anyway! I can relate on both feeling more freedom, and feeling like no one is even close to the same and wanting to go back.
It's helped me to focus on the wrong things she's done and why she's toxic, and realize that though I kept justifying it in the past, it is bad for me and can't keep going on. It might sound messed up, but it's almost like if you try to focus on the negative and gather up the "anger" you feel at that person for things, it can help when you're really missing them or really tempted to go back.

Also, if you're really sure, just 100% decide and tell yourself you are not allowed to contact her again, ever. It reminds me of other times with guys/past romantic things. Times might come when you get all up in your feelings and really feel at the moment that talking to them is a good idea. You just have to decide ahead of time that you absolutely won't do it, that it's not even an option anymore.

It might also help to take this as an opportunity to focus on yourself more, and feel good that you've done something good for yourself. I'm trying to embrace the increased independence and celebrate the fact that, while of course there's the whole crappy losing a friend part, cutting out that negativity and toxicity is technically positive progress. You also might want to take it as an opportunity to socialize more and try to seek out some new (better) friends now that the attention and time you've spent with her is free.

Good luck with things.

Save her name on your phone as "X Do Not Contact" ...

That's what I did with my (ex) husband in case I ever got the urge to message him.

[QUOTE=k

It might also help to take this as an opportunity to focus on yourself more, and feel good that you've done something good for yourself. I'm trying to embrace the increased independence and celebrate the fact that, while of course there's the whole crappy losing a friend part, cutting out that negativity and toxicity is technically positive progress. You also might want to take it as an opportunity to socialize more and try to seek out some new (better) friends now that the attention and time you've spent with her is free.

Good luck with things. [/QUOTE]

This is such a good idea. I'd love a new friend or two...just need to find them.

I'm in the same boat.

It was when my son begged me to never call my friend again that I listened.

I miss her hilarious sense of humor, but even that became too mean toward me and toxic.

So, that friend I shared a lifetime of experiences with doesn't even really exist anymore.

I feel better without her upsetting me, and cutting her out of my life needed to be done.

Sometimes, she still sends me texts as though we are still friends, and I don't respond. She doesn't even care...she's so nuts.

I went through this about 4 years ago.

Long story short....I ended a 25 year friendship. This person felt more like a family member than a friend. Nobody could make me laugh more. It was painful for me and still is sometimes. That said, I do not regret it one bit. It was the best thing for both of us. I feel pretty confident I'd be dead right now if I wouldn't have walked away when I did. Just like the person above me, my son begged me not to talk to her again. So did my husband and mother. I deleted her number.....I changed my cell phone and my number. I would have preferred to handle this differently, with more closure. In this situation, this wasn't an option.

I don't feel comfortable recommending a person drop a friend as a general rule. But in toxic situations, it's often necessary. It's such a sad, sad thing. I know that in my case, I felt so bad for doing it. I felt like I was abandoning her. It helped me tremendously once I realized that I was doing us both a huge favor.

I like the ideas of making new friends and spending some time getting to know yourself. Best of luck!

Tisha,
sorry to hear about your situation but am glad you understand