Normally I post a lot of light-hearted threads, but I think this is an interesting topic that I would like to discuss.

What was it like to come out as BP? Who did you tell first? Or, if you didn't tell anyone, why? I'm very interested in reading all of your stories.

As some of you may know, I'm 24 and I haven't told anyone in my family that I'm bipolar. They don't know that I go to therapy, and they don't know that I take medication. They don't even have the slightest suspicion that I'm seeking mental help. Nada.

Why haven't I told them? Because they're the kind of people who mock those with mental illnesses. They'd rather deride the mentally ill than educate themselves the subject of mental illness. They have never been particularly supportive of me in general, so I've never had the desire to come out as BP to them. (Is that fair?)

I've literally spent a good portion of my childhood feeling miserable due to concentration issues and depression (i.e., undiagnosed ADHD and bipolar disorder). They always brushed off my issues as being "hormonal" and whatever other excuse they could come up with (because, again, they never cared to educate themselves on mental illnesses). I literally had depression since I was 11 and they could care less, despite all my teachers commenting that I had "problems".

I debate whether I should ever tell my parents. I would sometimes think about the possibility of telling them, but my mom made a snide remark about mental illness today and it reminded me why I didn't want to tell them. I don't even want to repeat what she said because it greatly disappoints me and shows how out of touch she is with mental illness.

I could come out as BP, but it's just not worth it to me. I see no personal gain. Am I being selfish?

I also don't care to come out as BP to my existing friends. On one hand, your friends should be supportive of you whether or not you have BP, but on the other hand, how miserable would you feel if all your friends abandoned you because of your BP? I guess I'm afraid of the latter. I'm afraid to know. I don't want to know. I'd rather keep my hopes up than discover the truth and wallow in my own misery.

I feel the same way with my parents, although I'm fairly certain they would never understand.

The only people I've told are: (1) my therapist (duh!), (2) my primary care physician, (3) my nutritionist, and (4) a random psychologist I talked to. I've strictly told them for medical reasons, not because I thought it'd be "interesting" to see their reaction.

[pirilin]

Will get back to you later.

[RomanJames2014]

I know exactly how you feel.

My mom throws the term "bipolar" around when saying that people are crazy or had. It hurts everytime.

I told my mom a week after I had been diagnosed and she is in denial. Everyone thinks that I am lying or discussing it for my own attention when it was a doctor that told me.

My therapist is also not on bourd. He doesn't really show interest in it.

I always say that coming out bipolar was much harder than coming out gay because of the stigma and ignorance on the topic.


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Originally Posted by RomanJames2014

I know exactly how you feel.

My mom throws the term "bipolar" around when saying that people are crazy or had. It hurts everytime.

I told my mom a week after I had been diagnosed and she is in denial. Everyone thinks that I am lying or discussing it for my own attention when it was a doctor that told me.

My therapist is also not on bourd. He doesn't really show interest in it.

I always say that coming out bipolar was much harder than coming out gay because of the stigma and ignorance on the topic.

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Sorry to hear that.

My parents are the same about calling bipolar people "crazy" or calling crazy people "bipolar".

My sister's ex-friend's mother is BP, and I would say her case is pretty severe based on what I've been told. (She goes to IP a lot because her medications just don't work.) My parents always make fun of her and call her "a sad joke", even though it's not her fault. They always told my sister that they didn't want her going to "the psycho lady's house".

I think my parents would be in denial if I told them. They'd probably compare me to that lady and say "you're nothing like her". OR they'd think I'm "batsh*t crazy".

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm having a real problem with this ... My boyfriend doesn't know I'm bp ....
And I don't know how he will react ....

[Icare dixit]

I tell everyone, when it's relevant to some (also light) conversation. With many friends I discuss problems we have or just problems we hypothetically have (some are less open about it) if someone present is unaware of some of the problems one might have. It makes it easier for them as well, because we can discuss, say, anxiety or panic attacks or depression as if only I have experienced them (while maybe all others have, in some cases, but just don't know it of each other). So like a deflector of sorts.

I always talk about symptoms, say mania or depression when relevant, but never say something like: "I have bipolar, so..." or "I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder" (unless specifically asked for my diagnosis). I never ever talk about it as an illness.

I'd suggest talking about symptoms (first), your problems, saying you need help from others to deal with those problems, but not in medical terms: you may describe mania or depression, but saying something is due to mania is meaningless if people don't know what mania is, for example. Or just say nothing.

But being open about it can be liberating. Just don't start or even mention names for things, but just the things.

[Bobbyj]

Wow i'm in a very similar spot as you, very conservative, narrow-minded family(that is mentally ill themselves, but think they're fine). I think their entire knowledge base of mental illness is summed up with the following: "crazy", "psychotic", "asshole", "lazy"... It's so pathetic sometimes that it's kind of funny to me. You wouldn't believe some of the things my sister and i have been called by our own family or people around us(very conservative town as well yay). BTW i'm also 24. To me most people have something wrong with them if not everybody.... Relax, accept how you are and get help where necessary, that is all we can do. I have a pretty laid back approach to talking about stuff, if i feel like saying "yeah my doctor thinks i'm bp" or whatever to whoever then i do. As long as i'm not hurting anyone then idc what people think of me. I work hard at what i do and if i screw up and act like a jerk then i take responsibility for it and try to work on it. My friends all have problems for the most part, mostly undiagnosed, so none of them really care. They are good at realizing no one is perfect. My family hardly knows anything about bipolar and just kinda listened when i brought it up and then forgot about it, they don't even seem to care, they'll continue to just do what they've been doing.

[cashart10]

I was first diagnosed as a teenager so my family knew and I was such a mess that everyone I knew was aware of it. My mom had me on prayer lists all over the country and even in Israel so there was little hiding it. I have told numerous therapists. When I became drastically better, everyone believed that the bipolar was at bay. When I had my psychotic break 3 1/2 years ago, there was no denying it to my mom and husband. I told my brother and sister and their spouses. My sister's lack of privacy has probably told many people . It's okay though because none of them know me and she does everything she does to help me.

Anyway, I let my best friend read all of the bizarre writings I had from when I was psychotic so she knew the exhaustive truth even before I went to a psychiatrist. She in fact encouraged me to get help because she was scared for both my family and me. I also eventually told my other 2 close friends. Outside of that, I am not "out" but I do post a lot of material on facebook about mental illness, especially bipolar so I'm sure folks have their assumptions. I would probably out myself entirely if it weren't for the better judgement of my mother. I would love to help break the stigma.

[gina_re]

I guess I'm "lucky" because most people that know me knows I have bp. Many of my coworkers know, my supervisors know, many family members know and most of my friends know as well. My illness doesn't define me, but it is something I struggle with. And you have to laugh about it sometimes so it's not so overwhelming. My goodness look how many pills I'm on! That is my joke around the office.
The only time I was hesitant to mention it was at my previous job due to ignorance and lack of education of those coworkers. Only a select few knew.
I have to build up a certain level of trust to tell someone, but then again I try to educate those that don't understand. Bring on the questions! And if you dont believe in mental illness issues, then thats your problem and I leave it alone. Stay in your ignorance. My circle of friends is small and I'm not on social media, so it is not broadcasted to a wide audience.
Everyone has a different set of circumstances and comfort level, so it can vary on who you decided to tell or not. But the choice is yours and yours alone.
Oh and when people use MI as an adjective and they're in my pressence, I will call them out and school them on how they should not say stuff like that! I hate that! I've called my mom out a few times when she's done it. Sister too.

Edit: And I'm not bipolar, I live with bipolar disorder.

[pirilin]

My wife sent me to the shrink because I was having a big depression, she says. She's a medical professional so she has connections.
Went to one of the best shrinks in Miami, and was diagnosed bipolar 1 in forty five minutes. Just like that. A magician.
Now is that I question my diagnosis , because I have time to think. I have 60% MDD and 40% BP so far and coming down by the minute.

My wife knows. My daughter in law knows, because she was the pharmacist, (probably her two sisters know too.) My mother cannot believe she gave birth to a crazy.
She call me every day at noon to ask if I feel normal again???. When was I normal?.
But she's 102 years old. What can I do. BTW, she heard in the radio about organ donation and she wants to donate hers. I told her she's too old and she said they said of ANY age.
Can you imagine the poor soul that get my mother's organs?. Or maybe they still have something left in the tank. And I would take her brain in a NY min.
Well, that was off topic, granted. The only other person that knows is the shrink.
And sometimes a nurse at other doctors notice.
And I don't hide it but don't flaunt it either. Nothing to gain. A lot to lose.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm very lucky in that my family is and always has been very supportive. I first got hospitalized when I was 14 and have been hospitalized an embarrassing number of times so there's really no hiding it. Plus I'm covered in self harm scars that I can hide during the winter but not in the summer so they've all seen those. My mom especially is very supportive. Even though I know she thinks if I just accepted Jesus into my life I would feel a whole lot better, she doesn't push it on me. She's only mentioned it a couple of times.

I don't really have a lot of friends. Those I do have do know about BP and support me with it. But I mostly don't talk about it. I don't reach out to people when I'm having an episode, or if I do I pretend it's just because I want to hang out, not because I need to not be alone.

At work only I've only told three people the full truth. My social worker that was in my room the first year, the social worker In my room now, and my teacher friend who shared with me about his severe depression first so I figured it was ok. I've told my principal that I suffer from depression because I have been out for hospitalizations and extended leaves. I won't say bipolar. I did that with my summer job and was suddenly not invited back for the next summer, even though I'd been there five years. I wrongly thought he would support me and he pretended to until it came time to rehire. So I learned my lesson.

[seoultous]

Interesting question. What would "coming out" look like? I tell people on a need to know basis. So, there is no "coming out" story for me. Most things medical are on a need to know basis. This is no different since mental illness is on par with physical illness.

People ask me why I don't drink. I don't say "I'm bipolar and alcohol is something that causes me to become unstable." If I am so inclined I tell them that I can't mix alcohol with my current medication. Which is true. Most people don't ask about my current medication. So, no need to disclose. There is such a thing as too much information.

Now, do I not disclose because I am ashamed about the disorder? No. I am not ashamed. It's just nobody's business. Am I afraid that people will react negatively? I could wear my diagnosis on my sleeve or take out a notice in the local paper. That would get all kinds of attention both the right kind and the wrong kind. I would have to do a lot of educating about the disorder and frankly, I don't think I have the energy. Also, I don't really want to hear "I would never have guessed it."

Of course my husband and kids know I have bipolar disorder. I think one or two of my kids' friends might know because my daughter needed to talk to somebody about it or they saw a book about it around the house. I don't think my extended family knows. They do know I suffer from seasonal depression because my brother does as well and we compared notes.

Everybody's story is different in part because of the way the disorder presents. I am almost never hypomanic and have never been psychotic and don't leave the house when I am depressed. So, nobody really interacts with me when I am symptomatic.

If somebody asked me directly if I had bipolar disorder, I would not lie but, I don't feel compelled to bring it up. I would, however, be curious why they asked me. Was my behavior erratic and out of the norm? Did I seem depressed? Did they hear a rumor? I have never had anyone ask me if I was bipolar, hence my boring "coming out" story.

I told my mom about it when i was 25. I think it was a mistake as she was just overwhelmed by it. She was helpless. She made a couple gestures of support, like reading Kay Redfield Jameson's "Touched by Fire" and asking me once how my bipolar was going but basically there was nothing to be gained by telling her. She had me late in life and she just wanted to enjoy her peace and quiet and stop being a mom by the time i was diagnosed. She wanted us to be friends and to have a good time and not deal with my misery.

My ex-husband and his family didn't really believe the diagnosis. My father-in-law said whatever specialist you go to will tell you that you have whatever they specialize in.

I think discovering he had a bipolar wife also contributed to my ex-husband's decision to divorce me as he didn't want a sick wife passing down bad genes to his kids.

I'm almost completely isolated these days so the question of outing myself doesn't apply anymore. At Scrabble club i told one woman who just said that her friend had it too and the topic died there. One player recently complained to me about her crazy relative who doesn't work and 'must have bipolar' but i kept mum and i don't regret it. What's to be gained by confronting a person like that? Obviously they have a very exclusive and backwards attitude and i'm not up to changing her mind. She can go to hell.

[MikeDelta]

I have not been open about it until very recently due to having to be and taking the right meds (so I'm not paranoid). I generally start with just being open about my moods and sometimes advancing to the dx. I won't go out of my way to say it but I'm trying to become fearless about telling people. Why? Because if I ever want the stigma against MI to change I need to talk about it too. I can't just hide as much as I want to. Not easy but a work in progress

Edit: to answer your question I think the first person I told was a friend who's followed my progress for a while. She was supportive as in I was getting treatment I needed... not everyone has been so supportive.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

What was it like to come out as BP? Who did you tell first? Or, if you didn't tell anyone, why? I'm very interested in reading all of your stories.

I was so relieved to be diagnosed at 32 that I was very open about it. I had had a bad post-partum depression that ramped into mania and being diagnosed and medicated was a miracle to me -- there was something I could do about how I felt! However, I was a stay at home mom then and didn't have to worry about employment issues. I did lose people over this approach, but I kept the good ones.

If I could have not told my husband, I might still be married to him today. People 20 years ago were just coming out about mental illess (I'm 54 now) and it was difficult to be open about it, but I decided to be completely transparent about my diagnosis and I think it has served me well. I'm remarried and happy with my spouse, I raised a great daughter who has tremendous compassion about "brain illness" (which is how I explained it to her when she was little), and even though I now live in an area that is unaccepting of mental illness (Nevada) I am accepting of me.

[Bobbyj]

Hey guys I know this is hard, i have trouble with it, but try to not give others so much power over you. I catch myself worrying what other people think, how i should act, what i should say, and all of that, but as long as you're not hurting anything do what you feel is most comfortable. Who cares what anyone else thinks, i'm sure you could nitpick a million stupid things they do as well. If you want to be open with it, be open and proud it's who you are, and if you don't want to tell people that's fine too. Anyone that is going to be ignorant enough to judge you over a word probably isn't worth having around anyway. I personally love people that have flaws, brings so much character and open-mindedness. I know at times it's impossible almost, but try to be happy with who you. Your genes have been passed down since the cavemen, you have to be worth something to survive like that!

[annielovesbacon]

I haven't told anyone, besides my T and pdoc (duh) and I told a surgeon once since the medication I take was important for him to know.
I don't want to tell my parents for the same reasons: they mock those with mental illness and throw around the word "bipolar" like it's just any general description and not an actual condition.
When I was in high school I struggled with an eating disorder. It got really bad and I reached out to my parents for help and they basically just laughed at me. All they did was (try to) stop making fun of my weight but they didn't take me seriously and did not get me help.
As for telling friends, I've told a few close ones about depression because it was important to me that they know when I blow off plans or don't want to hang out it's not because I don't like them. But I haven't specifically said anything about depression because I'm afraid of the stigma. I'm sure they would be supportive, but telling people sensitive things about yourself changes the way they treat you, even if just subconsciously.

[GoldenSnitch]

I've been unwell for a long time but only got my diagnosis recently.

My husband was very supportive. He doesn't understand it but he is there for me.

I told my mom. She thought that it was ridiculous.

I've told a couple of friends. One was not supportive and is no longer a part of my life. One is currently dealing with some of their own mental health issues so they were supportive.

Most people who know me well know that I've struggled with anxiety issues for many years but I don't think they fully understand the extent of it. I'm not as open with telling people about bp.

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[SingDanceRunLife]

There was a time when I could count on 1 hand how many people knew I have bipolar. I was diagnosed 5 years ago, almost exactly (April 15th, 2011), and when I was diagnosed, I told my mom who told my dad, and I told my best friend and my therapist. The only reason I told my best friend is that he was actually the first one to say something about me possibly being bipolar because he himself is and he could see the same symptoms in me...and he recommended a pdoc, so it only made sense to tell him.

Now, it would be nearly impossible to tell you how many people I've told because I'm very vocal about it. All of my friends know, even my acquaintances know -- because I post about it fairly regularly on Facebook with the hashtag "stop the stigma". I used to want to hide it from the world, but as I grew up and into the illness, I realized that I was doing a disservice to myself by hiding because that's what everyone expects you to do because society isn't ready to open up and understand.

I don't tell people at work though. I do draw the line there...especially with bosses. I told my bosses at an old job that I went to therapy because it interfered with my work schedule, but if it hadn't, they would have had no idea.

[MusicLover82]

I'm VERY lucky that my family has always been very supportive, so when I was diagnosed, they stepped up to the plate to help. If your family is not close to you and is not supportive already, I would say it may not help anything to tell them your diagnosis. I only tell people who are VERY close to me and understand me and care about me. I'm so sorry that you don't feel like you have anyone you can confide in. I'm sure you will find those people, and you will know who they are when you do. HUGS!!

Operations security and shame demanded that I dispatch everyone to whom I came out, so when the trail of bodies became inconvenient, I stopped sharing.

[Katieissweet]

I don't tell anyone im schiz for obvious reasons, but I don't believe in the idea of mental illness either,I believe in the shamanic view of mental Iilness.The Shamanic View of Mental Illness ? JaysonGaddis.com

I use to be very manic depressive but curiously it went away four years ago I have not been able to paint,create etc ever since,so it's really such a fertile thing even with its lows.

I tell everyone.

It explains why I am an irritating *****. I was undiagnosed for years. I kind of told people so maybe the could understand a bit of why i am so moody. Not that it is an excuse, but so people don't take it personally when I go out and drink the town red. Or hole up in my room for months at a time.