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#1
Apr 07, 2016, 01:45 PM
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Does anyone else sometimes kinda welcome their depression? When I am depressed after I was dysphoric hypo, then.. depression seems to be kind of a relief? Because it is finally quite?
Of course then it goes down, but at first days it seems waaay better than what I had before. I am even less suicidal when I am depressed then on a bad hypo. (Or different. Depression is more of a "if I had a button to undo my existance I would press it" but without wanting to take concrete actions. Bad hypo is "I can't anymore, this has to stop, please stop" and a constant impuls to act out on it.) Anyone? |
 jules77
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 jules77
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#2
Apr 07, 2016, 04:11 PM
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Hello Pflaumenkeks: The Skeezyks has often remarked, in the past, that he fluctuates between two states: simple resignation & "I just can't stand this another minute!" The latter state has resulted in his involuntary commitment to two different hospital psych wards. Yes, I think it is pretty-much generally recognized that people who are depressed can sometimes be less at risk in terms of suicide potential. It is when a person is coming out of a depression that s/he is more at risk. They still carry with them all of the darkness of their depression, & now as they're coming out of it they have the energy to do something about it.
Personally, I think that the mental health professionals I've seen assumed my attempts were the result of depression. And, I suppose, depending on how broadly one defines "depression" perhaps this could be said to be true. However, from my perspective, I was not so much depressed as I was angry... I was pissed (mostly at myself)... & ready, willing & able to at least try to do something about it. I'd have probably been safer had I been more traditionally depressed. Anyway, I hope that you will be able to find a way to heal the darkness that surrounds you. I send you my best wishes with the hope that it might be so... 
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
| pirilin
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#3
Apr 07, 2016, 04:42 PM
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I get dysphoric mania (im type 1) and yes i know exactly what you mean... Exactly. In fact thats how ive described it myself to my therapist and pdocs.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Bipolar 1 with mixed and psychotic symptoms & ADHD Meds Latuda 120mg Lamictal 200mg Haldol 5mg (+5mg during mixed episodes) Vyvanse 40mg morning 20mg noon Benztropine 0.5mg |
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#4
Apr 07, 2016, 04:44 PM
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Pflaumenkeks, that's very much what I experience! How do you handle the fluctuations?
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#5
Apr 07, 2016, 08:26 PM
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No. The hell with depression. Give me mania, hypomania, jail, hospital, whatever.
Makes me feel alive. I've been in a 10 month depression. Dying every minute of it. |
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#6
Apr 07, 2016, 09:44 PM
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I can deal with the hypomania by taking prns to bring me down. I m suicidal n SH with the depression. I also get a lot of weird effects with the depression. Much more so than with hypomania.
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#7
Apr 08, 2016, 04:52 AM
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Quote:
My depression doesn't last that long anymore, but I think that's because my meds have caused rapid cycling! Now my depressive episodes are shorter, but 10 times more intense! No depression for me, thanks |
| pirilin
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#8
Apr 08, 2016, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
No T befor her thought of it (I moved several times the last years), even when I starved myself nearly to death during a high (I have an ED that is suspiciously in line with my mood). Until I met her I thought that the time when I wanted to chop off my head because it was so fast and loud was a part of depression. It never went as bad as the first time, but I don't know how I survived that one. But everytime I am in that corner of my head, the silence of depression seems to be welcoming. Right bevor it gets to be just another hell. The bright sight is that the last episodes were shorter then the first. So I don't know where I'm heading right now. How do you handle it Ellie_jo? Last edited by Pflaumenkeks; Apr 08, 2016 at 11:09 AM. Reason: Added something |
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#9
Apr 08, 2016, 01:50 PM
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Quote:
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#10
Apr 09, 2016, 08:16 AM
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I have an agreement with my T that I write everything down that I cannot speak about (like trauma stuff) maybe that could work for you too? It gives me the chance to use the spots where I am ready to deal with it
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#11
Apr 09, 2016, 09:46 AM
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I like depression better than dysphoria. At least I'm feeling something. That reminds me that I'm still alive, and this is still real. With dysphoria I feel those things might not be true, and it freaks me out, and I have enough problems with dissociation to begin with thank you very much.
Twenty years ago, when I heard people complain that their psych meds made them feel numb, I used to think "I would kill for numb!" Now I have changed my tune, having actually experienced it. Sent from my mobile device using Tapatalk.
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"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned." --Richard Feynman Last edited by MobiusPsyche; Apr 09, 2016 at 09:47 AM. Reason: Typo |
| Pflaumenkeks
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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