[MusicLover82]

Anybody else have the personality of a people-pleaser?

I am overly aware of my actions. I am overly sensitive about what others think about me. I am extremely worried about the possibility of people being upset with me or having someone think ill of me.

I know this is probably largely due to my OCD, and it (pleasing others) may be my largest obsession that rules my personality. I was just curious if any other BP individuals on here have this type of personality. I feel like it kind of keeps my bipolar under control a little bit (or at least my behaviors, because I am terrified that people will think I'm crazy, so I keep everything under wraps mostly). This aspect of my personality really causes me a lot of anxiety and makes work difficult at times. I just wonder if anyone else struggles with something like this.

[zepchic]

Yes, you too are singing my song. I am totally a people pleaser and very concerned about my outward appearance being sane...LOL...I agree I have never totally lost my **** due to my bp maybe because of this...no one would know i was bp if I didn't flap my mouth when manic

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Yes. I go out of my way to make sure the people around me are happy or ok with me. I'd give someone my last dollar. I let people walk all over me and take advantage all the time. I could let someone talk me into paying there meal or gas for sure lol. I'm a total people pleaser and I blame my fear of rejection all the way. The last thing I want is for someone to be mad at me and cause drama. Even when they're in the wrong, chances are I will fold.

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[BeyondtheRainbow]

Yes. My therapist has been trying to help with this and I find it overwhelming. Although I did do really well with something this week. But I will do anything to not have someone be mad at me and take responsibility for ridiculous things. For me it's a combination of OCD and PTSD.

[zepchic]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Yes. I go out of my way to make sure the people around me are happy or ok with me. I'd give someone my last dollar. I let people walk all over me and take advantage all the time. I could let someone talk me into paying there meal or gas for sure lol. I'm a total people pleaser and I blame my fear of rejection all the way. The last thing I want is for someone to be mad at me and cause drama. Even when they're in the wrong, chances are I will fold.

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We sound like we are so similar

[Coconutzo]

This is me, and people don't believe my mental struggles because of it.
It's AWFULLY AWFUL.
I'm sorry you struggle too, but proud of us to look so strong

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

This also tends to make a mess out of my relationships. I let guys treat me like garbage but I'll go out of my way for them the next day just to make someone happy. Definitely a fear of rejection on my part.

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[bbTofu]

That's a new part in my therapy ~ having hard time expressing my desires and frustrations and expectations from others. This is so hard. fear of rejection as well.

Also .. Fear that the other part will fall apart upon my anger/frustration

[Bluegirl1226]

Yes I too have a really big problem with people pleasing. It matters so much to me what others think of me. I have to have the approval of others or I absolutely go into an anxiety attack. This people pleasing way that I have affects my self-esteem and I don't need any help with feeling bad about myself that's for sure.

[GoldenSnitch]

This is a problem for me too. My T and I have spent a lot of time working on it since I started seeing her.

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[violetgreen]

Yeah me too, and it's caused a lot of distress for me. People pleasing, overly aware, sensitive, analyzing, anxious, but a lot of the time all of this is internal. I rarely give a big old shout out about what's going on with me, so family and friends don't know what's going on. Working on it, with T and have made progress.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

Anybody else have the personality of a people-pleaser?

I am overly aware of my actions. I am overly sensitive about what others think about me. I am extremely worried about the possibility of people being upset with me or having someone think ill of me.

I know this is probably largely due to my OCD, and it (pleasing others) may be my largest obsession that rules my personality. I was just curious if any other BP individuals on here have this type of personality. I feel like it kind of keeps my bipolar under control a little bit (or at least my behaviors, because I am terrified that people will think I'm crazy, so I keep everything under wraps mostly). This aspect of my personality really causes me a lot of anxiety and makes work difficult at times. I just wonder if anyone else struggles with something like this.

I gave up on this year's ago. I typically end up hurt in the end. I take care of me first, because if I don't, who will?

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

...I feel like it kind of keeps my bipolar under control a little bit (or at least my behaviors, because I am terrified that people will think I'm crazy, so I keep everything under wraps mostly).

Yes. It is very stressful. Even with people-pleasing, I don't think in terms of "needing" people to like me. Sure, I'd prefer if they would, but don't need or even expect it to be possible. But that doesn't keep me from reflexively bending over backwards to help or be a doormat. But what you say is a true effect. Even not caring if they like me, I don't want them to think I'm "crazy", but even more to the point, to "put them out" by needing anything.

Originally Posted by bbTofu

That's a new part in my therapy ~ having hard time expressing my desires and frustrations and expectations from others. This is so hard. fear of rejection as well.

Also .. Fear that the other part will fall apart upon my anger/frustration

Exactly.
This is the big people-pleasing fallout for me. For a long time, I didn't even recognize it as such because I don't do things like say things "just to be nice", or even thinking everyone can like me. They won't. But this "invisibility" thing is dead-on. Don't rock the boat. Don't need anything. Don't give 'em a reason. Just don't.

And I'm not sure, but since we are on a roll... Do you mean in the fear of no man's land of happy medium? How to go from not expressing to expressing without over-expressing? (In my experience, aka " flipping out".)

Wow, writing that out and connecting the dots was practically a therapy session. How much do you charge?

this is part of my 'performance anxiety'. I constantly worry about making people angry or think ill of me.

[Icare dixit]

I alternate between a particular-person(s)-pleaser and people-displeaser personality.

Less and less the former, as far as I can tell. I just get a bit more antisocial (in a "good" way) and it helps.