[Hopeful Camel]

I am feeling beyond hopeless today. Can’t stop crying. I got a new job about 3 months ago, after being out of work for 4-5 months. I used to be an attorney, but I couldn’t do the work anymore after my mental state deteriorated more than it had previously.

The new job I have now is as a case manager for a non-profit. I am unable to do the work, and I live in fear of losing my job. My spouse and I depend upon this income to make our financial life work. I must have this job.

I do so much better in my life when I am not working. When I last was not working, I was rather sick, physically, and yet my mental health was the best it has ever been. No thoughts of suicide or anything even remotely near this paralyzing depression.

I feel pressured to find a job that I am able to do, but the thought of looking for a job on the weekends makes me feel even more depressed. I just don’t have energy. I feel like giving up on everything.

I know I am sounding like a major whiner, and I suppose that is what I am. I physically and mentally hurt. I feel like the pain is going to do me in. I wonder sometimes if that is what is getting in the way of my job performance at my current job. I am so very depressed. I have a therapist and am on medication. My therapist thinks I should work 30 hrs a week or less. I feel immobilized by pain.

[gina_re]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this and wish you are able to find relief soon. I'm glad that you are in contact with your therapist and I hope that helps somewhat. Have you talked to your pdoc about possibly adjusting your meds? Sometimes what works for me is just a little increase until the feeling of doom passes and using therapy to keep the moment going. This may not apply to you but I hope my advice makes some sense. Please take care of yourself.

[Icare dixit]

Maybe finding more distraction, more stimulation, outside work. Anything. Go for a walk during your lunch break. Preferably where there are lots of people.

I like to travel by train to work (actually, I really need it). Lots of people. Stations: bee hives. No congestion. No friction. Just flow.

Routine blinds us, understimulating us, I strongly believe. It goes against our nature, we can't adapt like some others can.

Edit:
Especially the courtroom is quite exceptionally more stimulating (too much, for most of us, I'd say).

[Woolly Bugger]

Are there any major life changes that you can make that will allow you to work a less stressful job part-time? Sell your house, get rid of the expensive cars, etc.? If so, it might be worth it.

[Hopeful Camel]

Thanks, everyone. I am going to talk to my doc about getting a note so that I only have to work 30 hrs per week. I just feel so overwhelmed and exhausted when I work 40 hrs. I think even a 2 hour drop in hours would make my day easier.

I'm trying to adjust to the fact [at least so I've been told] that no one really likes their job. You just have to suck it up.

I appreciate you all responding.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Some people like their jobs. Many don't. It can be really hard to dislike your job - I don't love my work, but I'm proud when I do my work well. Most of the time, I feel unmotivated. Unless I have to interact with my boss - then I get triggered into a depressed/anxious state. I've been finding it hard to do my job the way it should be done in the last year or so. It's been harder than normal to concentrate on it and accomplish all I should (and all I've been able to in the past). A couple of years ago, I moved from 25 hrs/week to 30 hrs/week. That change - just an hour a day - has felt HUGE. If you can reasonably drop 2 hrs/week, see if that helps. Also, note that when you're depressed, things like work may just feel insurmountable to you. It does to me, but I can handle it a little better when I'm not depressed.

I'm sorry it's hard right now...

[pirilin]

I'm not trying to cheer you up, however, 75% of the work force hates their jobs.

[gina_re]

I love my job
Some I've hated, but they're in the past.
If you do what you love, you don't have to work a day in your life.

[MusicLover82]

Your mental health comes first. I would do whatever I could to make sure your job is as compatible as possible with your MI. I, too, am having a difficult time with my job and I'm considering a career change. You gotta do what you gotta do.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Back in the states I worked in finance. I HATED it. I would often work 50+ hours per week and it would throw me in deep, deep depressions. Finally after many years I cut back my hours because of a chronic illness and that helped a lot. I also started working as a seamstress on the side because sewing is meditative for me and doing something I love helped to balance out enduring a job I hated.