[optimistic_dolphin]

when right at thisexact moment i am doing alright - not hallucinating, crying, starving, banging against the wall, etc - i don't feel like i should have this peace of mind, even if it was to last for 10 minutes. I read about someone struggling harder, esp with ED, I feel unfair that iam having it easier and better than them. I feel like I should suffer more. Like I would rather be in hell burning with someone than in heaven enjoying peace

I feel destructive. I want to stop my med. like I have to struggle more to feel that it's fair for me and them. A part of me doesnt want to be better.It's killing me my mind wants the worst for me. I don't know what iwant anymore. Sometimes it's easier to be in the midst of struggle than to be the on-lookers of someone's tragedy.

[pirilin]

The idea is getting better. So you can help the needy.

[Ocean Swimmer]

You do deserve to be happy,healthy and at peace.
You could try on working self esteem issues in op.
Best of everything for you.

Originally Posted by optimistic_dolphin

... Ifeel unfair that i am having it easier and better than them. I feel like I should suffer more. Like I would rather be in hell burning with someone than in heaven enjoying peace.

I just want to point out that there is no award for having the worst illness or living in the worst case scenario. No one is going to put a medal around your neck. Your pain is your pain. What matters is how bad it is to you. Allow yourself permission to consider your own issues as every bit as important as others. You are worth it.