[BeyondtheRainbow]

These last months since starting clozaril have been amazingly close to stable. Last month my clozaril dose was lowered and then due to a pharmacy error I discovered that I was taking much more gabapentin than I needed so I lowered that and the end result was really good.

Monday my therapist was talking about how I'm starting to really laugh and become animated again. My pdoc was amazed how well I was and compared my depression and anxiety scores to a year ago (the scores were from a week before and are a computer thing I do before every appointment). My depression score was half what it had been and anxiety was 1/3rd. I was so excited. We were even discussing some med changes in a few months if I was stable then. Stable! Me! I've never really been stable..such a dream.

And then my mood has come crashing down. I've blamed the last few days on a bunch of things but the reality is that I am depressed and I'm exhausted b/c I'm depressed, not "just tired" as I've been saying.

I am so frustrated. I just wanted to enjoy where I was and instead I'm emailing my pdoc to increase some med. At least there are options for that I guess.

[Victoria'smom]

Hopefully it's temporary.

[Bipolarchic14]

I have times when I drop for a few days and pull out of it. I have had a rough time lately. I started falling into old habits with suicidal ideation. I had to remind myself of the coping skills I learned in IOP.

Do you have some learned skills to help cope?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm hoping the new meds make for a short episode. I haven't had much luck with that in the past. But clozaril does do more than any of the other meds. We'll see I guess. But I think I need a med bounce. Which I do not want.

[hopeless2015]

Hugs I hope this passes soon for you

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

[Wild Coyote]

I hope this interruption is very brief.

[Spaceyspace]

I hope your depression passes quickly. It is a discouraging thing.

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

I have times when I drop for a few days and pull out of it. I have had a rough time lately. I started falling into old habits with suicidal ideation. I had to remind myself of the coping skills I learned in IOP.

Do you have some learned skills to help cope?

I also have had tail spins after a few days of good mood. I do pull out of it a few days later. So I am hoping this is temporary for the OP.

Tucson

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

These last months since starting clozaril have been amazingly close to stable. Last month my clozaril dose was lowered and then due to a pharmacy error I discovered that I was taking much more gabapentin than I needed so I lowered that and the end result was really good.

Monday my therapist was talking about how I'm starting to really laugh and become animated again. My pdoc was amazed how well I was and compared my depression and anxiety scores to a year ago (the scores were from a week before and are a computer thing I do before every appointment). My depression score was half what it had been and anxiety was 1/3rd. I was so excited. We were even discussing some med changes in a few months if I was stable then. Stable! Me! I've never really been stable..such a dream.

And then my mood has come crashing down. I've blamed the last few days on a bunch of things but the reality is that I am depressed and I'm exhausted b/c I'm depressed, not "just tired" as I've been saying.

I am so frustrated. I just wanted to enjoy where I was and instead I'm emailing my pdoc to increase some med. At least there are options for that I guess.

Thinking of you. PM me anytime. I've always appreciated your support to me.

I hope you get back to feeling good soon. Meanwhile, keep us posted and remember you've got a fantastic treatment team, we are here to support you, you will get past this.

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

I have times when I drop for a few days and pull out of it. I have had a rough time lately. I started falling into old habits with suicidal ideation. I had to remind myself of the coping skills I learned in IOP.

Do you have some learned skills to help cope?

I just ordered a DBT workbook from Amazon specifically for those with bipolar disorder. I'm not in therapy right now, but my prior therapy introduced me to DBT and I have found it helpful.

Hence, I ordered the book. Do a search for "Dialectical Behavior Therapy Bipolar" on Amazon.com. There's also one for anxiety, which I ordered because I have various anxiety disorders.

Also, my adage is "This is temporary. I will not feel this way forever. That's how bipolar disorder works."

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope this passes and you feel better soon.

I'm so sorry things took a turn for the worst. I hope you can get back to good soon. (((Hugs)))