[BP2014]

I was diagnosed with BP Mar 2014 and it initially played havoc on my life. The biggest part is trying to adjust to what society says is "Normal" life. As it went undiagnosed as many have for so long, I now feel like a different person. Anyway, it has had a huge impact on me, my wife, and children. I had some intense mood swings for a while, including binge drinking etc, but they are stabilizing now. We moved back to my hometown soon after my diagnoses and I am continuing with therapy weekly. My wife insisted I take my medication as prescribed (as one should do..i guess) but she also says she misses the old me? We had already gone thru a lot in our marriage, including custody battles with my step children etc. that effected us both. We have been at new location for about 6 months and she mentioned she needed to be around family. I had lived where she was raised for six years before moving to my hometown. My concern is, with all the personal issues I have and her not seeming happy we will both drown. I am currently unemployed and this is creating some issues with not having extra money and she is carrying most of the financial burden and is under a lot of stress. I feel that she was happiest before moving and feel guilty about her not being happy. However, I also feel that I have to get better and this may take longer than she expects. We have two children together, 9 and 11, and I love them dearly and never would want to do anything to break their hearts. Part of me thinks they may be better off no living under the same roof as me? I have a tremendous amount of resentment about the things we went through in the past and how they were handled. I am a forgiving person but I am concerned that the person I saw during those times were not the qualities of a person I respect. And I am not about changing people if they are happy with who they are. Furthermore, with me being a little more stable now I am able to see things a little clearer and starting to question if this is the person I want to be with. She has been very supportive during this horrible time, more so than I deserve. I think she would be happier if she went back to her home town? Any conversation we have turns ugly quickly and we seem to be more co-habitating than married. Any suggestions
?

Bipolar is a tough illness to deal with, not just for the person with it, but for those that you are around. Your wife has obviously become accustomed to the Bipolar you, and is not used to the medicated you. In time she will see that the meds are helping you and she will get used to what you are like mentally well.

As far as how your marriage is now, I highly suggest that you two involve a marriage counselor to see if you guys can fix your marriage. Marriage is hrd enough without involvement of mental illness, and with you having bipolar its even harder. Before yall make a decision to split, you should make sure that you have done absolutely everything to try and help things out.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi BP2014,

Here's my take on this, but its just my personal experience and opinion thats all.

Any kind of relationship takes work and commitment. Regardless of circumstances, diagnosis etc.

Throw a MI into the mix, yes, this is work. It take work to keep the commitment and drive of the relationship together.

I've learnt to forgive myself somewhat for episodes. I dunno. I've pretty much come to the realisation that I guess it's what I've got. I didn't ask for them and the reality is they will return like boomerangs I guess.

And I've done some pretty crazy things personally during episodes that would place anyone under duress including my partner. It's pretty stressful for him to understand.

My husband doesn't exactly understand everything about my diagnosis but I guess he doesn't "walk in my shoes" or so to speak so I get that this is pretty hard on him.

Just wondering if you've tried therapy together to specifically work on understanding of your diagnosis? Or even if you're perhaps in therapy to help you work out strategies that may impact less on your family during episodes? [My episodes impact greatly on my family].

Hang in there.

I know how hard it is.

[thom2297]

Hi BP2014,
Maintaining family is difficult with bp. I would suggest marriage counseling. In my own marriage it is difficult for my husband to weather through the highs and lows with me. Sometimes I feel like a burden. We work things out in therapy.

[Confusedandused]

Have you tried marriage counseling? My husband and I did and there were things that came out that I wasn't aware of at all. It has helped getting everything out with a mediator/counselor.

[Bipolarchic14]

I don't think I can ever get married I can't see myself tolerating people that much