Would you be offended if...

Hi everyone. Thank you in advance for reading this. Any thought or insight would be greatly appreciated.

I've mentioned previously about my agoraphobic symptoms. They are pretty severe. I really want to go to a bipolar support group in my area and my therapist also brought it up in my first session. The problem is, unless hypo, which I no longer officially am, I panic and cannot get out the door without my husband, mother or children accompanying me. I would like to attend the support group and bring my husband. My husband has a parent who suffers with BP. He is very supportive. He also suffers with depression and even has some bipolar traits we are keeping an eye on but he doesn't seem to suffer actual mania, just possible hypo. So he doesn't have a diagnosis except depression.

My question is, would you be offended having someone like me and him in a group with you? We are thinking of him attending, explaining our situation and having the members of the group decide if we should stay or not. My fear is, people might be offended by his presence but be too shy to speak up. Please let me know your honest feelings about it. In a perfect world, I'd just put on my big girl panties and go alone, but this won't happen right now. I need a support person or I need to wait until I'm in a place to go alone.

Thank you for your time and thoughts.

If I were in that support group I would be totally accepting.

I attended a depression group with friends before I felt I could do it alone. My friends sat and we're great support to me. I wouldn't be offended we all need support at tines especially in social situations.... you should go with your Husband :-)

Sent from my SM-A300FU using Tapatalk

I don't see why I would be offended at all especially if he is experiencing some similar traits.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I wouldn't be offended in the least. Support systems are so incredibly important!

My therapist said some people might be offended. Even if only 1 person did, I would feel bad but as RX said, he does go through up phases with limited sleep and he definately battles depression and has been in therapy for long periods. He also worked in mental health but I worry that could be triggering for some people so we probably won't mention it in the beginning. I think the group would do us both some good, so it's not entirely just for me.

The one time I made it to a group there was someone there who had a friend along just to help her feel comfortable (and the person attending was there to get information/help dealing with a relative's depression, not their own). Nobody had any problem with it at all.

When I did NAMI Peer-to-Peer there was initially a father-son duo and I'm pretty sure the father made up a diagnosis to be there with his son. The son didn't want to be there and they were there only a week or two but I remember thinking the dad was just there to support his son (a diagnosis is required at that particular class).

Honestly, I have to disagree with most of these posters. I am part of a NAMI support group and we have rules about who can attend and not attend. I don't think spouses or parents would be welcome, for example. They do have a family group therapy group at which he would be more than welcome.
You are right that one or two might be offended but not speak up for fear of hurting your feelings. In our group, I have seen our leader tell people they can't come in unless they are the "patient".
I too was attached to my spouse and didn't want to go alone. He drove me there, walked me to the door and was there at the door when I left. He went to the grocery and looked around while I was gone.
Another option would be to have your husband bring a pad, book, or phone and sit right outside the door of the room.
I am sorry if this is not a popular answer. I honestly think once you went (if your husband was nearby) you would be fine. Good luck!

I've personally learned a great deal from people with "just" unipolar depression.

I believe we, having BP, have two types of depression pretty much superimposed on one another. One is (possibly, and I believe, just one form of) unipolar depression, the other is dependent on mania, following mania (maybe/sometimes with some mixed state between the two).

So it can be very insightful to have someone with a similar type of (slowly worsening, I'd say; cf. immediately severe and slowly improving) depression in a group.

There's not a clear discontinuity between (possibly/probably just the one kind of) unipolar depression and BP.

I would personally not really like it if a parent would join a support group. Many of us have difficulties with parents and/or our childhoods or adolescence and others therefore might hold back or feel somehow conflicted.

I don't think the same problem exists with significant others. Maybe a little bit, though. But your need outweighs any of that, by much, I'd say.

Wow, that's really interesting. Are all NAMI groups like that, or is yours the only one that way?

I can see some benefits in having a patient-only support group.

DBSA is fairly lax from what I can tell. I wouldn't mind attending both NAMI and DBSA, although my anxiety is pretty bad these days... so who knows.

Thanks for the advise everyone. I think lilypup is right. I think I need to go alone but have my hubby wait outside. I'm sure he would be willing. I'm not ready for him to leave and shop yet, but being right outside in the car seems like something I can manage. The first steps are the hardest but I'm going to try. Thanks again everyone.

I would be fine with it. It should be in the evening so it would be up to the group. You're husband could also wait in the car.

I used to go to one that was ran by nami and I really don't think anyone would have cared. There were couples there, nobody questioned them...

if it was me i'd be okay with it.

i was going to support you but then i read the other posts and decided it may not be such a good idea.

I would welcome you both.

I don't think it's a case of "liking" or "welcoming" the spouse. But let's say someone in the group is having trouble with their spouse and wants to really vent in a negative way. This does happen on occasion. Having someone's spouse there might really inhibit what someone else says. For example, I would not like to have my kids there, even though they are adults. I rag on them sometimes and lots of other people vent on their kids. It doesn't mean we don't love them...it's just a safe, confidential place to talk. I just didn't want Elsa to think NAMI would not like her husband.

NAMI has a family-to-family group and activities on dealing with the MI person in the family. These are supposed to be just fantastic. You might check on that for your husband and/or any kids.

I'm in a DBT group and wouldn't be offended if one of the members brought someone. and once you get used to your group maybe it would get easier and get to the point where you could go by yourself . best of luck to you with the group though

Not at all. Sounds more than reasonable.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

My husband spoke with his parent and they said they bring their spouse and many people bring their spouses to their local group. I think I will check and see if this is happening at my local group. If others are already doing it, we will go for it. If not, I may need to give it some time. I'm having difficulty even showering alone right now. But I'm still coming down from being in the hospital. In group, I thought everyone adopted a form of my personality and everyone was mocking me. It was traumatizing and I'm afraid it will happen in group, but if it does, my husband will be outside and I can just leave. In time, I think I could manage if he waits outside. I'm really hoping others in the group will have a support person.

You seem to really be suffering from your seperation anxiety. Sorry if you already stated this, but are you in private therapy to work on this? I think you would benefit greatly from exposure therapy. They would start off small like going to a small store by yourself. It really does work if you put in work! I can't imagine having anxiety so bad where I need my SO by me at all times. I would feel like a great burden to him but he does love me and he probably would do it. He works third shift so once he leaves for the night im on my own. I'll stop at the store to get a few small things or go to my dads where im comfortable. Good luck to you and I really hope you can work on this with a professional! ((Hugs))

I definately need exposure therapy. I've done it in the past with success and I know that exposure is the only thing which will work long term. The first steps are the hardest, or so I remind myself.

Yes, it's really hard for me. My husband doesn't mind most of the time and actually I think if he minded more, I might not have gotten this bad. Not that I blame him, or even me, but I'm seeing my current predicament as a group effort with more than just me steering the boat. I've told him and my mom they need to encourage me to do more without them. I just don't think I'm there yet. Like I said, I hallucinate a bit and things get sketchy.

I am in therapy with my family and will begin individual therapy soon. I also see my PDOC alone, without my family in the room. Sometimes I can't get out, even with my family.... So believe it or not, I'm actually doing well just by getting out with them. I want to be independent though. I really need some independence in my life.