[piano97]

That is my goal. mastery of rapid cycling.

A couple months ago I started doing a mood/health tracker worksheet I made. Inconsistent a few different times on filling it out. I have been journaling most days though for awhile now. So I filled in gaps from that, a few days were still blank but I could extrapolate from the day before or after and from other things in journal.

I got a 35 day picture of what things have been like during that time. I've never done this before. I do not have more than 5 days of consistency (that was a few times) on any state (it was on stable state and mild totally harmless, sometimes quite helpful, hypomania).

"Not OK" depression and "Not OK" mixed states and not OK manic states were 10 days total, not lasting for more than 2 days at a time. Any time I've left work early has been on these days. Anytime I've made really poor decisions, socially, at work, etc was during these days. I sleep at least 2 hours less on these days, sometimes 3-4.

Stable and mild totally (or mostly) harmless hypo were 18 days total, no big interference with work, socially, judgement, etc. I might sleep a little less with this hypo but in general I'm fine and it's when I do best socially and at work, during the stable and mild hypo.

The other 7 were essentially 'well' days of either mild depression or mild mixed with some aspects of both. I did ok enough functionally, not great but generally not noticeable to others probably.

There's a 3 day depression (2 days tops of severe psycho-motor retardation, usually only one, I sleep much more, to do anything is hard) (1-2 days of I'm still really slowed down but can work through it still and get things done and take care of myself) that is followed by a stable time that goes mild hypo, mild starting to be too much hypo, then manic. then 2-4 some manic but some reality based stable aspects too. then the 3 day depression again.

This is basically two weeks. This is the last 35 days and can only speak for that. I'm kind of fascinated by this, I love spreadsheets, numbers and percentages and am a geek like that. To see it in numbers is totally different experience. I've been saying to myself lately that I'm going to master this. I've been resigning some to the fact that the cycling may not stop, but I can control and master it. To where functionality is not impaired.

I know for a fact I can knock out mania with meds. I did it like 10 days ago and sedated the heck out of myself, still only got like 6 hours but I was in a different reality the next day. I still had some features but I reality tested them in my head a lot and a lot more clearly. What could have helped would have been to less mildly sedate myself 2-3 days before, and avoided it altogether. Instead, I wrote bizarre emails at work and made an unrealistic plan to revolutionize basically, the mental health system in jails. And also was pretty sure my bloodline was crossed with god/jesus'. I was awfully special, pretty much a genius). Turns out my plan wasn't so great 5 days later, and more and more each day was not "bloodline". Because I did a one time bolus basically, and then normal dose + prn ever since then.

So I can get better at this and master it.

Rapid cycling bi-polar. You nearly broke me. Now it's my turn to brake you.
Meds, exercise, nutrition, structure!, employment, social supports, medical supports. The combination can and will heal me of this.

Today I'm very very mildly hypo, and about to more than likely hit a stable 4-5 day stint. let's see if my charting is accurate to make predictions with. I will update this in a few days.

Notes: I increased lamictal 50mg today to 300 total.
I was dx in Nov 2014 after totally cracking. A terribly uncomfortable mixed state with terrible anxiety. A very rough year followed. Constant med adjustments, 3 stints in daily IOP, severe changes in functioning. In March of this year I started a new job after about 3 months of no work at all. The structure has been so good for me and I think is a big reason why I'm doing so well as a whole. I had been working 3 12 hour shifts, at night. Though i missed over half the year in total and even after cutting down to 2 12's a week.

Alright, I'll stop rambling now! And will update in a few days. Thanks,

[kkrrhh]

Wow, good job keeping up with the tracking and sticking to it! I've considered doing more tracking and journaling type stuff but could never keep up with it that long.
It sounds like it could be very helpful.

Great job on the journaling! That sounds like super rapid cycling to me. Those 12 hour shifts are probably doing something there though. Sounds like you have a nice amount of history documented. Keep it up.

[piano97]

THere is no question the 12s and nights messed me up, I crossed a line, and then fell apart. I used to tell doctor it was only bc of the 12s. Or the night shift. He says that's what brought it out, but it was there before. When I look back I was having episodes the last couple years before dx, I just didn't recognize them as that. And they were also longer then too I think, and less severe. I was hoping stopping 12s, and then nights, would help. I think it has, a lot, but the cycling is still there. I'm hopeful I can either extend the time between cycles eventually, or if not, just flat out mitigate them with treatment interventions. This spreadsheet thing though is great and I'm glad I did it and can see info in such a clear concrete way. I had never thought to use my numbers/money/excel spreadsheet skills to combat things. I honestly feel nicely empowered this morning.

[PenguinExMachina]

Wow. You've done an excellent job. I'm very impressed with your motivation, it sounds like it will be very helpful for you, and I hope for the best. Good luck!
It's also really given me hope. I do this mood tracker worksheet with my counselor, but I am horrible at remembering to fill it out every day. To be honest, I hate the thing. I don't think it gets the whole picture. I've been tempted to make my own. One that does more than just track my mode from High 1-3 and Low 1-3. I think there are more variables to it than that.

[cincidak]

Are you adjusting your medications on your own, or is your doctor telling you what to adjust? It is possible to become stable for many of us who suffer from bipolar disorder. I'm stable now for the past six months. No marked periods of mania, or depression. I have very mild symptoms when I do have cycling. I used to rapid cycle. I take an two antipsychotics/antimanic medications, Saphris and Geodon. Both seem to be fairly weight neutral, and they are not very sedating to me. I get slightly drowsy around noon, but I can work through it. It only lasts for about two hours. I also take 150mg of Lamictal, and only 150mg of Paxil. Best I've ever felt.

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[cincidak]

150mg of Paxil, not 150mg,lol.

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[cincidak]

10mg of paxil

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[piano97]

Penguin I think it can be really helpful. Don't make it more complicated than it is. Maybe do it in afternoon or evening after the most of the day has happened. It's just a snapshot and guide, too, not a definitive picture. On mine I had 7 different 'types' of days. Depressed OK, Mixed OK, Hypo OK, Stable, then Dep/Mixed Not OK and Manic Not OK (even though it feels like it IS ok!). The danger zone for me is the mixed not ok and manic. That is where my judgment is way off, can get in serious trouble at work for poor decision-making/out of character grandiousity, make poor personal decisions. It's also just incredidbly uncomfortable at 'mixed not OK'. That is when I pace all day and feel like I'm going to explode into a million pieces. A full day of work is not possible in that state.

I'm really hoping this new insight helps me.

Cincidak, that's for your message too. This is great to hear you are in a good stable spot. I mentioned I upped lamictal a couple days ago, that was per MD advice. He had said to go up 100mg about a month ago. I did 50 a few weeks and 50 more now. I was messing with risperdal for awhile, tried to stop it completely actually. That didn't work.

Again, Cincidak, this makes me hopeful to hear you used to cycle, and are now in a smooth place!! I have read that it's usually not permanent, just a temporary state in the big picture. I think my prognosis short term is the cycle will continue but my ability to function through it is the important part. And I am getting better at it, I think.

As far as where I'm at so far today, and yesterday, I feel relatively stable and clear, some mild hypo but no problems and not bothersome.

If I'm predicting, I'll stay this way thru middle of next week or so and then be at risk for ramping up too far. I need to accept intervening at that point is OK, and not let it continue to danger zone. There is appeal in allowing myself to feel some of the euphoria in manic zone even though I know it's dangerous. I also make really poor work decisions and have embarrassed myself a couple times since I started new job. (major grandiousity out of the blue, and then the day I laughed the entire day including during a meeting, which I got up and left). It is best to just put it down in the first couple days where I'm clearly getting too high, before any problems arise. Risperdal works everytime for me. Take an extra mg for a couple days or do some split dosing.

[cincidak]

See for me, I've been stable for three months. I take Saphris and Geodon daily, not prn (as needed) I have no major changes in mood, only mild fluctuations like you might have normally. I think it's possible to be symptom free. You just have to find the right medications and dosage. For me it was a combination of Saphris and Geodon. 12.5mg of Saphris at bedtime along with 60mg of Geodon at bedtime, then 10mg of Saphris at noon. I'm not even anxious anymore. I'm hoping my body doesn't get to used to this combination and quit working, but for now it works which makes me happy. I hope you find what works for you. Don't give up.

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[BastetsMuse]

I used to rapid cycle.. heck, it'd be a matter of hours in each mood, and three or more moods in a day. I eventually got my meds straight and it stopped the cycling (thank you Geodon) then I had to fight a bit more to get the depression I went into lifted. That seems to have just happened... and I hope it holds.

[piano97]

I'm hopeful it will stop. It is not pleasant. I deeply miss my 'old' life, pre-breakdown. The last year or so before diagnosis, I had several depression or hypomanic episodes but they were not so quick and longer lasting, and less severe. To go through the whole gamut in 2 weeks is too often. On the plus side the depression stuff the last couple months has been lighter, though the opposite end has been quite a bit more intense. (it's spring after all so makes sense, likewise for 'mainly' being in depression last winter with a spike for a few days here and there. i'm hopeful the 300 of lamictal I started a few days ago will help me. For now, all I notice is my memory is even worse than before, example, I really don't remember getting out of bed today and it's only 1pm. I also easily forget things, example, I made a sandwhich yesterday, ate half of it, sat it down, and an hour or so later made another sandwhich, not even remembering (until I saw the half I hadn't eaten on my desk).

[annielovesbacon]

Wow, this is awesome! I've been trying to track my mood too but in a journal. I am not very good at it. Maybe i will try a spreadsheet type thing like you!

[piano97]

I'm not having memory problems today and yesterday. overall I feel good the last few days. Have been on the 300 lamictal for 5 or 6 days now. Felt fogged out for a couple days, better since then. I predicted I'd have a stretch of stable/some mild harmless hypomania for a week or so. I did that based on my spreadsheet tracking. My best guess is that I'll have a couple more days of pretty good normal, and then be at risk of going too high. And if I do i need to put it down on the first day. Extra risperdal. I don't want to wait and go too far. I make an *** of myself at work if I do that. So I'm going to try to stay in the nice normal stable/slight hypo stage. Boring, but alledgedly worth it according to MD and therapist. I agree it's best. But that's my goal. Knock out going too far up the manic side on the first day it's really noticeable. I can tell it's coming on a couple days before, or the potential for is coming. It's a battle. If I get on the manic end, it can feel so amazing good. I can laugh for 20 minutes straight, at practically nothing. Sometimes I feel like I'm way special, like specially chosen. To do whatever I'm fixated on at the time. Winning the lottery, solving a major societal problem, being the smartest person at work. On the flip side, I start falling apart at work, I don't do well at work when I'm like that, I make as *** out of myself, I start to eventually have trouble socializing bc am too tangential and rapid. I pace around all the time. It's maddening actually. With the illusion that it's all worth it and the healing energies of the world are moving through my body, making all depression and suffering worth the price. I may not have much of a say in whether I have bipolar or not. None really. But I do have say in how I manage it and how well I learn to master it. And that's my goal.

I admire you. I'm striving to master it to. Wishing us both lots of luck and awareness to make it happen.