[annmaria]

I am so fed up of been depressed, meds seem to work and then they are not. This up and down is driving me crazy, I feel like crying all the time but I can't. Maybe a good would be a great way to get relief.

I have been feeling like this since January, I am now taking risperdal and just started on lamictal. Risperdal has eased the suicidal Ideations they were incredibly strong. They took a lot out of me and wore me down, the depression and racing thoughts have got better. I just now feel so fed up with been dx with BP1 what a crock of s**t.

I am feeling very sorry for myself and I think it's somewhat justified. I am praying that this is the end and my moods stabilize and I get some happy/normal time. At times I feel good and then suddenly from nowhere I am back to feeling depressed and having intrusive thoughts that are disturbing. Then I am back to feeling ok, but I am not functioning like I should be.

As I have only been recently dx, I have had mania with psychotic features then crushing depression. Does this mean that I should have normal functioning again, or can I suffer again with mania or depression. I am not sure what to expect and I am frightened of not really knowing. I really want to try and get functioning, I am feeling useless. My family are supportive but I am feeling guilty that I am not able to do daily stuff.

Thanks for allowing me to vent a bit Things can only get better




Annmaria

[gina_re]

This is the exact same roller coaster that I was on. Since January I had been having problems. I was up I was down, I had to miss many days of work because I just could not function at all. January was the worst part, but it really was the combination of seeing my therapist and my pdoc to get a handle on the situation. I'm pretty sure I annoyed the heck out of my pdoc, but I had to so that I could become sane again. So I could be "normal." So I could just be functional in life without having to make so much more effort.
What helped me when I started having obsessive thoughts was to journal like crazy. I just need the thoughts out of my head to relieve the insanity that was in my brain. A lot of people color to help with anxiety as well, but that didn't exactly work for me.
I would sleep every chance I got, go days without a shower, and pretty sure my house (and me of course) smelled because I was so lazy with cleaning.
In between those phases, I would feel ok. I could somewhat socialize and talk to people. I could plaster a smile on my face. I was better at completing work. But it didn't feel like it was for real. It was a sort of temporary feeling because I still struggled to keep it going.
Anyway, I'm sure sharing my experience will not resolve your problems. But I just wanted to let you know that I was going through the exact same thing only a few weeks ago and I've finally pulled myself out of that hole. It's weird, but I am finally able to feel the fresh air. I'm confident that you will be able to join me as well. Pm me anytime you need to. Please take of yourself.

[Skeezyks]