I'm having a situation right now

Haha. No. I don't mind.

I refer to everything as a situation, when there is a situation of course, like, "Oh. I better do that or she's going to have a situation.", or ,"We're having a really big hornet problem on our patio." (that would be just one hornet by the way and you can hear it buzzing from a mile away, which I just did by the way!)

I don't think I'm doing that bad right now. I mean, as in, I'm not doing anything wrong right now! I'm not totally out of control. I really think my husband is exagerating. I feel not right, but I think he's wrong. I don't know. I'll be alright. Some positive self talk and I'll be fine.

Oh, and I'd rather buy a giant bottle of vodka and start drinking again than go on an AP. They'd have to strap me down and inject me.

NOT HAPPENING.

Alcohol is just like benzodiazepines. It creates more anxiety eventually than it does away with for the moment.

Antipsychotics are your only hope.

I really feel your pain and I am sorry.

True. Benzos and booze cause rebound anxiety. I've been on APs for over ten years and function just fine. APs are usually a staple in a cocktail for BP and they work wonders for bringing you back to earth.

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I'm not actually going to start drinking. I hate alcohol. Alcohol and I parted on bad ways. My point is that I hate APs so much I'd rather become a drunk again than take one.

In fact... I'd choose to have one of my toes amputated rather than take an AP.

I felt the same about AP's, but turns out they work ok for me. I'm only committed to taking them for short periods. But I understand, I felt the same as you very recently.

They do not work out for me. My body hates them. For me they are like poison.

(And no that's not delusional crazy lady talk!)

Why are you so opposed to APs? I know I should know but I can't even remember if you have done them. Oh, I know you've done Seroquel. But the others? Not trying to say you should, just curious.

I fought tooth and nail against them. Then I agreed to go on them because I was desperate and had no other real options (ran through everything else). So then I took them but had nasty reactions to one after another. I had always asked to avoid 2 of them-Seroquel and Zyprexa (b/c I worked where the psychiatrist snowed people with Seroquel and I was scared of an effect it doesn't have when used responsibly and for Zyprexa I have a scary family hx of diabetes). Eventually I ran out of options and had to go on Seroquel which worked really well for me for a long time (until it didn't). Clozaril was terrifying but has saved me. I doubt I'd still be here if I hadn't gone on it.

I totally understand not choosing to use certain drugs. I wouldn't if I hadn't pretty much been forced to by non-responsiveness to all other treatments and I think that's reasonable for anyone.

I've been on all the ones I can afford and with nasty side effects and after weaning off seroquel and how mean my last pdoc was about them, I swore I would never go on one again and I'm not going on risperdal.

I can't put my body through that again. I just can't. I mean I really can't! I'll get through this on my own.

I've had terrible side effects too. Just got out of my 2nd ER visit last night for allergic reaction. Possibly to RISPERDAL or Latuda. Side effects are terrible and make me want to go med free again but that never ends well for me.

And besides that the world should change to accomodate me. I shouldn't have to change to accomodate the world.

All I can say is hang in there. It's too soon to be positive but it looks very promising that my 71st cocktail (I forget how many meds but well over 40) is the one that is at least getting me back to able to survive day to day without major symptoms. That's huge. Getting there is so hard and being told to hang in there doesn't help but if it happened (may be happening) for me it can for you as well. I had given up hope because I knew that clozaril was my last option and I just assumed something would go wrong but aside from sedation, hand tremors, drooling at night and minor things it's gone very, very well. It's the best I've felt in years and that includes some time I thought I was doing pretty well.

Someday this may be thrown back in my face if clozaril causes a problem but so far it is just easy to handle and after trying so many meds I thought that was impossible for me.

Have you tried Geodon, or Saphris? I tried Seroquel, Risperdal, Latuda, Abilify, and Risperdal, and they all gave me side effects I couldn't deal with, or they had no effect on me. Then my Dr tried Saphris. From the first day it made a huge difference. It did however cause some swelling in my legs, so my Dr prescribed a diuretic, and it also caused restless leg syndrome in me, so my Dr prescribed Requip. I'm stable now for nine months. If you haven't tried Geodon , or Saphris maybe ask your Dr about them. Unfortunately I don't think there are any antipsychotics out there that don't have some kind of side effect. God bless

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Understand. Just know that if the day comes you find yourself trying one that it's ok. I had a hard time believing that after I fought it so long (and then had it emphasized when a family dr refused to take a patient on APs on even though I had a pdoc and the family dr wouldn't have to deal with the APs).

I liked risperdal. It raised my blood pressure to 200/100 and that caused me to gain 30 lbs of fluid weight for my sister's wedding (we didn't know this until after the wedding and the pictures of me are awful; my dress doesn't fit and I look fatter than usual and by the end of the night my plastic shoe had ruptured from my swollen feet) but it worked well.

Again, not trying to say you should take APs, just interested. I think I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't gone on them since APs did make work a LOT harder. I don't think I could have worked without APs but I also think I couldn't work with them, if that even makes sense.

Now I'm just grateful. My mom told me today that I was so sick in Dec/Jan that she doesn't think I was eating except when she made me dinner every night. My therapist says I was down to weekly showers. I have no recall of important things from that time. Clozaril is fixing that (not restoring memories but at least I am showering and eating and building new memories.

Bipolar is a scary, scary illness.

I don't have any situations to relate to this right now, but I really can understand not wanting to take a certain drug. You're the patient, you know yourself best, therefore it is your right. At the same time I hope you are able to find something that works for you. Take care

I understand about not wanting to take APs. I would ask others that are med free how they do it. I know you're not completely med free but you could probably learn a lot from them.

I take geodon and have for years. I take a hefty dose 80mg twice a day.
It is what keeps me sane. no side effects, no weight gain
bipolar 1.
geodon 80mg twice daily
lamictal 300mg
klonipin .5mg to sleep

I was on geodon for awhile and it actually made me lose weight, but it gave me heart problems and I had to go off it.

I love APs, and I don't feel like they take away my creativity. They help a lot with my anxiety and overall mood, too. Talk to your pdoc, ASAP.

Diagnoses: Bipolar 2, OCD, GAD
Meds: Lithium, Trileptal, Latuda, Abilify, Xanax PRN and Xanax XR

How's the meowing?

She's meowing right now. lol!

There is a lot I don't enjoy about seroquel (the only AP I've tried), but it really seems to work for me, so I'm sticking with it. Everyone is so different though.

Well, I got five hours of sleep last night and I think I'm coming down. Of course, this could change because it's most likely still too soon to tell. If I am, I'm sure I'll become far less entertaining. lol

Anyway, I woke up today with this uneasy feeling combined with an unraveling feeling that is morphing into an embarssed feeling. Some bad feels going on this morning. It reminds me of a night of heavy drinking and waking up the next morning a being like wtf.