[Anxiousvalkyrie]

So I haven't slept in 2 days, Im super panicky and anxious and just not in a good place. It's been really really hard for me to leave my apartment lately. I've become really withdrawn.

This past few days I've really been obsessed about the giant scar I now have running the length of my forearm from my suicide attempt in April. It's thick, red and ugly. We are having some warm days now and I don't tolerate heat well but I feel like people are constantly staring at the scar and it makes me want to freak out on them.

I don't know whether I'm having trouble accepting the fact that I did this to myself or if I'm worried about people judging me or pitying me but I'm becoming more and more obsessed with it. The irony is it bothers me so much I start thinking about suicide again. Which rationally I know makes no sense.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm so embarrassed by it and feeling like people stare makes me want to lash out.

[Victoria'smom]

What about a cover up tattoo?

[MusicLover82]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

What about a cover up tattoo?

That is exactly what I was going to suggest. Make it into something beautiful.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

What about a cover up tattoo?

I've thought about that, and will likely end up getting one. I actually already contacted my tattoo artist back in the states to get his advice about it, even though I'll have to find a new artist here in Sweden. He said I should wait at least a year before getting a tattoo over it because the longer I let it heal the easier it will be to cover it. Plus the ink will hold better in an older scar.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you use make up to cover it up?

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I've tried that, unfortunately the cut was so deep it's not healing very well. (I also didn't get proper treatment after it happened to close the wound. So it's all puffy and raised up. Despite my best efforts it's still really noticeable even using dermablend (which is what I've used in past to cover up tattoos)

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

I feel like I screwed myself over so badly. Especially considering I already have serious body and vanity issues.

[Victoria'smom]

feel like I screwed myself over so badly. Especially considering I already have serious body and vanity issues I completely understand this.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

feel like I screwed myself over so badly. Especially considering I already have serious body and vanity issues I completely understand this.

It's a really, really hard thing.

[Victoria'smom]

Are you getting a therapist soon?

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Are you getting a therapist soon?

I see my therapist next week but I don't get to see the Pdoc until June 28th. That is the absolute earliest they could get me in. So I have to wait another month before I can actually get treatment and medication for my bipolar. Went back to the ER this week but all they did was give me like 3 benzo pills to take home with me and said they couldn't do anymore than that.

[Victoria'smom]

Keep going to the ER if you have to until your appointment.

[st0psign]

I actually have some big purple burn scars running the length of my forearm right now I'm not too happy to let out open in the warm weather.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

So I went to this flea market today and it was warm out so I was wearing short sleeves. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I was looking through a rack of clothing when some random guy came up to me and questioned me about the scar on my wrist and then proceeded to berate me with a lecture about suicide and how it's wrong and how I'm 'too pretty to have problems big enough to warrant ending my life'. I was so absolutely stunned I couldn't respond. There were so many people there it was hard to get away from him but eventually I just pushed through people and ran away. People are such a**holes. It ruined my entire day.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so sorry that was a real **** move the guy did.

[cincidak]

Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie

So I went to this flea market today and it was warm out so I was wearing short sleeves. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I was looking through a rack of clothing when some random guy came up to me and questioned me about the scar on my wrist and then proceeded to berate me with a lecture about suicide and how it's wrong and how I'm 'too pretty to have problems big enough to warrant ending my life'. I was so absolutely stunned I couldn't respond. There were so many people there it was hard to get away from him but eventually I just pushed through people and ran away. People are such a**holes. It ruined my entire day.

What an *** hole. So many don't understand that's it not a charater flaws in us. But a chemical imbalance. We'd feel normal if we could . If you have to keep going to the er till your appointment. So sorry you are going through this. Prayers for you.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know what it feels like to think you bring on and cause things when in truth, you are not in your right mind so not at fault. Please don't blame yourself for this. I think the tattoo idea is a very nice one. (((Hugs)))