[epatlanta]

Hi I'm new to the site and at a very troubling time in my marriage. I found my wife on the onset of a relationship with another man but things have been kind of "off" is the best way to describe it ever since we had our second baby. She has been lying to me repeatedly almost without any flinch or sign. This was the 5th time in almost 4 months and I served her with divorce papers. Not the smartest thing to do , I agree but after being lied too it's so hard to trust anymore. I left for a business trip like an idiot, and when we spoke on the phone while I was gone she was diagnosed with postpartum and severe anxiety, and I told her forget the divorce we will work through this and get counseling, "I didn't know". She agreed or maybe lied again so convincingly to me that we will get some counseling. Well, she left and took our children while I was on that work trip after we spoke just that morning. What I'm really worried here is that she actually is trying to convince others now that she was miserable and in an absolute terrible relationship. I have text messages from her saying what a great husband and father I am, and a ton of complimentary Facebook posts, it seems like I catch her cheating and now I'm a monster. What's even more troubling is that after we had our second child last June, and investigating, she was told by her ob to seek help for postpartum in 2015 and she never told me. She is now almost convinced that she needs to get out of this relationship and almost seems delusional as if she is trying to convince herself that it was bad. I found so many other things she was lying about and I feel like I have been married to two different people. She took just a weeks worth of clothes for the kids and a jewelry cabinet, just so irrational it doesn't make sense. I went to go speak to a therapist and she is convinced that it sounds like some type of personality disorder on top of postpartum. I don't want to be another statistic of postpartum divorce and I'm trying to save my family but now attorneys are involved and we can't talk to each other. Now she doesn't even want the marriage, I know I messed up with initially giving the divorce papers, but I caught cheating and that was so hurtful, and I didn't know what to do. We have two very young children, one just a baby, and I am so concerned for my family. I have met with 7 attorneys and they all say to fight her for full custody but am I too naive to say if there is any chance we can get help we should try?? I love my family and my children so much I know she's not thinking right now because her behavior is just so irrational. I would t take the boys from her I would rather just get some help, now she refuses to get help and just wants the divorce, all this in just 2 weeks after being together for almost 4 years. Has anyone here ever delt with this before?

[Skeezyks]

Hello epatlanta: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm afraid I don't have any useful suggestions for you here. Short of legal action, you can't force your wife to do anything she doesn't want to do. So I think you'll have to allow your attorney to guide your decision making. There are, however, many knowledgeable & caring members here on PC. There may be other members who will yet reply to your post with helpful suggestions.

Please keep posting. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will become. In addition to the forums, there are social groups you can join, & chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.)

One forum you may want to take a look at is the relationships forum: http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...communication/

Good luck...

[MusicLover82]

The unfortunate thing is, you can't make anyone get help for mental illness unless they are either willing or they a threat to herself/himself or others (that's when they are committed to an institution). If she is not good to the children, you can get full custody. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Keep us posted, and best wishes!