[Blaire]

I feel broken, like a waste of what could have been a good human being. I feel like a fraud because people say I'm a good person, but they don't know what a piece of crap I really am. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I need to stop typing because every time I see my hands, I get angry because they are alive and moving. I hate that I even exist. Sorry for complaining.

[MusicLover82]

Does your pdoc and T know you are feeling this way? How long has this been going on? It would be a good time to check in with your pdoc and T and see what changes can be made. You sound very depressed.

These feelings you have are the depression talking, not reality. In reality, you are amazing, awesome, and precious. Don't let the depression tell you otherwise by buying into the lies. Reach out to your doctors/professionals and support network for the support you need at this time. We're here for you, too, rooting for you!! :group hug:

P.S. If you are feeling like harming yourself or others, go to the ER immediately. We care about you.

(((((((((Blaire))))))))) Sorry you are feeling so crappy. Wish I had some magic words for you.

[raspberrytorte]

Awe, blaire. Hugs.

You're not an awful person. That's the depression talking. I feel the same way when I'm depressed. Do you have friends or family you could talk to? I am sure they would agree with me that you're not a terrible person.

[~Christina]

Bipolar lies .. The only consitant thing Bipolar does is...... lie and cycle..

Make sure your T and Pdoc know how your feeling.

Try to go easy and take care of yourself

[Crazy Hitch]

I hope you feel a bit better soon

[Kia1025]

Hi Blaire!
I just want you to know that you are not alone in these feelings. As someone with bipolar disorder I get these feelings quite often. I hope that you have spoken to your doctor or someone about the way you are feeling. I worry because of how severe this seems to me by the way you describe how you are feeling.
It is understandable to get depressed or sad at times and I know that my words will not change those feelings for you. I do want you to know that everybody makes mistakes and does bad things but that does not mean that you are a "piece of crap." You are a strong person for waking up each day and making it through the day. I just want you to know that there are people that care for you and know that you are a great person and someone that is important in their lives. I know that when I am feeling down and I just cant stand to be here I read quotes.
I am going to share a quote with you that always makes me chuckle and feel a little better.

"Just because you are trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called a garbage can not garbage cannot."

I am in no way implying you are trash. I just love it because to me it is saying that even something people think negative things about does not mean it is useless.

It's funny.

I hope you are feeling better. I am here for you as someone who has gone through this if you ever feel like you have nobody.

Originally Posted by Blaire

I feel broken, like a waste of what could have been a good human being. I feel like a fraud because people say I'm a good person, but they don't know what a piece of crap I really am. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I need to stop typing because every time I see my hands, I get angry because they are alive and moving. I hate that I even exist. Sorry for complaining.

[Blaire]

Thank you guys. I really appreciate your support. Yesterday was very tough, I could barely even talk. Today I have more energy but am kind of in a mixed episode now. I see my pdoc in a couple weeks, and she will change my meds at that point if I haven't leveled out. I do think the increased Seroquel is helping, but I'm still having these really intense patches. Sucks.

[Lookn4mylife]

Originally Posted by Blaire

I feel broken, like a waste of what could have been a good human being. I feel like a fraud because people say I'm a good person, but they don't know what a piece of crap I really am. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I need to stop typing because every time I see my hands, I get angry because they are alive and moving. I hate that I even exist. Sorry for complaining.

Blaire, I know when you feel as bad as you obviously do at this time, it's almost impossible not put yourself down, but I just want say that you are not a waste, you are not a fraud and you definitely are not a piece of crap. Let me tell you what you are: YOU ARE A FIGHTER, YOU HAVE PERSERVERENCE, YOU ARE STRONGER THAN A REGULAR PERSON WHO DOESNT HAVE TO CONSTANTLY FIGHT FOR THERE LIFE...LITERALLY. I DONT KNOW YOU PERSONALLY, BUT I KNOW YOUR STRUGGLES, THEREFORE I KNOW YOU ARE AMAZING, A WARRIOR, AND A BEAUTIFUL PERSON. KEEP FIGHTING BLAIRE. YOU DESERVE TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL, HAPPY LIFE.