[JustDontSayImCrazy]

I find myself ideating more and more.

Possible trigger:

There’s a pedestrian crossing just outside work and twice this morning I’ve fantasised about cars not stopping. At the moment I don’t think I can be trusted; that’s not to say I’m actually suicidal but I am obsessing about harming myself.

Part of the fear is that I’m not afraid – if that makes any kind of sense.

Possible trigger:

My own desire for injury is not being tempered by anything.

I just think about it, over and over, and I’m feeling so impulsive.

Anyway, that’s me. Thanks for listening.

[BastetsMuse]

Are you talking to a therapist about this? It's really important that you speak to a pdoc or therapist about these thing so you don't act on them.

[JustDontSayImCrazy]

Originally Posted by BastetsMuse

Are you talking to a therapist about this? It's really important that you speak to a pdoc or therapist about these thing so you don't act on them.

I've been trying to access therapy for a long time on the NHS, but because I'm with a specialist MH team they only really cater for people who don't work; basically nothing out of hours that I could actually make it to. There was some talk about referring me back to my GP so they could do another referral to talk therapy, but honestly I just feel like none of them give a ****.

My care coordinator isn't exactly a fluffy kitten, I've been on his casebook for about 18 months now and I've still not been able to call him for advice or whatever. He's very practical - as long as I'm still at work I'm doing 'great'. Very irritating.

The thing is, I need to get off meds to start planning a family. If I talk to my pdoc, who I am seeing on the 11th, she may want to get the meds started again. That would ruin my husband's and my plans for a baby. So I have to be OK. I just don't know how to be OK.

[Prism Bunny]

You need to set up an appointment with a therapist/psychologist so you can discuss these urges and idealisation to harm or kill yourself. What you are describing may be an obsessive, intrusive thought pattern that can easily be solved by speaking to someone and going on the right medication (even if only for a temporary time). And there are medications that are deemed safe to take while pregnant if you are worried about that.

I hope you get the help you need!

Sorry that you're having difficulty getting what you deserve through NHS. : S

Thoughts of self harm mixed with a more impulsive behavior pattern can end deadly. Please seek out help right away. I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly. Big hugs and please get some additional help ASAP. (((Hugs)))

[OctobersBlackRose]

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to give you some (((hugs)))