Melt down. First time posting.

Hello All:

I am new here and looking for support. I apologize in advance for the long-winded post, but I don't know where to turn.

waI have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar Depression with Psychosis, as well as Borderline Personality Disorder. I am taking 200mg of Seroquel, 120mg of Cymbalta, and 100mg of Lamictal. About 2 weeks ago I stopped taking Lamictal (cold turkey). I didn't feel quite right, like something was wrong, and my anger kept rising, and rising. I also have some stress at the home, but when I look at it, is it really that bad? No, it's not.

However, yesterday I felt my anger boil over, smashed a chair, went after my son, smashed glassware, and cursed and called my sister and wife some pretty horrid things. Then I broke down crying uncontrollably. Afterward, after talking to a friend and seeing my psychiatrists' nurse, and taking my dose of Lamictal, I felt better; guilty as heck, but I felt more calm.

My question is this: Going off Lamictal cold turkey and taking Seroquel and Cymbalta only, are these the reasons for my melt down? Am I a bad person? Why did I do this? Why?

I don't ever want to put my family through these things ever again, and I don't want to melt down ever again. I haven't been to counseling in months, I have been on Pamelor, Effexor, Prozac, and what seems like a ton of other meds. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this?

Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

Going off any meds cold turkey can cause withdrawal symptoms which can include irritability. I also know intense anger is a hallmark symptom of borderline. Have you considered dialectical behavioral therapy (dbt)? Meds can only do so much. If you have borderline, you also need to learn techniques to regulate your mood. Dbt will teach you those techniques. It's very intense and takes a lot of commitment and willingness to practice it, but it can be very helpful. I've done dbt a few times and use the skills in the distress tolerance module when I am feeling out of sorts.

Look up dbt and see if you can find a group of private therapist in your area that offers it.

Thank you very much for the input. Did I go off because I went off a med cold turkey, a few weeks ago?

It is possible your 'freak out' could be due to the cold turkey but it also could be part of the bipolar cycle. I get like that at times without changing my meds but U must admit that after years of therapy and some meds I very rarely have extreme behaviour like I used to. Take care and stay in touch with your nurse. And as wildflower child said a good DBT course can help you to manage your emotions. Therapy (including DBT) has worked wonders for me.

Hi, welcome to the group.

Thank you very much, again. I am going to try this therapy that you guys have suggested, and thank you for the warm welcome. I just wish I wasn't this way.

Hang in there and keep us posted

I just want to say welcome to the forum, and hang in there.

No, you're not a bad person.
And yes, anger and irritability are possible withdrawal symptoms with lamictal. I get baaad irritability, which isn't usually an issue for me, any time I taper lamictal just 25 mg at a time. I imagine cold turkey could be pretty bad.

Maybe try having a really open and honest conversation with your family about it if you haven't. Letting them know how other things are affecting you and that the "real" you wouldn't really intend to be hurtful or so angry might help them and you. Good luck, I hope things improve for you

Hello and welcome to the forum! I don't think you're a bad person at all. But going off a med "cold turkey" isn't a good idea because of all the variables that can happen with the withdrawl.

Going to therapy in addition to the meds can be very helpful. I suggest you look more into that like others have said.

Again welcome to the group!