[dorsey5858]

I just started a new job and after 2 days on the floor I want to call in sick. In a profession that I've worked at for 38 years. It's a stressful job in the medical field. I'm good at what I do and I do a good job but I'm so over it. I'm pursuing something I truly love on the side, but I need this job to take care of myself. My second day at work I felt so on the edge, easily irritated, tearful (I actually cried a few times during a few conversations. I wasn't "inappropriate" but I knew that I was on the edge). So I'm off a few days and I had all these plans to accomplish some goals but all I've done is lay around, watch tv, and did a little reading. I did exercise earlier. How do you say, "sorry folks, I have bipolar disorder and I need to take a few days off." There is no one else to pay my bills except me. Maybe it's the stress of starting a new job. I didn't sleep at all the night before my first day. I was over sensitive at times I know. I turn 61 this year. I wonder if I can make it to retirement. Most days at work are so satisfying, I make other people laugh, but some days are like today. Tears running down my face and feeling isolated. I'd like to hear how other people cope. Do I call in and rest for a few days? Or suck it up and suit up and show up?

Being the bill-payer who struggles with working, I feel your situation. I'm a damn mess some days for sure. It's not a fun position to be in. Do you have paid days available? (Sorry, no idea if that's a lag time thing or not, never having had them.) If so, I think it'd be fine to take one or two. I'd lean away from taking more than that, because it might make it harder going back -- don't want to let new job anxieties take root if that makes any sense. Just my opinion of course, based on my own adventures in anxiety. (Years ago, if I had a bunch of days off, I'd be afraid I'd forgotten how to pour coffee, lol.) Maybe that's not the case for you. Otherwise, something to consider.

Do you have any PRN meds that might help? Would half-days be an option for easing back into it?

[bizi]

rest when you can talk with human resources if you feel brave enough, callin sick one day to regroup. just some suggestions.
sorry you are going thru this hard time.
bizi

[gina_re]

Starting a new job for anyone is nerve wracking in general. But in a bipolar episode it can magnify the intensity of the feelings. I would take that into consideration so be gentle with yourself knowing that this time should pass. Easier said than done, I know. But I've been in similar situations and knowing that I have to support myself, I try and work it out with my employer for some flexibility if possible so that I can do the best at my job. Maybe a specific schedule may be best for you...? I hope you are able to resolve this issue. Please take care of yourself.

Call in and rest for a few days. Go easy on yourself. It will be ok. You probably got thrown off by stress and the insomnia. It happens to a lot of us. Rest and no stress is like hitting your reset button and then you will be doing better.

Keep us posted. Thinking of you.

(((Hugs))). I sense the desperation in your writing. I hope the thing you are pursuing out of love and passion can someday sustain you financially until you retire. It's better to work doing something you love, but so few actually get to do that. ((Hugs))

[dorsey5858]

Thanks everyone. Tears are running down my face out of gratitude for having people that understand. I've denied myself support for so long. Part of the reason being my denying that I have a disorder that needs daily awareness. Partly due to the fact that none of my friends have bp disorder. A few are compassionate toward me but I can tell that they feel helpless so I don't go to them when I'm suffering. Maybe a huge part of it is that I beat myself up when I'm unstable, searching for what I did wrong, showing very little compassion for myself. Thank you all for your support and feedback. I'm practically sobbing as I write this (guess I am unstable) but mostly I'm sobbing because there are people who understand. It's time to stop denying myself the support I so badly need. Maybe I will call in sick after I write this. I'm in orientation so I could easily make up the days at the end of the week. I could never tell anyone at work my diagnosis. I take care of patients and I hear everyday how my fellow coworkers feel about people with a mental disorder. I know that I'm rambling on. I have hypertension. Mostly controlled. But if my blood pressure was sky high would I have a problem calling in and taking care of myself? We all know the answer. Then why do I
not have the same compassion for myself now? That is my biggest challenge with this disorder. Showing myself the compassion that you all have just showed me. That is the one thing that will keep me alive more than anything else. I'm going to do a few more post so I can meet y'all in the chat room.

[dorsey5858]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Being the bill-payer who struggles with working, I feel your situation. I'm a damn mess some days for sure. It's not a fun position to be in. Do you have paid days available? (Sorry, no idea if that's a lag time thing or not, never having had them.) If so, I think it'd be fine to take one or two. I'd lean away from taking more than that, because it might make it harder going back -- don't want to let new job anxieties take root if that makes any sense. Just my opinion of course, based on my own adventures in anxiety. (Years ago, if I had a bunch of days off, I'd be afraid I'd forgotten how to pour coffee, lol.) Maybe that's not the case for you. Otherwise, something to consider.

Do you have any PRN meds that might help? Would half-days be an option for easing back into it?

Thanks Innerzone. (hope I'm doing this right. I'm still learning how to navigate this site). I literally just started but got benefits immediately so at least I can get my Rx filled. I was taking Mirtazapine once in a while when I couldn't sleep. I just did more research on it and plan to take a half a dose, 7.5mg now and maybe twice a day for the next couple of days. I see a pcychdoc on July 1st.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I used to find the first week of a new job was always completely exhausting and about the hardest the job would ever be. I don't know if that is true for others.

[JustJace2u]

Hang in there. I work 40+ hours a week and attend school (except in the summer). It definitely isn't easy, but it is something I feel I need to do. Yes, there are days when I just wanna give up and die, but yet here I am.

Like a few others have already said or hinted at, the first week or so at any job can be a bit awkward and stressful. You're having to get used to a new environment and a new set of people, along with all the rules...etc.

[Blaire]

I've never survived the first week of a new job without a lot of tears, but I've always gone on to be successful. I'm learning a new job right now, and it's tough, but I've been through this before and know to expect a few breakdowns. Ability to hold it together isn't a measure of ability to do the job. Have compassion for yourself and take time to slow down and rest if you need it.

[Fresia]

Some companies have a qualifying period but when you are eligible, consider filing for "intermittant" FMLA, Family Medical Leave (Act). BP is a qualifying diagnosis. It will give you some the days you need to take care of yourself, for appointments, and therapy without repercussions or using up sick days while protecting your position. Contact HR to find out how to apply. You do not need to disclose to the employer the diagnosis, only whom their FML is through do need to disclose it.

Do what you need to to take good care of you and hang in there. I know it is harder some times more than others to go in. Sending big hugs meanwhile.

[Wanderlust90]

I work as a nurse in a hospital emergency department, I can relate to how you feel. I don't have the answers but I do have an understanding ear to lend.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

As time goes on, I am finding it harder to work when my mood is off center. I tend to say to myself that I probably need to be at home today. When I have to call my pdoc, he always offers me doctor's excuses in case I need to take a few days off. I don't even have to provide excuses until I am off three days in a row. I'm just afraid that people will find out about my diagnosis and I they will find a reason to fire me or hold it against me if I make a mistake.

I'll recommend what I don't follow though with. Take it easy on yourself. Try to get as much rest as you can between shifts until you adjust. Take off if you need to but as someone else noted, don't take off so much time that you don't give yourself time to adjust to your new job. Some stress is normal.