Lost it today

Today I was supposed to go to over to my friends house (we'll call her V) for the first time in months, or rather since my most recent manic episode started. I've posted about her before, I've been having some issues with our friendship. She can be a very high maintenance friend.

I was doing fine all day, I got a good nights sleep and an easy relatively stress free morning. Then I started getting nervous but decided I would go anyways, and took a benzo to curb any further anxiety. I spent a bunch of time doing my makeup and getting dressed (even though I could have gone in pajamas and unkempt hair) then about 5 minutes before we were supposed to leave (my husband was going wih me) I completely lost it. Hyperventilating, crying panic attack. I had to cancel. Another friend of mine (whom I really wanted to see) was also supposed to be there, and I still wish I could have seen her, I guess it was the thought of spending time with V and thinking about how much she stresses me out.

Did I overreact? Also, if I'm having a reaction this strong to just going over to her house to hang out should I reassess my relationship with her? I'm pretty sure it's not normal to have this kind of reaction to something so benign.

I say you reassess your relationship with her. If she can spark a panic attack maybe she is just someone you don't need it your life.

It's really hard and serious business to end a friendship. If you are certain she is the reason for your panic attack, then yes, it's time to seriously reconsider a friendship.

When I'm in a bad state, I can't leave my house at all. It doesn't matter who it is, how much I love or like them. It doesn't even matter if it's a legal matter and my not showing up could result in incarceration. I've crumpled into a sobbing ball onto the ground in panic and incoherence if I'm in a bad place. I guess what I'm asking is, are you sure your reaction was about her? If it is, then you deserve better.

Good luck with your decision and I hope you are feeling better.

Someone told me a long time ago that I have a right to my feelings. I think that's true for everyone & especially in this case! You have a right to whatever emotions are stirred up in you without having to think of it as 'over-reacting'.

Maybe look for patterns? If this is a pattern of reactions with interactions (or potential interactions) with her, than maybe it's time to reconsider the type of friendship you have.

I hope you're doing better & good luck to you.

I've been pretty good about leaving my house during this episode. I go out and do a lot of things by myself or with my husband. I've also been hanging out with one of my other friends (she was the one that was also supposed to have been their last night). I just made plans to model for another friend of mine next week for her photoshoot so I don't think it's people in general that are freaking me out. Hanging out with the two ladies I just mentioned doesn't cause me any stress at all. They're really laid back and things are just 'easy' with them.

But my other friend just causes me so much stress. Sometimes I can pinpoint exactly what it is and other times just the thought of her or even seeing something she's posted on social media will cause me stress or make me panic.

I haven't wanted to sever anything yet because I wasn't sure if it was just the mania causing it, but my reaction seems to be just about her and not any of my other friends. I'm so torn as to what to do.