[BeyondtheRainbow]

How long have you been kept on suicide precautions? I went on heavy ones (no access to meds, sharps, etc without close supervision) in Jan. 2012. I graduated back to handling meds myself in spring of 2014 after not being suicidal for a good year. Even then in winter 2015 I had influenza and missed 2 weeks of therapy and my therapist called to be sure I was ok (the timing was the worst time of year for me).

I certainly have been suicidal throughout the last year but not so much that they took anything away except I handed over one item to my therapist that I was worried about having access to.

But last week my pdoc said something about not wanting me to have access to too much medication; at the time she was discussing gabapentin. I know she'd also said she was not letting me have more than I left the hospital on, even though the hospital pdoc was all for using it as much as possible (I'm on much less now). I assume this means that I have enough of it to be risky. I am not allowed to read that part of drug profiles so please don't tell me how much is dangerous; I'm not allowed to know.

I know that the last year has definitely not been a safe period of my life and that suicide risk can increase as you feel better. They also are extra careful because I know enough about meds to be dangerous.

But I'm just curious, how long have you been closely watched after a serious plan without attempt followed by much less serious plans scattered over several years?

[Victoria'smom]

We generally try to keep those precautions as a lifelong change.

[token451]

I've never had anyone really watch me with anything. I have given my sharps to friends and avoided my car for a while because I knew I might do something. It has always been a contingency plan for me in case anything went seriously wrong in life, never really been off of the table.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

The watching part was because for a while I was living alone and had access to several days of meds at a time. My meds were locked up and my therapist had the key to the box so every week I brought the locked box and my pill box to therapy and he monitored while I filled. It wasn't like he counted with me but he did make sure I didn't take any big handfuls of anything. That gradually relaxed until he didn't stay in the room with me but supervised loosely (knowing I'd never pull off the lie that taking too much would require since he always asked if I had enough or something). At home the pill boxes were kept in a combination-locked box so that I would be slowed down if I got impulsive.

For a while I couldn't even shave my legs and for a bit wasn't allowed into the tylenol aisle. I really hard to prove myself before the restrictions slowly reduced. It was hard and I hope never to go back there.

2 days. I was hospitalized and released 2 days later with a few Appts to keep after, then I stopped going and nothing. I saw people in the hospital who should not have been there and people in there who should have been kept. They really need to standardize things in the US. I don't know what the right answer for you is because maybe you need this. Just because they release someone, doesn't mean they are making the right decision. But I've also been held for 2 days when I do not feel they legally should have been able. I believe they broke the law and violated my rights. But another part of me knows it was for the best.

How does your current situation make you feel? What would make you feel better about your current situation?

My parents and treatment team are of the opinion that if they take away 1 method, I'll simply find another, so I've never really had restrictions. However after my last suicide attempt a little over 6 months ago, my pharmacy refuses to allow me more than 2 weeks of certain medications. They originally wanted to have me pick up my meds every day so that I'd never have more than a day's worth (they were even going to arrange that someone was there on Sundays! They are closed on Sundays) but my mother convinced them to give me 2 week's worth at a time.

I have been on weekly prescriptions since my first attempt 4 years ago. That is the main extent of my restrictions. For about a month I wasn't allowed to be left alone, but thankfully I got that stopped. Now if anyone from my treatment team feels I'm at risk I end up in hospital...my shortest admission being three days, the longest six weeks!

[junkDNA]

a month while inpatient

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I think it's hard to standardize because situations differ.

I feel like they are both being extremely careful and that I'm safe now but I also understand exactly why and honestly I'd rather be on precautions than to have to explain a plan again. I also know I've been very sick for a very long time and need to gradually return to independence (or the closest thing to it).

Some of your stories seem excessive (the limited refills especially although I can see the point it's just a LONG time) but I know everyone is individual.

My therapist made it very clear that nobody and no safety plan can stop me if I choose that option but then enough things are in place that I'd have to lie and really fool him which is very hard (I'm a terrible liar and he reads me well after 10 years).

I'm just surprised with the gabapentin restrictions considering how much Seroquel I have in the house (I was on patient assistance so got 3 months at a time and 1500 mg on a 90 day supply is a massive amount of Seroquel that I guess I can get rid of now. I've been holding on to be sure clozaril was working).

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

2 days. I was hospitalized and released 2 days later with a few Appts to keep after, then I stopped going and nothing. I saw people in the hospital who should not have been there and people in there who should have been kept. They really need to standardize things in the US. I don't know what the right answer for you is because maybe you need this. Just because they release someone, doesn't mean they are making the right decision. But I've also been held for 2 days when I do not feel they legally should have been able. I believe they broke the law and violated my rights. But another part of me knows it was for the best.

How does your current situation make you feel? What would make you feel better about your current situation?

[Nammu]

I've had access restricted, the most annoying was when I had to go in once a week to get prescriptions and then fill them. There were times though that they had me live in short term halfway houses where I had no access to meds-- like the hospital only I was free to do what I wanted between breakfast and supper. The longest period was about 1 yr and 9 months. But all the restrictions were in my home state of Minnesota.

here in Texas I've never heard of it happening unless the person lived with someone else who the system could put the responsibility on to. Mostly they ask if I have access to guns and then drop it. I've never been restricted in TX.

[Bipolarchic14]

Depends on the person

[MBM17]

3 weeks inpatient was my longest stay.

Outside the hospital, I regulate myself. Like Breadfish said, no one else can take away all options for suicide. I'd find another one.

I take myself to the hospital before I get to that actively suicidal place, because once I'm actively suicidal, no one is going to be able to stop me. And I keep myself in the hospital until I know I can be safe outside.

[jacky8807]

Yeah I never understood this nor "safety contracts" it's so easy to do if that is your true intent

[jacky8807]

Unless you are in the hospital of course

[BeyondtheRainbow]

For me it's because my therapist and pdoc know me very well and know that I am a terrible liar. So if they ask I'm not going to get away with not telling. On the other hand the deal used to be that if I felt suicidal I was to seek help immediately. I had always done so when I didn't and if I hadn't told at almost the last minute in the hospital what I had planned would have been fatal in all likelihood. And my doctors believe that an attempt would probably succeed just because I know enough to be dangerous and tend to be all or nothing about things. I kind of have a personality that they find risky. So they changed to I need to tell but also had to agree to more active monitoring so that I don't just hide something again.

It is true they can't be there for everything. This has been acknowledged and discussed a lot. My therapist told me the day after I left the hospital when all this started that he couldn't stop me from doing anything. But the plans we have in place are to slow me down and hopefully prevent an impulsive decision.

It's mainly just what my therapist and pdoc feel I need because they both know me well (therapist for 10 years, pdoc for 13). I trust them so I go with it. I just have moments of frustration that I barely even remember, like this one.

When I posted this in May I was just starting to feel better and felt like the circumstances of the last few years should be going away faster. In reality I know exactly why things are the way they are and I understand, except when I have in impatient moment, like in May.

[MBM17]

BeyondtheRainbow, you said that the original post here was when you were starting to feel better. You are feeling better now?

Has your system changed? Are you still having those restrictions you described in the original post here?

Also, I know what you mean about hiding things but that you'd be honest if they asked. I'm that way. If I'm thinking about suicide or considering plans, I don't usually tell people, but if they asked, I would answer honestly.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I was feeling better the last few months but dipped into depression in the last week. So far not so bad but not so good either. But I've also had a big week so I'm hoping some rest and quiet will help.

The only restrictions I have now are that my pdoc isn't going to give me unlimited access to things she feels aren't safe (I doubt that ever happens again) and while I haven't been through the questions list for a while I'm sure I will Monday when my therapist tries to judge how depressed I am. Most of the big restrictions ended about 2 years ago, they just make sure I know they monitor. Which is fine and actually good since the sooner they see it the better.

I think when I wrote this originally I was feeling tired of how ill I had been (I had a very serious and nasty 2 year episode that was just responding well to meds when I wrote that) and of reminders that I had been so unwell. And since every time I'm not doing well the ghost of 2011-2012 returns I was just tired of that. It's hard to know for sure now.

For the record the more strict limits did help me and I'd go back to doing that again if it ever became necessary. Even during this I voluntarily handed over something unsafe to my therapist who kept it for several months until I was doing better on the new meds. I just never saw myself as needing this kind of help I guess.