[CuriouslyCrazy]

Does anyone else not mention certain symptoms or flat out lie about symptoms to their pdoc? Bad? yes. probably.

I saw my pdoc today and basically did just those things. I should have mentioned that my energy has been increasing, my sleep has gone to ****, that I won’t take my prn to get some sleep because I don’t want to and don’t need it, I’ve been getting insanely irritable, I’m paranoid, spending money, amongst other things.

Thoughts raced through my head the entire time I sat in his office and my mouth wanted to purge out every last thought to him, but I bit my tongue the entire time. Literally. I highly, highly doubt that he actually knew what was up. And if he did, I don't recall him mentioning anything.
And so I spent the 15 minutes that I saw him trying to convince him that I’m doing amazing, that I have it all under control. And believe me, I achieved my 15 minutes of fame acting better than any actor. Golden globe nomination worthy.

Maybe I was trying to convince myself that I’ve got this under control. Because I crave control. I want to be in control all the time and without anyone’s help. Always have. I want to show everyone that I don’t need their help and that I’m perfectly fine. The joys of being an over-achieving perfectionist!

And now it’s after 4am and I’m not sure whether I love or hate how I’m feeling. I am absolutely not depressed. And I am not manic. I’m just bursting with energy and thoughts and I feel like my seams are ripping apart, not able to contain it any longer. But I’m also feeling amazing, so maybe I didn’t technically lie.

Stupid me. I KNOW that I should be honest to my pdoc because he’s of no use otherwise.

I don’t even know what the point of this thread is anymore.
And I know my grammar and punctuation are absolutely atrocious in this thread. Please excuse me for that.

I think I’ll just erase bipolar from my dictionary.
At least I have the sunrise to look forward to once again

Thanks for your post! It actually put a smile on my face

I'm not a doctor but you actually sound a bit hypomanic to me?

How well does your pdoc know you? How long have you been with him?

It is probably not wise to lie or hide symptoms from your doctor. But they are trained and should be good observers. What was the conclusion of the visit?

I have been with my pdoc for seven years and she told me that me describing my symptoms is just secondary to her observations. I see her for an hour per visit.

I hope you are ok...

[MBM17]

It sounds like you are aware that you're getting more hypomanic.
It also sounds like you know you ought to have told your pdoc the truth?
Are you going to contact him?