My daughter

My daughter has had all kinds of problems all of her life, and my son mentioned that maybe she is bipolar. After reading some on it, she really fits almost all catagories. Why didn't we see this before. She is 41 years old, and going to college, doing well, but really has problems getting along with people. If everything goes her way, o.k., but watch out if you cross her. She has really messed up her own oldest son, who will not talk to her right now at all. He is 20. Then, the two stepsons are really messed up, and they have a 6 year old now, who is very smart, but becoming a bundle of nerves because of her agitation. I see another troubled grandchild coming along if she doesn't get under control. She gets angry with anyone at the drop of a hat. At any given time, she can be angry with her mother in law, brother in law, her kids, me, her Dad, her husband, etc. Money has always been an issue, but she has never held down a job long enough to really help out. Wants money from us, but we are not going to give it this time. She is very angry with us because the 20 year old grandson came to visit us last week. We had him here in our home more than 1/3 of his life, and bought most of his school clothing, coats, shoes, boots, and school supplies throughout his school years. She is angry with her husband right now also, because she wants a new car, she wants to move and sell their home, and live closer to us, but hubby would be so far from his job, a long way to drive, and only one income right now. He is doing the best he can, and we often wonder why he doesn't just give up and tell her to leave. She really can make all of us miserable at the same time. Help!!

Wow! I'm glad you were able to vent...

Sounds like you have a lot bottled up regarding your daughter...

I think first we need to strip away the word bipolar for now...There seems to be a theme in your post about how she has messed up everyone around her...you mention step son's...so either hubby is on marriage two or both? This produces a great strain on family dynamics...children involved may resent parents...

There is a lot in your post...I think before we point the figure just at your daughter...you consider a 360 evaluation of each person involved in this...

I said we would get back to it...regarding bipolar...it will be up to your daughter to seek help...no one can force her...so I would suggest you learn some more about BP and how someone can be there for that person...

More later...

I understand what you are saying. She throws a fit, and everyone jumps to calm the lion. I am guilty! This year, school is going to start without Nan and Papaw buying school clothes for the youngest, and supplies. I have already decided that with hubbys help. We have worked hard all our lives, sometimes two jobs, and it is our turn. We are downsizing our small farm, and selling off things that make us extra work. We are going on a short vacation with my sister and her husband the week school starts, and that will be just what we need. Daughter is getting very good grades in college right now, and there is no reason she can't work part time, at least. Thank You for your input. It puts the mind to thinking better, and more clearly. If you have more input, I am happy to get it.

Have you looked at the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, rather than bipolar? It gets a little tiresome when people immediately attribute any bad temper issues, fits, tantrums or selfish behavior to bipolar disorder. Many of us are far less reactive than that, unless we're in the midst of an episode or crisis. If the problem is constant, it's at least as likely to be a personality disorder, especially if there's no family history of BD.

I will look into it. Thank You Very Much!!

Hello CJ,

I want to point out that irregardless of what diagnosis your daughter might have, your family may want to consider coming together to stand as one in demanding that your daughter seek professional help.

As long as all of you let her get by with her disruptive behavior and anger, she will continue to do it.

Perhaps all of you could meet and, standing as one, confront her and demand she gets help. Also, please stay in your grandchildren's lives and let them know they are loved. It sounds like you have been the most stable person in their lives and that is so important.

I wish you the very best,

January

I will always be there for my grandkids! I love them very much. I know that you are right, and we will do the best we can. I don't want her to ruin another child. Thanks!

Dear CJR.........
Did it ever occur to you that your daughter might feel like the icons above you see here???? She does not know what she's doing, I assure you. I didn't!! I was the biggest
HAIR-BALL in the world, according to my oldest daughter.
She and her husband kept telling my husband that something was clearly wrong with me. It wasn't simple "change of life" I was going through. I had all the symptoms she's experiencing and more. I was very depressed and locked myself in my room with the curtain shut and the door shut for days on end. I knew something was terribly wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it either. I do not have a mother or father any more that I can turn to, as they are both deceased. I wish I did. They wouldn't understand anyway, since my mother always denied any kind of major psychiatric problems. Oh well.................she may be trying to REACH out the only way she knows how.
She needs your love and guidance right now. You can do what they do on the show Intervention?, and it might work for you, but bear in mind that you do LOVE her too, not just your grandkids. She's feeling desperately ALONE.....I can vouch for that.................I made myself go with the help of my family dr. I wanted a diagnosis...........I was going crazy. I couldn't deal with my disorder alone. Once I went and got the right medication(s), things started to perk up. I felt human again and my actions improved too. Please help her help herself.

I love you drummergrl!!!
Cr,
Your daughter sounds a lot like me, although I tied to be "nicer" because I was whipped so much as a child when i wasn't. I'm not sure if demanding she get help is the answer. That may push her further away. I think that sitting down with her, maybe giving her a biploar checklist( they're in most biploar books, there may even be one on this site) When I do a checklist, there is no way I can deny being bipolar. Then let her know that you are there for her and will go to the psychiatrist with her (no regular doc).
I agree that you should set limits for your own life, but she's an adult and what happens is essentially up to her.
I know that my mom would have helpped me if she was still alive. I'm a mother of a child who committed suicide, he was 20. So I tell other parents, never give up reaching out to your kids. Let then know that they are loved. Try not to act judgemental(even when you are), And let them know that you would help them when they are ready for help. My son went from a gangbanger to a college student holding down two jobs. But I believe that he was undiagnosed bipolar, and with my history, most psych agree. From his letter, he died knowing that I loved him and in his words, "that I had done my best."
I said a prayer for you and your daughter,
dorsey

Hey Dorse!
I thank you humbly for that comment. My daughter? Well,
she once said to me that maybe she could use a little pick me upper? I told her she'd feel so much better if she understood what being bi-polar is. I don't know that she is,
mind you, but to me that's what it looks like. So, only time will tell if she wants the quality of her life to improve. She doesn't have to suffer!!! But they have to find out on their own.
I am truly sorry about your boy. It's so sad to think we do not have any other way out, sometimes. But when you're that far gone, it doesn't matter to you anyway. You aren't thinking clear, and you don't think about what you're leaving behind for others to deal with.

Your daughter may be an adult, but she's probably got the mind of a child right now. That's the way she's handling things. Ya know, temper tantrums, bad moods, pouting, shouting, and getting mad without reason???? Much like you see a child do. I know.......I ARE ONE!!!! lol....................
hahahahha seriously, that's the way I act too. Hmmm, I don't think there's a pill for that, though. Who wants to be grown up?...............that really "bites"!!!!

I just talked to my grandson, who my daughter has not said a kind word to, in over a year. He started to cry and told me what happened to him and his step brothers at home; the rages and mood swings, and how terrible it was living in that house. When my daughter would do wrong to my grandson, she would then later on make our son in law apologize as if he had done the wrong. She wouldn't work, but expected our grandson to work two part time jobs his senior year, and also take a college course. No wonder the poor kid left home. He will be 21 in November and is crying telling me this. I don't feel so bad at all now, that she won't talk to me. She really needs to seek help and we can't do it for her. We have been 30 some years picking up the pieces she leaves behind.

Hi CJR:
I understand that, believe me, I know! I went thru that as a
young child myself. I have memories stored up for a lifetime and still play those tapes now and then. Ok, mostly
now. But, ALL the more reason for you and the family to take a firm stand and INTERVENE on her behalf to get her to seek help before she ruins every relationship she has.
My mother wouldn't do it, and eventually NONE of her kids
would come back. Even me. Now after her suicide, I'm only too sorry I wasn't forgiving. I will never know the whys or how to's that made her crazy. Now I'm there and my own two kids sometimes don't come around me. I have made peace with my youngest child, but my eldest and I are like two fuses in a stick of dynamite each playing "can you top this"???? Two trains on a ONE-WAY trak and no going back!!! It gets pretty intense sometimes. I think it's because she sends me backsliding into the parent/child thing, whereas I become the child and she's the parent. We
butt heads as soon as we hit the floor. Sadly, we've never been able to resolve our issues with one and other. I keep
praying that God will bring us together soon and we then become friends, or civil to each other.

Thanks for posting. I wish you luck with her cjr, and if you need to, pm me and we can chat alone.