Bipolar Symptom or Relationship Symptom?

I entered a relationship with my ex-fiance again after a 2.5 year break. We were together originally for about 8 years until our split. We've been having fun going on dates and rebuilding our relationship again (now back together for a little over a month), but over the past couple weeks, my depression returned. It hit me pretty hard, and now I feel I need time by myself and feel overwhelmed keeping up with spending time with him. Lately we see each other 2-3 times per week. I want to see him, but I also want to keep some distance, and I'm trying to hold it together at my job...so I do not have much time to myself.

I try to set boundaries, but he hardly takes no for an answer. For instance, on the phone I suggested we meet up after work for dinner so we can see each other, then I can go home and go to work the next day. He wanted me to stay over and go to work from his house and seemed offended that I just wanted to go home after. It seems he tries to encourage me by continually saying, "Just come over. You'll be fine," he kept saying, so I gave in.

I'm feeling in over my head. It is hard to sort out my feelings: whether it's fear of commitment or the fact that I sense I'm in the beginning of a depressive episode. Probably a combination of both....I have been depressed. I keep trying to make the effort in our relationship in hopes that maybe I'll get more comfortable as time goes on and that when the depression clears, I'll feel like spending more time with him. I feel he takes it personally when I try to explain things to him. He says he hopes I feel better, but I feel he pushes for more.I don't mean to be selfish....I just don't feel like doing much lately, and I'm trying to make it through day by day, but it's getting so hard. I even told him I've been feeling sick lately and physically run down, but I worry that he thinks I'm using this as an excuse when it's true.

We did have a small fight the other day about something unrelated since he took his anger out on me when he was feeling stress, but we made up, and I made it known that I would leave him if he continued to be controlling. However, even before the fight, I feel like I need space while still hoping to see where it goes since I still love him. Have you been in a situation where you feel pressure from your partner when depressed? I don't want to break things off or jeopardize our relationship, because I'm afraid that when I come out of this episode, I'll regret my decision.

It sounds like you need to explain to him, maybe AGAIN....that you need space and time alone when You are depressed. If he does not respect you then I would leave him.
just my opinion.
bizi

Have you talked to him about your depression? Is he understanding? From what you described I'd say you're having BP symptoms and his actions can irritate it at times. Take a few days to be alone and rest. Are you on meds for your BP? Maybe you should contact your pdoc for a med change.

I am on medication, but I have an appointment on Sept 30 (can't get in sooner...the pdoc is on vacation), so trying to make it through until then. I am on 200 mg Lamictal, 200 mg Seroquel, and 0.5 mg Klonopin. I don't feel it's doing enough to stabilize my moods and feel a med change is needed. I definitely have to be clear and assertive with my pdoc, especially since sometimes English being her second language could interfere with her understanding me. She usually isn't a fan of med changes unless I'm practically ready for hospitalization, but I'm approaching that point. I'm contemplating getting another pdoc if she does not make some changes, but that's another issue....

As far as my boyfriend goes, I would think he would be understanding about depression because he had an episode before where he pushed me away completely a few years back. He tries to be understanding, but sometimes he'll just tell me to "calm down" and does not fully hear me. This is his way of trying to comfort me, and he means well, but it does not help me. I do think I need more time alone, and he will have to understand that. I tend to worry too much about others all the time and what they think of me, so I push myself too hard.