[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I don't know quite how to explain how I'm feeling - it's like I'm agitated and on edge, because physiologically I should be depressed right now. I'm working really hard to exercise, get regular sleep, and take what I have found helpful to stave off depression. I feel like that's working to keep the emotional side of depression at bay, but the rest of me is still struggling with depression. Does that make sense? I want to curl up and sleep, can't get/stay motivated, have no creativity, and don't really want to see/talk to anyone. I'm hyper sensitive to external stimuli (light, sound, movement). But I don't have the soul-crushing sadness and hopelessness that normally accompanies depression, and I don't have any suicidal ideation (well, just one really quick, passing thought, but not fixating or recurring).

I am feeling highly agitated and out of whack - it's like I'm uncomfortable because I don't really know what's going on. I'm getting differing feedback from my body, mind and emotions.

All this just makes me feel like I'm depressed, but it's not aligning with my emotional state. Does that make sense? Has anyone else experienced this sort of feeling?

Just curious what you all think of this...

[MobiusPsyche]

This makes complete sense to me. When my depression first started getting better, I felt like this. Not sad any longer but not able to function, either. The same anhedonia, social isolation, slowed reflexes, etc. as when I had severe depression. When this first started happening, I was highly anxious and really would almost rather have the sadness and hopelessness because it was familiar. With not feeling much of anything, I felt anxious and on edge and like something even worse than depression was coming next.

It could be that you're getting better and just need to be patient. Or it could be, like me, you have a partial response to antidepressant medications and it might stay this way for quite a while.

I found that I just needed to accept it for what it was and be grateful for the small improvements. Over analyzing what it meant and worrying about it didn't help. And eventually, like after a couple of months, I was able to experience this and not get anxious about it.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

When this first started happening, I was highly anxious and really would almost rather have the sadness and hopelessness because it was familiar. With not feeling much of anything, I felt anxious and on edge and like something even worse than depression was coming next.

This might be the crux of it for me - this is really unfamiliar, and I'm not good with that in general. At least the full depression is familiar and known - I know how to get through it, and I know what to expect. I feel like I've sort of lost my mooring for the time being. It's really unnerving.

If this represents a transitional stage as was suggested, then celebrations are in order. You're getting better. Depression doesn't have to be your normal. For lack of a better word, congratulations. Baruch Hashem.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Hmmm...except that I haven't been depressed before feeling like this...

I wish you the best. A new feeling doesn't necessarily indicate a negative outcome. I hope it's not too uncomfortable, and is taking you in a good direction.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

I wish you the best. A new feeling doesn't necessarily indicate a negative outcome. I hope it's not too uncomfortable, and is taking you in a good direction.

Good perspective, Lefty - I do have a tendency to 'awfulize' things when I'm uncomfortable or anxious. Not being familiar with this feeling is very uncomfortable for me, which is generally a trigger for me to think of potential negative things that might happen. I should focus on the fact that, despite all the physiological signs pointing to depression, my emotions aren't tanking right this minute. Who knows what might lurk around the corner...it could be positive after all, I suppose.