Why do you think so?

jpb4815 · Sep 21, 2016, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gina_re

I'm sure many of us have had SI/plans/attempts, etc. But if you're reading this, you did not succeed in your plan. There is a reason for that. And I'm happy that is the case, because this forum wouldn't be the same without you. The reason for this thread is that I was sitting here eating my lunch pondering life for a moment and how my life was in the past. I was at a really dark place in my life and was just done. I mean I just did not care. But then my sister tells me that she's pregnant. I was going to have a nephew! It was a blessing in disguise. I felt like I had a purpose. Someone to live for. Someone that may look up to me. So I stayed. Trust me, there have been times since then that I wanted to go, but hearing him say Auntie to me in his little squeaky voice....I just can't.
Thankfully, you're still here. Why do you think that is the case?

and I apologize if this is a repeat of any recent thread. I honestly haven't been super active here as my meds are being adjusted

Possible trigger:

I had a psycotic delusion last winter and decided the only way to make it stop was to eat 25 percocet and about 90 Klonopin. I was done, just wanted to sleep and not wake up. I swear within a minute of swallowing everything my son woke up to go to the bathroom. Seeing him made me induce vomiting and call 911. I still to this day cannot believe I went to such a dark place that I would forget or just not care about my children. Happy every day of my life that hey are around.

.

Hopefully not TMI take it down if need be. But that's why I am still here.

BastetsMuse · Sep 21, 2016, 10:00 AM

Sometimes the only thing that keeps me here is my dog - who would care for her? I figure the humans would recover, but not my dog.....that was how I was thinking the last time I had suicidal ideation.

gina_re · Sep 21, 2016, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpb4815

Possible trigger:

I had a psycotic delusion last winter and decided the only way to make it stop was to eat 25 percocet and about 90 Klonopin. I was done, just wanted to sleep and not wake up. I swear within a minute of swallowing everything my son woke up to go to the bathroom. Seeing him made me induce vomiting and call 911. I still to this day cannot believe I went to such a dark place that I would forget or just not care about my children. Happy every day of my life that hey are around.

.

Hopefully not TMI take it down if need be. But that's why I am still here.

I had the same want to go to sleep feeling and I still can't tell you everything I took. I somehow woke up and dialed 911 the next morning. After they got to my house....that's all I remember.

Sep 21, 2016, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gina_re

I know we don't know each other personally, but I would like better for you. I know you suffer greatly. As far as God wanting something better for me, I can't believe that either. TBH I don't think he exists. But you're still here, and we're all happy for that.

if he does exist, i'd like to know where he was in my life when i needed him most

I can't say he exists, or I can't say he does not, i've no proof either way. I think it would be nice to believe in a higher power, but..

thanks for your post!

OctobersBlackRose · Sep 21, 2016, 03:36 PM

I attempted cause with my Grandpa having been so sick I had it in my mind that I wanted to go before he did, I couldn't at the time imagine my life without him, well needless to say I'm still here and he's not. I stay for my family particularly my parents and Grandma, and my cat, idk if anyone would want him, and I wouldn't want him back at the shelter or re-homed. There are still days where I feel like I was a big mistake and I'd be better off gone, and so would everyone else. I don't really believe in any Gods, so I can't say anything about that, I am spiritual and believe I am afterlife, and reincarnation, but that's about it, my higher power is the universe (at least you can see it), sorry about turning this into a post about my beliefs, but sighs idk if I see a greater plan for myself, or what, but I plan to stay, I have people I don't want to leave behind...

gina_re · Sep 21, 2016, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

I attempted cause with my Grandpa having been so sick I had it in my mind that I wanted to go before he did, I couldn't at the time imagine my life without him, well needless to say I'm still here and he's not. I stay for my family particularly my parents and Grandma, and my cat, idk if anyone would want him, and I wouldn't want him back at the shelter or re-homed. There are still days where I feel like I was a big mistake and I'd be better off gone, and so would everyone else. I don't really believe in any Gods, so I can't say anything about that, I am spiritual and believe I am afterlife, and reincarnation, but that's about it, my higher power is the universe (at least you can see it), sorry about turning this into a post about my beliefs, but sighs idk if I see a greater plan for myself, or what, but I plan to stay, I have people I don't want to leave behind...

It's cool, I'm a Buddhist and understand the whole afterlife and universe beliefs. No need for apologies.

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