Can you laugh at your BP behaviors?

I'm a really silly person so I'm always joking around. My pdoc NEVER laughs. I don't like him very much (for this reason and a lot of others too haha).
It took my therapist awhile, because my humor is often self-deprecating -- it worried her or made her sad until she realized I'm joking and I think it's funny. Once we bonded enough for her to figure that out she laughed at my jokes.

No I can't. I'm so ashamed

at the time, I just end up getting annoyed.

like, why on earth did I do that?

or, oh my god, I actually did that?. now it's ruined!.

but yes!. later on i can laugh at some of them- to think this or that happened at such a time... lol

My pdoc one time said that he always waits for me to visit cause I always make him laugh. I should have charged him instead of paying him! My sister said I should be a dubber for cartoon movies as I can make various funny voices But of course this ability only appears when I am manic. I am a nightmare for everyone when I am depressed.

I have a twisted, gallows, macabre and morbid sense of humor. Some people get my jokes and comments, and it cracks them up. Others just give me a Bert stare. To which I usually reply "well that was a waste of good sick humor". I mean, you know, it takes a while to recharge the humor batteries after a discharge... kind of like an electric eel. My mdoc just shakes his head, not judgmentally but more like My tdoc always laughed. My pdoc didn't get my sense of humor at all, so I stopped using it with him.

I can laugh about some of it. Other things I remember and I just want to go hide.

Agreed 100%.

Yes and no....I do things like get piecing, tattoos, shopping and put myself in danger and a high chance prison. Back in 2012 my mania before being diagnosed and any meds ...I was the life of the party. I just wanted to hang out and chill with people but I was wreckless in choosing the people. I would hang the people I just met that day. We would go to clubs and dance then go out to eat. I even let one come to my house and hang out lol. I could have been killed. There was no sex involved. I had a friend and he knew nothing abt this. I had times when I would just loose it. My temper was so short. I would drive wreckless. I've drove cars off the road. I went to a house party one night and almost got raped. That's when I knew something was wrong with me and the antidepressant was making me worse. I went for a second opinion and learned I had bp1 and I was going through mania. In 2013 I had violent mania too. I was homicidal towards family members and was hospitalized for it. I tried to hit a man in traffic with a baseball bat for honking his horn at me. I was on meds at the time but had recently tapered off lithium. After three months of this behavior it was concluded my body just must have lithium. I was put on other meds and they just would not calm my mania. Once I started back on lithium and it was in my system good I settled down pretty good. I have challenging days but not like before. I just wish the shopping would go away. I don't do funny stuff like buy thirty wigs. I buy expensive purse and jewelry I feel horrible a few days later bc I might not have enough money for the rest of the month. But I'm too embarrassed to take the stuff back. I did do good this past weekend. My mom called and told me abt a sale on a designer purse. I went to the website and looked at the prices. I seen two that I liked then I sat and thought real hard of the bills I had. I got off the website and got on here. So no I cannot say I get the pleasure of laughing at myself. I wish I did do things that were later funny.

[quote=bluebicycle;5295411]I bet you're all a funny bunch, so I ask: Have you ever attempted to make your pdoc or therapist smile or laugh? And can you laugh at your own BP behaviors (e.g., the silly or ridiculous things you've done)?

My depressive thoughts are like an old friend. They don't even register anymore. I'm just like, "Kill myself....oh it's you. How are you doing. I haven't seen you in awhile."

hamster20017

Only when manic. Then its all funny. Rereading my blog isn't funny but it is interesting.

Some days I easily can....and other times I don't feel like I can face another day after the things I've done.

Have you ever been manic and drunk? I was and I told my boss exactly what I thought about him, laughing all the time while I did so.