I don't know if I want her here

(Because this is what I used to do)

I'd really recommend getting home health in for a while to help your family know what to do to best help her and how to keep her safe as well as just monitoring her condition as she settles. They can also help with the transition for her; she will probably be very confused by the change. With Medicare it is covered 100% and she may be able to get some therapy if needed as well. It just takes a script from a doctor.

There is a company called Amedisys and they are about a million times better than any other home health company I encountered (with the caveat that there have been some changes since I left there 5 years ago). Very, very patient oriented.

No way, boss. You have a serious debilitating condition of your own to manage, and the stress of dealing with grandma, who really sounds like she needs constant professional supervision, could be a trigger factory. Hard realities demand that you vote no. I'm Lefty the Salesman and I approve this message.

Nope ! I doubt your parents will be able to handle it for long.

I have worked medical all my life and spent 5 years working with dementia patients , sometimes it was a joy when they had a lucid moments but they quickly disappeared. I do believe that all patients have moments of self awareness and that is why I was always kind even when they literally was attacking me.

But I knew my 12 hour shift would end and I could go home and regroup to come back for another 12 hour round.

There comes a point in a persons level of dementia that a person needs to be in a safe setting with people trained as I was to handle the absolute roller coaster of a day in the life of a dementia patient .

((( hugs )))

This reminds me of my grandma. To this day we don't know what her problem was, but after my grandfather passed, we moved her close to us. My other grandma lived with us and my parents wanted to move her in with us as well. They would have had to share the in law. However, my grandma refused and we moved her into a nursing home. She died 3 years later unexpectedly. We think someone at the home messed up her meds. Anyway, it was the best thing for her, she was around people like her and made some good friends. My father and I would bring my dog in and all the elderly people came to pet her. She wasn't the tyrant that she was at home, she was just plain mean to my grandpa. She was truly a different person being in there. It sounds like your grandma could really benefit from being in a home. Maybe she will feel safe and stop all the defense mechanisms that she has been using.

Your student loan payments can be renegotiated, deferred, forbearance, etc., unless you are choosing to pay that much to pay them off quicker. About your parents decision to keep grandma at home, most people are not equipped to care for a family member with advanced dementia. There are wonderful memory care centers with skilled staff that can provide the care she needs, and your family can visit often.

If your parents choose to keep her at home, and it is negatively affecting your mental health and sense of safety, I am sure you can and will work out a plan for finding your own place to live. You could look for roommate opportunities, talk to the car finance company about a financial hardship situation- they let me take a few months off paying and added those payments at the end of my note. The student loan company has offered me a forbearance a couple times allowing me to take a year off from paying due to financial hardship. You will find a way.

Thanks for the responses, guys! I'll look into memory care center and BeyondTheRainbow's caregiver company suggestion.

But for now, I do have an update...

My parents are very anti-MI, as some of you know. And right now, they're refusing to take her to a psychiatric hospital and refusing to let her see a psychiatrist. They're afraid she's going to be taken away and put in a nursing home, especially a nursing home they don't like. (Originally they were fine with the idea of a nursing home, but now they're not.)

I wish for once they would stop and think about what they're doing. They're doing her more harm than good. It's very sad the way she is unintentionally being treated. She needs medication at the very least, but at this rate, she won't be getting any.

I think a nursing home is the only option because she kept threatening to leave and live with her mother. She keeps trying to escape, and she's becoming increasingly violent, attacking pretty much everyone in her path. Her moods are so unpredictable, and she pretty much forgets who most people are.

As I mentioned before, you need to 'shop around' and see what best fits her needs and the insurance issue which I know is of concern as well.