Hi, everyone. I wonder if I am different from other bipolars in this way, or if some of you are the same about movies? Even when I was very small, I did not want to go with other girls to "movie parties" unless I knew what movie they were going to see. But my mother made me go anyway, because she said if I didn't I would not have friends. (I had plenty of other friends who were not in the movie-party crowd.)

Adult friends just CANNOT SEEM TO ACCEPT that I will not sit through a movie or video if I don't like it. I guess they think it's rude of me to leave them sitting there to go read or embroider in the theater lobby, or to turn off the video if it's at my place, and offer the friend I'm watching it with to take it home and watch it without me.

Movies and videos really "suck me in," which I like! Good ones do, and so do bad ones. ("Bad" meaning bad for me -- obviously other people like the movies I don't like -- it is a matter of taste, after all...) So obviously I won't accept bad movies.

Anybody else like this? I am so tired of feeling demeaned or misunderstood about this issue. It's been a problem for my whole life, and too many times in the past, I succumbed to pressure and stuck around in a movie, feeling stifled, oppressed, and trapped.

[Espurr1989]

I never think about just leaving the movie or turning it off when I'm with friends. I guess for me, times like this are more about the people I'm with than the movie I'm watching. I will bring my 3DS, some knitting, or a coloring book along though if I'm not in a movie theater. 9 times out of 10, no one minds that I do this.

But now that you mention it, I have no idea why society as whole might have a problem with someone not feeling like finishing a movie. It would be stupid to continue to waste one's time with something they are obviously not enjoying. However, I have definitely sensed that this is an obligation, so I'm pretty sure it's an actual thing.

The only thing I can think of that might help is to only agree to watch movies with people you know won't mind if you don't finish the movie. Or find something else you enjoy doing while the other person continues watching. (Unless the movie is triggering for you since it probably won't help in that situation).

[mindwrench]

I have not watched a movie start to finish in awhile. I know what you mean about other people thinking it is a 2+ hour obligation if I am there when the movie starts, and to them it is like me taking off work early if I don't finish the show. I have to really like something to watch it all. It's why I always tell my family to watch what they want to watch because I will quietly slip away while they are watching it.

Dear Espurr and Mindwrench, Thanks for your input. I do tell people what both of you suggested, namely in my words, that I hope they realize that I am not judging them if they want to continue to watch the movie without me, but that if I do not like a movie, I will go sit in the lobby and read or embroider. Or like I said before of what I'll do if it's a video. It helps that both of you have confirmed what I have experienced, that society considers it a 2 hour obligation on my part if I go to a movie with someone! Espurr, you are fortunate that you consider going to a movie to be largely to share time with friends. I've never been like that. I share time with friends in other ways, EXCEPT sometimes one or more than one person and I will go to a movie we all want to see together. But just "going to the movies" without knowing a lot about the movie we are going to see, is not something I can do. I do continue to ask if anyone at the forum is as intensely involved with a movie or video as I am. The moving picture and sound swallows me up, and as I said, I like that if I like the movie, but if I don't like the movie, it drives me over the edge almost.

I've walked out of movies after five minutes or less. If it's ultra-violent or whatever, i just can't stand it. It's getting so bad i can't tolerate the pre-show. The loudness and flashing images annoy me. I try only to see shows at this discount theater with no pre-show. I usually see movies alone tho. Once i was with a group and ditched the movie pronto tho. I just sat in the lobby and played Scrabble. I didn't care what they thought.

[BastetsMuse]

I avoid bad movies, especially the ones with triggers for me. I think it's safe and sane to do so.

[Unrigged64072835]

I can't watch movies now, but I've walked out of ones that were triggering before. I'm not going to be highly uncomfortable for a group of people.

I can't say I relate 100% but I do a little. I only go to the movies every 2-3 years. When people would ask me to go to the movies I'd say "I don't want to go sit in a huge dark room with a bunch of strangers!" You can probably imagine the strange looks I got. But people at least pretended to respect my wishes and didn't try and force the issue. It's very rare I can sit through an entire movie, so I listen to my music through earbuds....I draw, crochet, research stuff on my phone and just sit there with them while they watch. If something I'm watching is triggering for me, we turn it off. My family often notices I'm being triggered before I do and they are the ines to voluntarily turn it off. I don't think you are obligated to sit through something that makes you feel bad and screw anyone who thinks otherwise. There are many things in life we MUST do regardless of how it makes us feel....watching a movie should never to counted amongst the MUST DO's.

[mindwrench]

Oops, I guess I didn't read the original post properly. My reply was about watching movies at home. There is no way I will set foot in an actual movie theater no matter the movie, or who is going. Like others here mentioned, dark room, strangers all around me, and expecting to stay calm for 2 hours, nope not going there. I would feel trapped just entering the lobby of the place.

Thank you, Fharraige, apfel, and BastetsMuse!
Your posts are so empowering for me! Thank you thank you. I printed them out to show my boyfriend, who just "doesn't get it." He's a great boyfriend except for this issue, which, every time we see a video, we get into a discussion which makes me very uncomfortable. Yesterday we did, and he just could not grasp that the best thing for us to do is choose a video TOGETHER. He wanted to go to the video store, choose a movie himself, and hope I like it! We went on and on and he still didn't get my concept. But today he decided to "just see one of the videos you have." Well, okay, but maybe if he reads your comments he'll get it finally.

Does anybody recall feeling the way I did, as a child -- wanting to know what movie we'd be seeing at a movie party, or not wanting to go? And being very, very uncomfortable and trapped when I did unwillingly go to the movie party?