[mossanimal]

So after about a three week period of feeling the best I've felt in years... It broke down to hard depression with lots of suicidal thinking (no real trigger... just a spontaneous change in mood one morning). I didn't make any real plans for an attempt.. just thinking about it a lot. I've been in that state for a few weeks.. and this weekend my family was visiting the in-laws and I started feeling self-destructive. I felt like I wanted to go crazy and do something destructive. So I started drinking.. something I never really do heavily by myself outside of social settings. I've never had a drinking problem... well maybe I did in college. Anyway... I had four beers and a few bottles of wine and apparently I started ripping pictures off the wall, breaking chairs, things pulled out of the fridge, undecipherable text messages to friends... I even took pictures of the mess and sent it to them. I don't remember most of this... other than one vague memory of breaking a picture frame in the bathroom. I don't feel like I had enough to drink to not remember all of this. Anyway... There hasn't been a lot going on lately other than my depression and typical minor squabbles with wife. In fact... I recently got listed in the top five in the world for my work in Scottish historical bladesmithing and am kicking *** on the most difficult sword project of my life. I'm going to see my psych tomorrow to figure this out. I'm on Zoloft (100mg) and Lamictal (200mg) and I have a feeling they will take me off the Zoloft.

All of what I just wrote was for this particular question.. which will be answered tomorrow.. but I'm impatient. It's been so long since I've not been on some sort of medication... adderall for 5 years before BP diagnosis. I feel like I should just try the Lamictal and nothing else? Does anybody else here do ONLY lamictal without supplementary stuff??

edit: WAY before medication or knowledge of BPD... I had a similar breakdown at a party. I lost it... in very much the same way. Nothing has happened like that since my first hospitalization a few months ago... and this past weekend.

I'm sorry this happened, it sounds very distressing. 2 bottles of Wine and 4 beers is a rather serious alcohol ingestion and I can't imagine what I might do with that much alcohol in my bloodstream.

I have lost it and destroyed things on 4 occasions (that's what I remember, it could be more). 1 time I had been drinking and the other 3 I had not. The worst destruction was when I lost it in the bathroom. I was sober and became hysterical (can't remember why). I took the back off the toilet and smashed it against the toilet and sink...it shattered and cut my hands up good. I then ripped off the seat and almost went for the shower door before someone came in and restrained me. I cannot understand it....don't know why.....it feels like it was someone else who do it.

I was prescribed Lamical as a stand alone medication when I was first diagnosed....so I know it's done. Good luck and hugs to you.