Feeling really lonely

I'm just scared of how she'll see me afterwards. And I don't want her constantly watching over me. I don't want it to ruin our relationship - we're really close. I don't fee like I'm losing touch with reality though.

If you are really close, she would want to know if you are suffering. If she were suffering as you are now, wouldn't you want her to talk to you about it so you could help?

Thanks for the support. I would surround myself with people, but I literally have no friends. If I were to go for a walk all it would do is make me anxious - I tend to have panic attacks when I leave the house. Plus no one is ever outside. Thank you again. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

That's true. I'm still scared of how she'll look at me and always be watching me.

She will watch you for awhile, ....and once you are better she will ease up in time. She will not look at you less favorably. Let your mom help you, she would want it no other way.

Thanks. I'll probably just text my mom instead of talking face to face. It'll be easier that way. I just hope she views me as crazy like my dad was. (He left before I was born. He had many issues and was very abusive)

Texting can be easier...that is a great idea.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. ((Hugs))

Yes I will text instead. While she's at work. I'm worried she'll think I'm turning into my dad.

And it's alright I just wish I had the chance to meet him. ((((Trigger warning)))) he killed himself before I had the chance of knowing him. He was known as a bad guy but I think I would have understood partially where he was coming from since we had the same disease. He only seemed help when my mom forced him to and then refused to take his meds.

You are not your dad so she won't worry you're turning into him.

Your story is heartbreaking. I can't imagine your loss. I wish you could have met him too (((hugs)))

I'm just worried she'll think that because we have the same symptoms.

Thank you for talking with me. It's made me calm down a bit. I don't usually tell strangers or even people I know about my dad.

I know that telling your immediate family can be the toughest sometimes because it will inevitably change the way they think of you for the rest of their lives. However, it's really no different an act than telling a close friend, or confidant or therapist even. You are who you are, to a large extent you didn't choose and can't control much of your illness. I gues I should say that none of us chose this really. Whether understanding is forthright or it takes awhile being honest with those that are in a position to help you is important.

I am sorry tot hear about your situation, I think that we all know what is is like to be fighting our own minds and how that can spiral into overwhelming helplessness. Just understand that whatever it takes for you to get help, you are worth it. All of us are here to help; we all lean on each other because so much of the outside world cannot or chooses not to be understanding about an illness that effects every part of our life and is different for every individual.

Hang in there. My thoughts are with you.

Yeah. I will tell my mom but not my step dad. He's too set in his ways and beliefs. He is the one to pick up my prescriptions so I think he has some understanding.

And yes, a lot of people here have helped. It's nice to have a support system. It's just hard since no one around me understands me.

Thank you for the comment and thoughts.

I just texted my mom some of the details. I'm so nervous for her response.

This is very good on your part.
thinking of you today.
bizi

Thank you. She hasn't replied yet. I'm hoping it's because she's busy and not because she doesn't know what to say.

I texted my mom and seemed pretty calm about it. She asked me what I see and hear and I told her. She asked if I had told my doctor and I told her to an extent. I was planning to say more this next appointment, whenever it may be. Overall I think it went pretty well. I asked her if she thought I was weird or scary to her but she said no.