No need to reply to this if you don't want to. I just wanted to let it out. Feel free to share your motivational struggles as well.

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When I'm depressed like I am right now, I have serious problems motivating myself to do anything. Not a surprise since a lot of us BP folk have "motivational difficulties" at some point or another. But this time -- this time is different.

I'm "supposed" to go to an invitation-only tech conference on Thursday, and it lasts all day. I say "supposed" because I'm not strictly required to go, but it is expected that I go. (To be brief, I was invited by a company that wants me to work for them, so that's kinda why I'm "supposed" to go. And if I do get hired, I'd get a 40% pay raise.)

Oddly enough, out of the blue today, one of my old friends had contacted me. (FYI, I have no friends because I stopped talking to everyone. I couldn't keep up with maintaining friendships.) She wants to meet with me on Thursday, the same day as the conference. I told her about the conference, and she was like, "Yeah, we can hang out afterwards!"

So really, I have TWO big reasons I should go to this dang conference, but $hit... I still can't find the motivation to go and I don't know why I don't want to go. I just don't... And I can feel this inner tension gradually heighten between the part of me that wants to go and the other part that doesn't want to go.

I think part of me finds an all-day conference very daunting and mentally draining. It's in the city, but I live just outside the city, and commuting into the city during rush hour is a royal pain in the @ss. I'd have to wake up early and leave early given the time of this conference. (For various reasons, public transportation isn't an option; I have to bring a car, which complicates matters.)

[Sad Mermaid]

I would take a sheet of paper, a pen or, if you have them, colored pencils, and draw the building in which the conference will be held, a parking lot nearby, your car in the parking lot, and traces of steps you would take to the conference. Then I would draw yourself, nicely dressed and sipping a drink, inside the building. Draw what the skies are likely to look like on Thursday (check the weather forecast for that) and draw an umbrella if you are going to need one. In the process of drawing, notice the thoughts that will pass through your mind, and maybe that will explain to you why you do not want to go.

That is just to satisfy your curiosity since you say that you don't know why you do not want to go. For motivation, select clothes - now; set an alarm on your phone for Thursday - now; plan what you will eat for breakfast on Thursday morning and go grocery shopping if you need to (plan to eat something you like; I would plan to eat lemon yogurt from Trader Joe's because it is my favorite convenient food).

If you were my student planning to take an exam, I would recommend that you set the alarm for tomorrow and Wednesday for the exact same time as on Thursday and eat breakfast promptly on both days. That would create the rhythm for you.

Since you have tension between parts, another idea is to separate a sheet of paper in two halves and quickly write down what the part that wants to go thinks on the L and what the part that does not want to go thinks on the R. Just very quickly, without belaboring it. that, too, might give you clues as to what is happening and why you experience the tension.

[Moose72]

In my case, sending in this paperwork is imperative, so I'm doing it. Hopefully, it will be in the mail tomorrow.

Do you HAVE to go to this conference? Maybe it won't be as bad as you're imagining. Do something nice for yourself like buy a coffee on the way. Make sure you eat breakfast so you feel good. You may not know how the day will go, but you can look forward to a Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks coffee. If you don't like coffee, maybe iced tea?

[xRavenx]

I can completely relate. Everything seems like a chore when I'm depressed. I've been in your shoes before where there's things expected of me, although not required, whether it's work-related or another obligation/invitation.Countless amounts of times I've ducked out of things. Sometimes I'll make excuses to get out of things. I do realize that depression is what interferes with following through. Even when manic, I'm flighty, so my motivation isn't on the "important" things.

You have very valid reasons to feeling the way you do. It sounds like a real pain to go to this conference. However, I do think of times I've forced myself to go to places, and it ended up not being that bad. Maybe that's something to think about when making a decision? Sometimes I give myself a little push when it comes to certain things. If you aren't feeling up to it though, then at least it isn't a requirement, making the situation less pressure than it would be otherwise.