Still a mystery...

In short, I can't find what is wrong with me actually, not even my pdoc. Plus, I doubt that this is symptom of BP2. I am have this heavy feeling on my head and weird pressured-sensation on my forehead(like a light squint) that goes on constantly throughout the day, everyday. The worst part is, I feel like my life is a complete dullness because my mind is blank most of the time and can't retrieve part of my memories because of this.

It may sound crazy but I know it is related because it began few months after I started taking Valproic(750mg) and Risperidone(10mg). At first I thought it was the side effect of the meds, but my pdoc told me it's my depression that is making me feel this way, the meds aren't working for me. I went off meds for 6 months, thinking the strange problem will be gone(ignoring my pdoc's diagnosis). But it didn't. I went to my pdoc again and started new meds thinking it is really due to my depression. Nop, didn't help at all even after 3 month on them. I kinda thing that it is the permanent side effect of valproic/resp but I really don't know... I guess I shouldn't have resorted to meds as I'm always been unlucky with its side effects.

You know the feeling you get when you are nostalgic, when you can feel the atmosphere, the smell, the special thing about something that when you are in that moment, brings you back in time. I can't feel it. Be it happy or sad. Eg. when I used to visit the houses that I lived, I could literately picture myself in the past moments and it gave me that amazing/bitter sweet feeling of all the things happened, all the great memories I had with my family.

I have songs that are the time capsule of my special life memories. Now, I have forgotten almost all of them and when I listen to the songs, I get zero nostalgia. It's like I'm hearing them for the first time. I don't get the "transdimensional" vibe of any songs I hear.
I also have problem socializing because my mind get totally blank and I forget all the things the other party shared with me, the moment we shared too.

Although I did not totally forgot the important memories of my life, it just that I have to force myself to think about it. It's not automatic and I lost the ecstasy feeling I used to get. And all this just makes me lifeless. Now it has gotten to a point where I cycling through "experience, delete, repeat." Moving through my life and not able to look back and feel all the memories that led me to this point, is extremely undesirable.

Other problems which are unlikely related: Feeling sleepy throughout the day, throbbing headache that goes away taking panadol, not being aware of my surrounding, getting overwhelmed easily etc.

I know it seems like depression to you guys, but the thing is, I can't feel it even when I'm hypomanic or in a normal state even though I want to really badly! Even during depression, I could feel my nostalgia immensely. The closest thing a doc ever diagnosed me with is migraine, but it didn't help either. I just don't know what's wrong with me, with my brain ugh!

Wish I knew a better way to explain to this very complicated and odd issue... Finding a solution for this is what I longing for. It's been 2 years with this problem.. I know it's a long shot but I was hoping to at least hear from someone who also experienced similar problem or knows anything about it. I will return to my pdoc, or maybe a new one, but I need to know the proper nature of this strange problem so that the pdoc can understand and treat it accordingly.

Have you gone to a neurologist?

Yes I did. I forgotten to mention that in my post. My neurologist diagnosed me with migraine. She requested me to get a MRI scan and the result turned out fine, thus the diagnosis. I tried amitriptyline and propranolol for few months but it only helped with my headaches, not this odd issue im facing.