[Gabyunbound]

Do you feel like you've lost (at least some) of your personality since taking meds, especially AP's? I felt like I was more myself when I was just prescribed Lamictal and a low dose of Klonopin some 10 years ago. But since I started taking AP's about 5 years ago, I feel like I've lost some of my personality. Granted, this is complicated by the increased anxiety that started some 8 years ago (which also changed my personality), but since AP's I've often felt I've had anhedonia (if that's the right word, basically zombie-like and without the passion and joie de vivre I had before).

Have any of you felt like you've lost your personality since taking meds? Do you even remember, at this point, what you were like before?

[Nammu]

The AP I'm on now is ok, it's the lamictal that's leached me away. I can't feel anything.

I have tried several antidepressants and mood stabilizers. One worked really well but then the psychotherapist incorrectly tapered it and now I am completely off all meds. Just don't trust anyone to prescribe anymore. Trying to do life without meds, but feeling depressed, so depressed. Exercise helps and so does this website where I experience connections without having to totally trust a person. Medications messed with my emotions and at one point I couldn't even laugh or cry when appropriate, not to mention the physical side effects with weight, etc. Wish they made a magic pill...

[Gabyunbound]

I wish there were that sweet spot where I could be stable (and take less meds, I feel like I'm taking too many) and be capable of crying and laughing more. Haven't found it yet. I'm going to talk to my pdoc about discontinuing the Abilify since I'm already taking an AP, even though now it's at a low dose. I want myself back. Maybe not all of me, but most of me. I'm not sure who am I am anymore. I've lost interest in things that I used to be passionate about. It's very demoralizing and make me sad...

[Fuzzybear]

For me, meds messed with my personality in all sorts of unexpected and unwanted ways
I'm now no longer taking most meds...

Meds have blunted my emotions which has effected my personality. Lithium was the worst for me. The confusion is that so do my moods. While significantly depressed, I am a shell of my former self and while manic I'm myself on steroids. It's a delicate balance to find meds to correct such a dilemma. I'm sorry you are suffering and hope you find what works for you.

[scatterbrained04]

Somewhat. I think the episodes themselves have changed my personality. Meds have just made me not as mentally sharp.

[Victoria'smom]

I lost my personality and can't blame the meds. I use to be outgoing, always out but now I'm stuck at home barely talk to anyone.

[Unrigged64072835]

I think between the episodes, some of the meds, and my other MI I've lost quite a bit of myself.

[Moose72]

Since going on wellbutrin I feel more myself!

I felt that way at first. And especially on Seroquel. It just made me feel zombiefied. Now on the meds I'm on I feel back to myself somewhat. I think the psychosis I went through really impacted my brain. But I still can cry and laugh etc. But I am bored easily. I used to read a lot, now I barely read. Idk how much is the meds and how much is the psychosis...

I hope you find what works for you.

[Gabyunbound]

Does anyone find it more difficult to laugh and cry specifically? I used to be able to do both: cry copiously and laugh big belly laughs. For way too long now, when stable, I've felt like in-between emotions; not one or the other, just -blah and zombiesque. Maybe it is the Seroquel and on lowering it I'll be better. I'd like to get rid of it completely, though.

When I asked my pdoc about anhedonia, he said we'll deal with it later. I think (I don't know others' experiences) pdocs can not take being a zombie seriously enough; they want us to be stable, period. Our old personalities be damned.

So anyone else have trouble laughing and crying?

I did on Seroquel. And that psych nurse wouldn't take me off it. Can you ask about another ap? I'm on 3 mgs of invega now and I have no side effects with it.

But yeah, on Seroquel I felt zombiefied...

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Tres-Aime

I have tried several antidepressants and mood stabilizers. One worked really well but then the psychotherapist incorrectly tapered it and now I am completely off all meds. Just don't trust anyone to prescribe anymore. Trying to do life without meds, but feeling depressed, so depressed. Exercise helps and so does this website where I experience connections without having to totally trust a person. Medications messed with my emotions and at one point I couldn't even laugh or cry when appropriate, not to mention the physical side effects with weight, etc. Wish they made a magic pill...

Wondering how long you were on medication, how long you have been off, and which do you prefer. I was unable to withstand the side effects of AD. I am on no medication. I have anxiety and depression. I seem to go from being more anxious, then to more depression. Right now I am more depressed than anxious, and I think I prefer the anxiety.

I have worked really hard at holistic stuff such as diet, sleep hygiene, exercise, meditation etc. It all helps a little but nothing helps a lot.

I wonder if it is the same with medication.

I was on/off benzodiazepines for decades...for anxiety. I feel the benzodiazepine really helped me. The problem is my pdoc won't prescribe them. I was assessed by a psychiatrist who won't prescribe them.

I have not had benzodiazepines (except sparingly for emergencies) in 3 or 4 years. Frankly, I think I functioned better when I had them because I could manage my anxiety.

I feel like everything is getting worse for me, and I don't know if it is the dark before the dawn. What is your experience?

[Gabyunbound]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Wondering how long you were on medication, how long you have been off, and which do you prefer. I was unable to withstand the side effects of AD. I am on no medication. I have anxiety and depression. I seem to go from being more anxious, then to more depression. Right now I am more depressed than anxious, and I think I prefer the anxiety.

I have worked really hard at holistic stuff such as diet, sleep hygiene, exercise, meditation etc. It all helps a little but nothing helps a lot.

I wonder if it is the same with medication.

I was on/off benzodiazepines for decades...for anxiety. I feel the benzodiazepine really helped me. The problem is my pdoc won't prescribe them. I was assessed by a psychiatrist who won't prescribe them.

I have not had benzodiazepines (except sparingly for emergencies) in 3 or 4 years. Frankly, I think I functioned better when I had them because I could manage my anxiety.

I feel like everything is getting worse for me, and I don't know if it is the dark before the dawn. What is your experience?

I've been on one medication or another for some 16 years.

I think for a lot of people, maybe most, medications aren't a magic bullet. There are still breakthrough depression, hypo/mania, anxiety -even when on meds. For me, mood-wise, I'm a lot better. But I feel like I was a lot better before AP's. Unless I'm just seeing the past with rose-colored glasses, I was more myself when I was just on Lamictal and Klonopin. I feel like as soon as I had a manic episode, I got on the AP-train and there's been no getting off. The main one I take -Seroquel- IS a magic pill when it comes to coming down from hypo/mania, but I have no way of knowing if it's truly preventing more episodes or if I wouldn't be having episodes anyway; it's that not-knowing that makes me want to stop it completely sometimes. But pdocs seem to shake in their boots when it comes to preventing hypo/mania and so will want patients to have to deal with any number of side effects in order to do that -or to APPARENTLY do that...

It would really suck for me not having benzo's --I'm sorry your pdoc won't prescribe them. Though I hear that once you're on them, you're kind of stuck because they're so hard to come off of.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Does anyone find it more difficult to laugh and cry specifically? I used to be able to do both: cry copiously and laugh big belly laughs. For way too long now, when stable, I've felt like in-between emotions; not one or the other, just -blah and zombiesque. Maybe it is the Seroquel and on lowering it I'll be better. I'd like to get rid of it completely, though.

When I asked my pdoc about anhedonia, he said we'll deal with it later. I think (I don't know others' experiences) pdocs can not take being a zombie seriously enough; they want us to be stable, period. Our old personalities be damned.

So anyone else have trouble laughing and crying?

This^

I blame the lamictal, my daughter had the same problem and quit the lamictal but continued the AP and got better. I'm considering quitting the lamictal too. Just somewhat nervous about messing with a cocktail that brought me to the first stability I've had in decades.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I've been on one medication or another for some 16 years.

I think for a lot of people, maybe most, medications aren't a magic bullet. There are still breakthrough depression, hypo/mania, anxiety -even when on meds. For me, mood-wise, I'm a lot better. But I feel like I was a lot better before AP's. Unless I'm just seeing the past with rose-colored glasses, I was more myself when I was just on Lamictal and Klonopin. I feel like as soon as I had a manic episode, I got on the AP-train and there's been no getting off. The main one I take -Seroquel- IS a magic pill when it comes to coming down from hypo/mania, but I have no way of knowing if it's truly preventing more episodes or if I wouldn't be having episodes anyway; it's that not-knowing that makes me want to stop it completely sometimes. But pdocs seem to shake in their boots when it comes to preventing hypo/mania and so will want patients to have to deal with any number of side effects in order to do that -or to APPARENTLY do that...

It would really suck for me not having benzo's --I'm sorry your pdoc won't prescribe them. Though I hear that once you're on them, you're kind of stuck because they're so hard to come off of.

Thanks for this. Coming on Psych Central made me feel I was better off without benzo's...although I cannot remember any bad side effects coming off. My prescription ran out and after that I had a real hard time getting it filled. I don't consider that I was physically addicted.

I should add that I quit smoking cigarettes (and ingesting all nicotine) two years ago after being a lifelong smoker.

So I had the double whammy of no more smoking and no more benzodiazepine...after decades of using both.

I am sorry to report life feels much harder now. Yet I am physically better being a non-smoker. I read that smoking causes anxiety...but it seems with me it was the opposite.

Perhaps I could "normalize" my situation by saying yes, right now I am dealing with ongoing anxiety, which I hate. It is very difficult to manage...but I have not yet found a replacement for what I was using.

I am in a lot of pain...mentally, emotionally, and I even think aches from tense muscles.

Oh well.

[Row Jimmy]

I actually think I've become more of a wiseass than I was before. Lithium has made me goofier in a lot of ways.

[OctobersBlackRose]

I.dont really think I lost my personality too much from meds...

I have too much personality....it's killing me. I'm so many things simultaneously right now. Grey is black with cravings for white!