[vintagexsoul]

I realized my last two manic episodes...I kinda....flirted, behaved crazy and inappropriately with a boss at work because I had the delusion that he was into me. I mean, I really, really thought he was. But it was all in my head. And I did some pretty impulsive crazy things and now I'm like...well damn.

I've been doing my best to be a helpful, hard working associate. I've been going out of my way to be as good as possible to make up for all the crazy that happened. I've been friendly, like a friend but working relationship friendly. Respectful. After a couple of days of cold behavior from him, he started warming up to me again. Now he's appreciative and smiling. But I still feel awful for how I behaved, more importantly, for making him so uncomfortable. I was always his favorite and then I went psycho on him. After all the kind things he has done for me, and I mean he took a bullet for me before when he isn't even my manager. He's been very sweet to me. So I feel so, so awful. And its embarrassing I have to go in every day and be like yeah I behaved that way and flirted with you, and gave you a poem. Mhm. I did that.

I think I will casually mention being bipolar makes me act kind of crazy from time to time and let him know the symptoms of when I'm manic. He already knows I'm bipolar and disabled. But really....facing the humiliation is so tough. At least I've smoothed relations and we get along perfectly fine. People are telling me what happened isn't as bad as it seems. But its like a catastrophe in my head. And I really do have feelings for him (working on that one too).

(((((Hugs))))). That is a lot to go through and I believe you are being very appropriate and mature about all of this. I think you are right and that people are right and this is not as big as you FEEL it is right now. That doesn't make your current feelings invalid. ((((Hugs)))). In time it will feel different....you honestly might be able to look back and laugh at it someday. I had a fantasy crush on a college professor once and was sure we were both feeling it and I made a move and was uncertain of his response and fortunately class ended and I didn't have to ever see him again.

As this guy knows about your bipolar it would not be unreasonable to say something along the lines of "one of the symptoms of my illness is misreading signals. It embarrassing now but I did belief the feelings were mutual at the time. I see now they are not and respect that. I'm
A mature adult and so are you. I hope we can put this misunderstanding behind us and focus on being the professionals we are. Something like that would be fine. It's thorough but intentionally vague without being false in anyway. Stress the importance of being mature and moving forward. You both need to remain mature in this situation and hopefully he will just be flattered and understand. I bet he will. I bet everyone does. We all misread things sometimes. (((Hugs)))

[vintagexsoul]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

(((((Hugs))))). That is a lot to go through and I believe you are being very appropriate and mature about all of this. I think you are right and that people are right and this is not as big as you FEEL it is right now. That doesn't make your current feelings invalid. ((((Hugs)))). In time it will feel different....you honestly might be able to look back and laugh at it someday. I had a fantasy crush on a college professor once and was sure we were both feeling it and I made a move and was uncertain of his response and fortunately class ended and I didn't have to ever see him again.

As this guy knows about your bipolar it would not be unreasonable to say something along the lines of "one of the symptoms of my illness is misreading signals. It embarrassing now but I did belief the feelings were mutual at the time. I see now they are not and respect that. I'm
A mature adult and so are you. I hope we can put this misunderstanding behind us and focus on being the professionals we are. Something like that would be fine. It's thorough but intentionally vague without being false in anyway. Stress the importance of being mature and moving forward. You both need to remain mature in this situation and hopefully he will just be flattered and understand. I bet he will. I bet everyone does. We all misread things sometimes. (((Hugs)))

Oh my goodness, I appreciate this so much. And yes, I really am trying to be an adult about it...mainly because we have to work together, and he was always an ally of mine. In my defense, he went out of his way to be sweet to me, when he isn't like that with other people. He treated me differently than how he treats others. And he gave me a pet name. Always acted a bit odd around me and let me get away with things when he is such a hardass on other people. My previous manager, who shared office space with him, though he had a crush on me too. Because I confided in him about it. We both thought it, and another worker commented on this boss liking me. So I really thought something was there. We're also the same age...and basically the same person, just different genders. We very much alike. And he's shared some pretty personal things with me when he probably shouldn't have.

But yeah, I think I will say something like, "One of the worst parts of being bipolar is that my behavior gets crazy every once in a while. Erratic, impulsive, odd. Jon (previous manager) had to deal with it. You can always tell I'm manic if I'm being overly flirtatious, reckless, impulsive, hyper, restless and strange. Usually after an episode, I have to go around apologizing for my behavior." Then apologize. So basically, this is why I went crazy and I'm very sorry for it all.

I am laughing at some of it.....like when he sat down really close, and I know he wanted to talk about this. I panicked and was like, "I have a funny story for you." And he got this oh my god look of irritation and sat up. So I told him the funny story, distracted him until my break ended a few minutes later. Told him it was time to fix things coz that's what he pays me to do, then ran off. I had no idea it would work. But when he came by later he was all smiles so he got what I was saying in subtext.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Hmm I think I would need details to be able to gauge the damage lol. But yea if he knows you're BP then let him know that's one of your symptoms but keep it light. Don't give him too heavy of a story or he might not understand and get uncomfortable. Keep the water cooler talk short and sweet while keeping professionalism.

But what made you flirt in the first place? Do you have a tiny feeling for him? I ask because even when I'm manic I only flirt with guys I'm attracted to. And yea I'm sure I scared many away lol.

I get exactly how you're feeling. Most of us have been there one hard time or another. Trust me on that. This will blow over soon and maybe you guys will laugh about it some day. Who knows!

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by vintagexsoul

I've smoothed relations and we get along perfectly fine. People are telling me what happened isn't as bad as it seems. But its like a catastrophe in my head. And I really do have feelings for him (working on that one too).

I have been on both sides of that kind of dilemma. Keep on doing what you have going and keep directing the one-sided feelings to flow on past under the bridge.