[Wanderlust90]

I havent been able to take contraception since I had my first seizure 3 years ago which they believe could have been caused by a blood clot that went to my brain, the main concern of the neurologist was that this clot was contributed to by my OCP (yasmin), I've since had further seizures probably as a result of the clot having caused damage & scar tissue to form in my brain with a resulting brain lesion. There have been no "accidents" in this time, but they also discovered I have polycystic ovaries since & would likely have difficulty conceiving.

I'm shocked but shouldn't be, we admittedly haven't been that careful & quit smoking MJ approx 2 months ago which I think must have played a big role in keeping me from falling pregnant previously because I'm now 6 weeks pregnant.

My first reaction was shock & horror, I want a baby one day but defiantly not right now. I've been so worried about not being able conceive & now it's happened I really don't want it to have. I'm so scared. I'm not ready for a child. I've even had vivid dreams about pregnancy & labor & that was before I found out today. I know it's against the beliefs of many but I'm thouroughly considering termination. I can't tell my mum, she will not accept any other decision other than going through with the pregnancy & I can't stand the idea of even considering that as an option atm, I thought I wanted a child (not right now but in the next few years) but I'm so conflicted now it's a reality. My instinctual feeling is that it's not right, that I don't want this.

[Artchic528]

Congrats....be careful.

[Rabbity9]

If the idea of having a baby right now fills you with dread, that's not a good sign. If you want to offer the best life to potential future children, it may be better to wait until you're ready, emotionally, financially, or whatever else you'll need to feel prepared. It's also usually recommended for people on medications to discuss pregnancy prior to conception with a PDoc, because changing meds might be necessary if any of them are considered risky to a fetus.

It's a personal choice, and there are certainly people who will give you unscientific and judgmental "advice" to convince you to stay pregnant. If, after some soul searching, you decide that you do want to keep the baby, that's okay, but I don't think you should do so unless you really want to. At the end of the day, it's your life. Not your mother's, and not the people who tell you it's against their beliefs.

[Artchic528]

Have you told the father? He deserves to know, as it's his child too.

Also, I agree with you. You're not ready to have a baby, but that's really not my call to make. Whatever you do, do so safely.

[BipolaRNurse]

Please don't abort your baby. There are so many prospective parents out there who would love to have him/her, if you decide you don't want a baby at this time.

Also, consider this: many of us who think we're not ready to have children actually turn out to be good parents. Nine months is a long time to prepare, and maybe by the time you have your baby, you'll find you really are ready after all. Besides, you have PCOS and may never get this chance again...do you want to risk being unable to have a child when you want one?

Just a few thoughts from a mother of five who is admittedly pro-life. ((((HUGS)))) for you whatever you decide to do.

[Wanderlust90]

The father knows, he is my partner of 6 years. He isn't ready for a child but says he will support my decision either way. We're financially not in a great position to think about a family yet, but we're not in a terrible financial situation either. The problem is I've been questioning the relationship for a while, having a baby doesn't fix failing relationships it just makes them messier. I'm not emotionally ready, I've gained my own stability over the last 6 months & im petrified of losing that. 9 months is a long time yes, but I just feel instinctively wrong about it, I'm an overanalyser so I feel the more time I wait to make this decision the harder it will be, I want to go with my instincts & my instinct is that if my initial reaction was that of dread, it's wrong. I want to want a child, to be overjoyed when those 2 lines come up, to have been trying for a baby & have taken the nessecary steps to ensure it has the best start. As it is I've been smoking (cigarettes) & drinking & eating like crap, & im on meds (lamictal, Zoloft & klonopin).

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

Please don't abort your baby. There are so many prospective parents out there who would love to have him/her, if you decide you don't want a baby at this time.

Also, consider this: many of us who think we're not ready to have children actually turn out to be good parents. Nine months is a long time to prepare, and maybe by the time you have your baby, you'll find you really are ready after all. Besides, you have PCOS and may never get this chance again...do you want to risk being unable to have a child when you want one?

Just a few thoughts from a mother of five who is admittedly pro-life. ((((HUGS)))) for you whatever you decide to do.

I understand your point of view & respect it, however I could not carry to full term & then adopt, I just couldn't do it. I also can't risk hoping that I'll be ready & happy to be a mother then when it comes time I find I'm not? I've felt backed into a corner before & my response to that was self harm & suicidal ideation, I go into full crisis mode where I can only think of me, a child doesn't deserve that.

I do fear that I might struggle to conceive later in life if I do chose to abort.

[Faltering]

That is a tough situation and I'm sorry you're going through this. I would suggest thinking carefully about this decision and how it will affect your life. Talk about it with your partner. If you feel you're truly not ready to have a child at this point in your life, I support your right to have an abortion.

[smartiesparty]

You should go to a family planning association (a real one ! not the pro-birth people who try everything to force a woman to give birth to a baby they do not want) and talk your options through with them.

Do not have a child if you don't want it or feel ready for it. A child needs a stable environment and you deserve to have a child when you are ready for it. Also, I would consider you should look into other types of contraception eg. copper IUDS that don't interfere with your birth control.

[Trippin2.0]

What if you can't conceive in future?

Not speaking out of judgement (I had a TOP 2 yrs after my daughter was born) but I'm just thinking with the damage from the yasmin, what if this is your only opportunity? Will you regret terminating?

Nobody ever feels ready for a baby, not even parents who plan them,part of a babys job description is to scare us shytless.

[scatterbrained04]

Deleted. My opinion doesn't really matter anyways. ((((hugs))))

[Victoria'smom]

Motherhood doesn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling, never has, but I'm a great mom. If there's a chance you can't conceive again then this is an even tougher choice. I suspect either decision is going to cause you mourning. Can you meet a therapist a couple of times. I feel "I go into full crisis mode where I can only think of me" will go away once the child is here.

[BastetsMuse]

Be careful and take care of yourself. Get some counseling about this.

[Unrigged64072835]

I support whatever choice you make. I had my daughter on my own when I wasn't ready. It was really hard, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[bizi]

I support you 100%
bizi

[smartiesparty]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

What if you can't conceive in future?

Not speaking out of judgement (I had a TOP 2 yrs after my daughter was born) but I'm just thinking with the damage from the yasmin, what if this is your only opportunity? Will you regret terminating?

Nobody ever feels ready for a baby, not even parents who plan them,part of a babys job description is to scare us shytless.

The OCP has given her a blood clot and PCOS is a condition that isn't caused by the OCP. Today Polycystic ovarian syndrome doesn't stop people from conceiving, as it is treatable and a lot of people (like the author of the thread) manage to conceive naturally. Also, she is at a high risk, when pregnant, of having troubles with blood clotting again.

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I'm not going to force my beliefs on you (I'm pro-life), but I just want to let you know that these things do have a way of working themselves out. When I had my son, I was 19, scared, barely making above minimum wage, and in a rocky relationship with his dad. In fact, he left me only hours before I found out. It's been a hard road, but we have made it.

Also, I don't want to scare you, but I know people that aborted then later miscarried every time they got pregnant.

Anyway, I support whatever you decide. I know it's scary ((((hugs))))

Why do you try so hard to influence her choice, despite saying you don't want to force your beliefs on her ? Miscarriages have nothing to do with abortion, unless of course, they were done by the woman secretly with questionable objects or potions.

To the thread author again; you should talk this through with someone you trust, maybe your partner but in the end, the choice is yours. Also, please talk to a doctor about the medications you are taking, as the Lamictal and Klonopin have unknown issues on fetuses, Lamictal being said to be teratogenic.

There are all these mothers who didn't want their child in the beginning and end up loving them unconditionally and they are their joy and pride.

But there are also mothers who didn't want their child and who can't love them, ever and who regret giving birth to their children. People don't like to talk about these mothers, but they exist.

If your partner and you can agree on the fact that you will try your best together to be there for your child, then you could definitely consider keeping it, so it has a mother and a father.

I've been in your shoes and I'm sending you big hugs. I chose to abort and while I struggled with it I don't regret it, at all. I wasn't stable, and in my personal circumstance I knew in my heart and in my gut that it wasn't the right time. For me there is no right time so after I got myself a copper IUD and am happy with it.
In regards to being able to get pregnant again, everyone is different, and I know plenty of women who have had abortions and gone on to have children without issue.
I would also advise talking to a full service family health clinic to discuss your options, just be careful that you aren't going to one of those fronts 'emergency pregnancy centers' that try to push you one way and don't offer other options.

[bizi]

I am surprised that you posted this publicly.
I would delete this thread if I were you.
Just my feelings.
bizi

Why should she not post this? It's under her thread name, not her real name. Is it because you are concerned that people will try and shame her or something?
I just think it's funny that it's appropriate to talk about all sorts of other *extremely* personal things, but when someone is looking for support for a genuine crisis it's inappropriate?

[gayleggg]

I say if you aren't emotionally well enough then terminate the pregnancy. There is no reason to put yourself through that if it's not what you want. A baby deserves a mother who really wants it.

My step daughter has had three abortions and it hasn't made any harder to conceive. She is bipolar and does drugs so she is not ready for a baby. I don't know if she ever will be.

It is your body and nobody should try to convince either direction. Go with your gut feeling.

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by smartiesparty

The OCP has given her a blood clot and PCOS is a condition that isn't caused by the OCP. Today Polycystic ovarian syndrome doesn't stop people from conceiving, as it is treatable and a lot of people (like the author of the thread) manage to conceive naturally. Also, she is at a high risk, when pregnant, of having troubles with blood clotting again.

To the thread author again; you should talk this through with someone you trust, maybe your partner but in the end, the choice is yours. Also, please talk to a doctor about the medications you are taking, as the Lamictal and Klonopin have unknown issues on fetuses, Lamictal being said to be teratogenic.

There are all these mothers who didn't want their child in the beginning and end up loving them unconditionally and they are their joy and pride.

But there are also mothers who didn't want their child and who can't love them, ever and who regret giving birth to their children. People don't like to talk about these mothers, but they exist.

If your partner and you can agree on the fact that you will try your best together to be there for your child, then you could definitely consider keeping it, so it has a mother and a father.

Yup, I have great concerns that a pregnancy may result in yet another clot (not sure of the risk but I know it's elevated), or increased seizures which are also linked to pregnancy. Lamictal in particular has a higher risk of fetal malformations too. So physically it's probably not ideal, but it's not the physical side of things I'm worried about, it's simply that I do not feel I want a child right now, I know people say that almost always changes when baby arrives but still, I can only make a decision based on what I feel now.

I'm going to try to get into see my Dr (GP) today if there are any availabilities when it opens, I have a list of questions to put to him.
What are the potential effects of lamictal, Zoloft & klonopin on baby so far & if I would have to stop these meds?
I have also been smoking tobacco, drinking & not eating well & what would the efffevts of these behaviours be on the baby so far?
What are the risks of increased seizures or clots?
Can I have a pelvic US to determine if I still have cysts on my ovaries?
How likely is it that I would be able to fall pregnant again if I choose to terminate now (I stopped smoking MJ 2 months ago as well as my partner, has this increased my chances of falling pregnant, went 3 years with similar contraceptions methods & it didn't happen in all that time)?
How I actually go about organising termination & if I should have a medical or surgical termination?
What will they do, will I have any anaesthetic?
Do I need to see an OBGYN to investigate my cystic ovaries & fertility prior to deciding to terminate or not?
What medications are available to increase fertility with PCOS?

Im going to try to access counselling services from someone who deals with these situations specifically. I'll likely need to see my neurologist again soon, & maybe my pdoc too. I know I likely have approx 4-6 weeks to make a decision.

Thanks so much everyone for your support!

I am so sorry for the decision you are facing right now. I hear your points on all sides and can clearly see how difficult this all is for you. I can't offer an opinion because this isn't my decision nor will the decision you make effect me. I'm pro-choice and believe each person should be allowed to make the choice which is right for them. I support you no matter what you decide. (((Lots of hugs)))

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am surprised that you posted this publicly.
I would delete this thread if I were you.
Just my feelings.
bizi

We have messaged privately too bizi & I appreciate you reaching out however I stand by my decision to share publicly in order to get more opinions/personal experiences & support. Psych central has really helped me numerous times when I've felt I can't discuss things with my family/friends & treating team. I understand the subject may be very triggering for some & I regret if any are offended, perhaps a moderator could add a trigger warning?

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( Wanderlust ))))))

Much love to you as you sort things out.
I am sorry you are having to deal with extra right now.
You have my support unconditionally.


WC

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Wanderlust90

I havent been able to take contraception since I had my first seizure 3 years ago which they believe could have been caused by a blood clot that went to my brain, the main concern of the neurologist was that this clot was contributed to by my OCP (yasmin), I've since had further seizures probably as a result of the clot having caused damage & scar tissue to form in my brain with a resulting brain lesion. There have been no "accidents" in this time, but they also discovered I have polycystic ovaries since & would likely have difficulty conceiving.


I'm shocked but shouldn't be, we admittedly haven't been that careful & quit smoking MJ approx 2 months ago which I think must have played a big role in keeping me from falling pregnant previously because I'm now 6 weeks pregnant.


My first reaction was shock & horror, I want a baby one day but defiantly not right now. I've been so worried about not being able conceive & now it's happened I really don't want it to have. I'm so scared. I'm not ready for a child. I've even had vivid dreams about pregnancy & labor & that was before I found out today. I know it's against the beliefs of many but I'm thouroughly considering termination. I can't tell my mum, she will not accept any other decision other than going through with the pregnancy & I can't stand the idea of even considering that as an option atm, I thought I wanted a child (not right now but in the next few years) but I'm so conflicted now it's a reality. My instinctual feeling is that it's not right, that I don't want this.

Well!!! Congrats??? I'm sorry you went through hell with birth control. They say only 30+ year olds get clots but I've seen a patient get one at age 22, non smoker, very healthy. So yea it does happen. I got preg on purpose with my ex when I was 24 but it resulted in a miscarriage where I found out my blood was RH negative. That's where you have a very rare blood type and it sees your baby as a parasite and attacks it. But it can be controlled by a single injection. My step sister has the same thing and is currently preg with twins. This will be her SEVENTH kid!! But still I'm terrified to get pregnant again and my cycle stopped from psych meds so at the same time I'm worried I'll never have kids.

I imagine you are very scared now. I would be! Many would be. But hopefully that will pass and you can embrace this. Wish you the best of luck and congrats again. Stay healthy!!

Adding... I understand and support whatever decision you make. Stay strong. What does the father want to do???