[HALLIEBETH87]

It's 2016. A year later. But it's yet another sleepless night. A year ago on this night I wanted nothing to do with life. I was finished. Done.

That next day, December 21 is one I won't forget. The police showed up at my house and sent for an ambulance. I had reached out for help in crisis to talk about what I was feeling and wanted to do. They almost forced me to go with them. I was humiliated and terrified and angry all at once. I felt betrayed by the chat room host who sent an officer to my house.

I'm not even thinking about that right now. Instead I'm Overcome with all sorts of things going on in my world right now. I have two friends With cancer and my cousin might have it. One friend may be dying. I'm broke all the time and can't pay my bills and that's a huge stressor for me. My sister just had a miscarriage. We had a huge water leak at my house a month ago and it's still a wreck while we wait for the company to schedule work for us. I think my car needs new tires and I have No money for that. I'm in a new relationship that both excites and terrifies me. I have begun volunteering and I'm looking at starting part time work next year. Let's not even start on all the hate and destruction in this world!

All of that and more is going through my restless mind tonight. What I CAN say is that I am different. This time last year I was going to steal my uncles gun and had given up on life. Now, I keep fighting because I refuse to give in now. I've Worked too hard and too long! So much hurts in my heart tonight but oh So much is better too.

I know I can do it. Because, I am doing it.

[Wild Coyote]

Thanks for sharing this. You speak to my heart tonight.

I have just spent two days with specialists and am wondering where I'll find the money and the fortitude to participate in the proposed treatments. I've been a compliant patient for 30 years. Treatment proposals are becoming more likely to cause additional medical issues. It's a tough choice; yet, there's only certain types treatment that might allow me to keep walking.

Life is so full of many types of challenges, as you have mentioned. It can become very overwhelming. The financial stress, alone is a major stressor.

I am glad you are in a better place this year.

Your sharing serves to also remind us all that despite challenges, our overall perspective can change for the better. It's a message of hope.

Thank you!


WC

[Shazerac]

You are in a better place than you were last year. That's progress even though it might not feel that way at the moment. Having sick friends and financial issues is an enormous stressor. I wish there was something I could do to help. Sending you hugs

[Victoria'smom]

I'm glad you're doing better.

I am so glad you are doing better, HALLIEBETH.
Quite inspirational. Thank you.

[~Christina]

I remember that night ! I was so worried !

You have worked you're assss off big time to get to this place in you're life. You want to live and enjoy life again and that is priceless !

I know it's hard to see family members and friends going through awful things and not much you can do other than be there for them and pray.

You have a great team to help you manage Bipolar and help lift you up.

I think the peer support is a fantastic thing. You are giving of you're time to help others, not everyone can say that.

Money ? Yuck ewww gross. Financial problems hit everyone in some form or fashion. I think it's all boils down to deciding a way to budget money, I have gone on a few shopping sprees that I still regret. You know I'll help you with that.

You and boyfriend seriously are adorable.....In pics you both have fantastic smiles and are truly enjoying time together.

I think you situation boils down to you being hell bent on having a life that you deserve and you want.

I imagine you will sleep great tonight. Just getting all this out of your head is going to lessen the weight on top of you.

I'm damn proud my friend !

[Unrigged64072835]

You're doing better, and that's good. It's progress, and it helps. The other things will get sorted out.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I just needed to vent and share that there IS hope! Things can still suck but you can't give up.