[xRavenx]

I have been reflecting on the whole stigma surrounding Bipolar Disorder and the decision as to how much to reveal to friends, or ways to get them to understand different experiences those with the disorder face.

I choose not to disclose right away, but it does get to a point in a friendship where I feel inclined to talk to a friend about some of my behaviors so that they understand the reason behind certain phases I go into. For instance, it takes a lot to push myself while in depression, and sometimes I'll explain this to my one best friend. She understands depression in reaction to a bad event that happens, but not true depressive episodes that aren't necessarily triggered by an event. Then, she likes to throw in, "You have a lot to be thankful for." This makes me feel worse, because I know I have things to be thankful for, but it does not fix the way I feel. I also wish so badly that I lack motivation in depression, but people take it personally at times. It adds extra pressure.

Decisions I've made during mania that were kind of 'out there': I feel she sometimes tries to use against me and judges me for mistakes I've made. It hurts me that she really thinks I want to use this as an excuse. Well, not all the time, but she did this yesterday, so now I'm hypersensitive. I already punish myself every day for my mistakes, so it makes it so much worse when someone is making me feel bad and is very triggering. I'm not saying she completely lacks empathy, but I wish there were ways I can get her to understand better. A lot of times, she does mean well.

Another reaction I get: whenever I'm going through depression, one friend will just say that the answer is just to turn to religion and pray. I have no problem with her views, but I'm not super religious (although I have my own spiritual beliefs). I know people mean well, but I just wish I can find a friend who really seems to want to understand Bipolar Disorder: the guilt when we crash, the out of character, erratic behavior during mania, the psychosis, the fear, etc. I often feel fragmented or confused about my sense of self from the differences in my behavior in all these different phases and episodes.

What's your opinion and/or experiences with disclosing BP to friends? Have they been accepting or understanding? In some ways, do they sometimes trigger you by their lack of understanding? I wish others would understand.

[wildflowerchild25]

My only friends are my two sisters in law. I'm very close to the one of them (my husband's sister). She has bp as well so I don't worry about her judging m my other sister in law doesn't judge either my brother kind of judges but not as much anymore because he's gone through some depression himself recently. So my experiences have all been positive.

I don't plan on making any other fri he's so I don't think I'll ever need to reveal, unless I somehow miraculously meet another man. I think if friends ditch you because of bp then they aren't really friends anyway.

[usehername]

I have 1 best friend of several years who understands because she's a CNA who has cared for many mentally ill during crisis.

I used to have my mother (my best friend ever, who I lived with) who I believe was on the bipolar spectrum, but she passed two years ago now.

Now, I'm a peer counselor at a locked down inpatient psych hospital. I have TONS of people to talk to, and have made friends with some of the other peers and one very cool MHT who actually gets it (slowly, of course).

[emgreen]

I inform people very selectively, but if my behaviors become evident I will disclose the fact that I have BP...or at least suffer from severe depression. I attend regular AA meetings & will periodically disappear from meetings for months at a time when having episodes. Rather than having my AA compadres think I've been back out drinking, I mention my struggles with MI at my regular, committed meetings (continuous sobriety is very important to me).

As far as other folks, I'll tell very close friends about it since my symptoms are often EXTREMELY evident. As far as acquaintances go, I don't feel there's a need to disclose. In other words, I share on a "need to know basis." My experience is that most people could care less...& if people are put off (& a very few are), screw them! Ultimately, I think the decision is up to the individual.

[Coconutzo]

I share with people who I connect with on that level, regardless of our closeness. Some people just understand mental turmoil and have had experiences with it. Others...not so much. The exception,of course,are people very close to me who are directly effected by it. I tell them and try to refrain from taking too personally their ignorance or assumptions. I love it when they ask open questions and am happy to fully disclose my experiences so as to demystify the actual disorder. That being said, if their reaction turns to judgement and shaming or blaming every little thing that happens on my illness, I have to put space between us and move on with my life. There are SO MANY empathetic, compassionate people who will not just see you(us) as the sum of an illness, but rather someone individual and amazing who happens to deal with the hurdles of mental illness. Why waste your(our) time with ones who can't, won't, or don't deserve to "get it"?

[LacunaCoiler]

I share with everyone, I want people to know that just because I'm bipolar doesn't mean I'm any different than anyone else. Just because I have it doesn't mean I can't function like a "normal" person.

I have lost a very dear and close friend (we've known each other since the seventh grade and we're now in our 30's) because of it. It basically came down to me not flying up to Chicago to attend her wedding because I was having a really bad episode. I guess she didn't understand or chose not to understand (even though she's taken many psychology classes in college- So I thought she'd be the one to understand the most.). It sucks, but what can I do?

Overall, most people have been understanding and patient with me about it. I'm a firm believer that people won't understand unless it's talked about and shown that we're just like "normal" people. Yes, there's trials along the way, but I want to show I'm the same person I was before I was officially diagnosed. Plus, it helps with them understanding my erratic behavior a little more when I disappear because of depression or act really off when I'm manic.

I'm sorry you have to go through this with your friend and I wish you the best when it comes to disclosing or not disclosing.

[Shazerac]

It's always a risk telling friends. Some people get it and some people just don't. Be prepared to hear all kinds of unhelpful and even hurtful advice. When someone tells me to pray myself into wellness, or make a list of things I'm grateful for I just tell them "thanks for your advice, I tried that. It didn't work for me" and leave it at that.

[xRavenx]

Thanks everyone for your input and for sharing your experiences.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

It's always a risk telling friends. Some people get it and some people just don't. Be prepared to hear all kinds of unhelpful and even hurtful advice. When someone tells me to pray myself into wellness, or make a list of things I'm grateful for I just tell them "thanks for your advice, I tried that. It didn't work for me" and leave it at that.

That's a good way of dealing with it. I'm going to take that avenue in the future when a friend suggests something like that, and if they don't understand, I am going to try not to take it personally.

[JustJace2u]

Most of my family knows, but that's only because I was in the hospital just after Thanksgiving. As far as friends are concerned, I've been very selective in who I've been telling, really only those that I've known for at least a few years and that I feel will be supportive.

[pirilin]

I will disclose only to the ones that pay my rent.

[Bipolarchic14]

I share my diagnosis with some friends and close family so I have people to reach out to when I need support. Hopefully they will allow me to return the favor when they go through something. Also I have a very religious friend too ( masters in divinity and some other one I can't remember). She always says I should pray too and I do! Please God don't make me listen to her preachings again.