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#1
Jan 03, 2017, 07:04 PM
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I just told my t I didn't think I had Bipolar and she agreed with me. I do not want to live most days. I feel that I take up space on the planet and do not contribute. She said I had depression. She asked if I ever had mania. I do not remember. I have been unstable, what does that look like, melancholy blues, electric greens and drops of spinny orange against a wavering creme de la creme background. I want to stop all my meds. They don't work anyway. Up, down, inside out, lay me flat on a lawn in the rain until I pale in the softened moonlamp.
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 Anonymous45023, BeyondtheRainbow, Fuzzybear, gina_re, Icare dixit
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#2
Jan 03, 2017, 07:23 PM
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Well that's certainly poetic like a bipolar person! I can't tell these depressive thoughts from bipolar depressive thoughts or vise versa
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg  Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#3
Jan 03, 2017, 08:10 PM
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My t can slide down the spirals. She gets me. She shines a light within the dark fathoms of my being and sees the strength of my core when I see nothing but wispy tendrils of smoke. My pdoc is a silly little bunny that scampers amongst the oak roots. He's likable but daft. I can make him curse. He just copped my dx from the last pdoc. What if I have been on the wrong meds for the last 20 years? Do I care? No. Why bother caring? All I can do is start over tomorrow. Pardon for being morose but it is perplexing after all these years.
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 Coconutzo
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#4
Jan 03, 2017, 08:12 PM
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....A silly little bunny that scampers...."
:Rofl:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#5
Jan 03, 2017, 08:47 PM
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yes he reminds me of the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, always in a hurry, with a million patients to see, and so little time...
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#6
Jan 03, 2017, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#7
Jan 04, 2017, 05:30 PM
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I sounds like melancholy, like you said. Not very typical of BP. There's at least another type (or only another; atypical depression; it's hard for me to tell, having BPD as well).
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
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#8
Jan 04, 2017, 07:46 PM
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Sometimes it's hard to tell when you're in hypomania. I think you technically need only one episode for four days to receive the diagnosis. Your pdoc would be the best person to stabilize you with what medication is needed based on your past history. But you know yourself better than any of us do and between your t and your pdoc, I'm sure you can find the best treatment for you. Please take care of yourself.
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