[sebby1234]

Hi all.

I'm a 40y/o guy and just joined the form. Have had on and off depression episodes since high school which got progressively worse over time. About 12 years ago, I had the first "diagnosis" of being Bipolar (and later determined as Bipolar 2, possibly Cyclothimic as I tend to cycle and have mixed states).

Unfortunately, meds have had a limited effect so far. Been on Paxil, Lexapro, Welbutrin, Ability, Lamotragine, Depakote, Latuda and Lithium. Currently on a Lithium, Ability and Lamotragine. Unfortunately, with the other meds, anti-depressants tend to make me rapid cycle so we are removing the Lamotragine. But then, none of the anti depressants seem to help much. Lithium seems to help at least with the cycling. But I am depressed most of the time and I still feel mixed episodes at the time.

But over the last 2-3 years a number of other problems have cropped up.

* Rarely able to sleep more than 4-5h in a row. I can work with it on weekends where I can take naps if really needed, but not much I can do when I have to work.
* Concentration is really low on most day. Often the thought of doing anything involved causes anxiety.
* On some days, short term memory is non existent. I can forget where I am driving to or forget what a conversation is about mid-way.
* Had a significant loss of physical energy. Just going to run errands generally drains me for a while. Doing exercise will drain me for hours.
* Body aches all over. Joints have been hurting, so has my back and neck. Been going to the chiropractor for a year now hoping to fix this but no result, despite never having back or neck problems before.
* Heat sensitivity and I will overheat and drip sweat at nothing.
* And obviously with the depression, I have no interest in much and have little to no will to socialize with others.

Now I am at the point where my absences from work and my general performance have been a significant issue. I'm at the "fix it real soon or get fired point". Was basicly forced into taking a leave of absense. My Doctor did reluctantly agreed to a 1mo leave. It helped some but was not enough to make a big difference. So I presume I will likely loose my job in the next few months unless I can conjure a miracle.

Been looking for a new job in my field what has lower expectations and stress. But however, in the past it would take a couple interviews to get an offer. Now I am 5 interviews down, failing them one by one and no offer to show up.

I am unsure of what my future has for me. Despite efforts, I have been only deteriorating with no light at the end of the tunnel. At this rate, I will be jobless, my wife will leave me. It feels like I will have to accept that I may not be able to get a job in my industry anymore and will likely have to deal with menial work at a significant pay cut.

I just can't see right now how life is supposed to get any better... Any advice is appreciated!

[Ocean Swimmer]

Are you in a support group?
Nami has one thru Dbsa in most cities. It's free. Your wife could attend too.
Maybe she'll learn about bipolar and help you.
Medications can help control BP. But you need more.
Some sunshine. Activity. Good fresh food.
Some are helped by vitamins and amino acids.

[Musician1980]

I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through.

There are a lot of variables in play here and some that stick out the most are inadequate sleep, lack of an antidepressant (which often helps with chronic pain issues), and it's unclear why you're removing lamotrigine since it's not an antidepressant but an anticonvulsant/anti-epileptic drug. I was only sleeping for 4-5 hours a night on Abilify but was able to take 1-2 hour long naps as needed throughout the day so it ended up working out, but without those naps I can easily see how a situation could degenerate.

Also, I am surprised you're worried your wife will leave you. Does she know how you're struggling? With all respect, if she's the kind of person who doesn't love you for you and is right out the door when you're down, she can't possibly be the right partner for you. Either you're not giving her enough credit or it's a big mismatch.

Wish you the best.

[Trippin2.0]

So sorry to hear life has been taking a nose dive

Some of what you've described resonates with me, and coincidentally it was happening to me while I was on lithium.

The lethargy, concentration and memory issues... It actually kept me quite depressed and apathetic to be honest, then add the host of other intolerable side effects, and it was just a miserable existence for me.

It was so bad I flushed my meds and stayed without for three years.

Lucky for me it was the only change in my meds so I was able to identify it as the culprit.

Now idk if its what is causing your current struggles, but I do strongly suggest looking into a med overhaul, it may just be what you need to get back on track at work, and personally too.

I used to supplement my diet with a monthly B12 shot, a herbal tonic for concentration (my friend gives it to her son for his ADHD) and sometimes an energy drink or two.

With all that being said, I'm now doing monotherapy and am only on Depakote 400mg twice a day and am responding well.

I think for me less is more though, trying to medicate every symptom was overkill, so now I just take a mood stabilizer and deal with the rest as they come.

I know that's not a solution for everyone, but just sharing my personal experience.

Do you believe you might be suffering from insomnia? Perhaps something to help with sleep is in order? Your not sleeping much but very tired, this can cause pain, fatigue and effect concentration and performance. Did the sleep issues begin when starting the meds? The pain start after?

Do you have FMLA? If not, you might want to talk to your doctor about getting it to protect your job while you get this straightened out. FMLA can help with absences and also require the company to give you reasonable accommodations so you can stay at your job. They can reduce workload, stress, allow you more frequent breaks, etc. it would be terrible to take a job with less responsibilities and pay, then suddenly find what works for you and have lost your senority at your current company.

However, if you feel that switching jobs could be a solution, definately keep exploring that. But you need a year on the job to qualify for FMLA.

I'm sorry you are suffering and hope you feel better soon. I've also been advised to never make big dcisions while in a mood episode. Good luck.