Self confidence.

How do I make myself get this back. I use to feel confident but every time since my rock bottom I consider myself little and worthless.
I have a wedding coming up where I want to impress people. Any tips. Oh yeah I'm giving a speech.

Hey boogie, I understand how you feel. What's one small thing you could do right now that would make you feel good? Take small steps, one thing at a time. Your a really good person, try not to beat up on yourself so much....I know that's easier said than done though!! Hugs!

A bit of an exercise for you...

The triggering thought I understand is what will people think of you at the wedding?

List off the automatic thoughts that come to mind. Now, list off the advantages to thinking that way. What works by having these problematic thoughts? What are then the disadvantages to having the thoughts? What can you control? What can you change? And seeing the lists, can you make for yourself a plan of action>

My best friend lost her confidence (she was quite cocky) after a bad breakup. She had gained weight and was with the guy for so long, her lack of confidence spread out to every aspect of her life.
For her, it just took time to heal and to feel herself again, as confidence is part of her character. Hanging out with her friends and doing things she really enjoyed helped get her out of the slump. She got a new job, which led to her getting a new car (her old car was a beater). Changing things so it didn't remind her of the misery she went through. But really, it just took her time to get back into the swing of things.

You are a survivor of bipolar disorder, an immensely destructive and often completely debilitating mental illness that has no cure, only a range of toxic and largely ineffective treatments. Mental illness derails careers, destroys reputations, compromises relationships and bleaches clothing. Others have died from mental illness, yet you have the poise and composure to give a speech at a wedding. Sir, with respect, I find your deficit of confidence reflective of a lack of perspective. Should you find these fighting words, I prefer fisticuffs to firearms. Your recent time in the gym, which I have spent, in striking contrast, recumbent, should provide you a distinct advantage.

Yeah. What lefty said. Rock On.

PRACTICE!

Practice in the car. Seriously. Just drive safely as you do. Practice makes perfect. Enjoy the sound of your speech.

My son stutters - it began when we moved in with my (now ex) 2nd husband, who abused us. My son is an adult. He now takes voice lessons and participates in public speech gatherings all in an effort to learn to speak "normally". He would live a lot to be invited to give a speech at a wedding and to have the ability to give that speech. Please please appreciate the gifts you have.

The following tips have worked for me, and for my brother, who was a very quiet and shy person all his life. He overcame it, and you can too. He became a land use commissioner, and spoke publicly a great deal. Attitude alone, at first is not the solution, in my experience. Attitude and confidence come gradually as you get more experience. There are an unlimited number of ways and "devices" and methods to help yourself. Here are some that worked for me and for my brother.

1. MOST IMPORTANT IS TO Speak on something you know a lot about. And that interests YOU. But also remember that it needs to be something your audience is also interested in! Both sides. Here are a few ideas -- you can think of others if these do not "resonlate" with you. What do you know about the bride's or groom's character? Or maybe something their backgrounds. Do they have hobbies? Hobbies, I think, would be very un-emotional and easy to talk about.

2. It is not forbidden to write your speech down, and read it aloud! Alternatively, you can write yourself a note card (a 5x7 card maybe) with headings to work off of. This is standard practice for many -- if not most -- professional speakers. Notice how they have "powerpoint" slides. Yup -- those slides are for the speaker or professor, as well as for the students/audience! For a beginning speaker, a note card outline is a very good idea, and it's exactly what I did at first. I still do, if it's an unfamiliar topic, even if I am very interested in the topic.

3. Another thing that has helped me a lot -- keep it short. Time yourself with a timer or stopwatch timer. Maybe this is not comfortable for you, but if it is, time yourself over and over again. Most people don't like to listen to long speeches anyway, so if you can make it short, and right on, too the point, it'll go over really well!

4. Why do you think "Speech" classes in school scare people so much? It is because a "subject" or even a "choice of subjects" are often selected by the teacher/instructor. The instructor may not say "pick a topic of great interest to you, and which you know a lot about."

5. I was "put down" by several people over the years who told me that I "could not sing" well. This was completely untrue, and I finally got my confidence back a little at a time. At first, I sang only funny -- hilarious songs. I had plenty of confidence to do that. Gradually I got to doing more serious topics in the songs I sing. I actually made a grown man cry one time with a song!! I felt totally successful, but of course, I felt for his grief. It is a very sad song about a young man who goes off to war, and his sweetheart wonders if she will ever see him again.

As for my own experience, I am a music performer BUT I plan to tell a "little [funny] story" to introduce a song for my next performance. I figure I'd trip over my words, so I plan to write it down, read it aloud. I am a good musician and can read music and play by ear BUT I can't memorize the verses. So I put up a music stand and read the verses as I sing.

Basically, do whatever you need to do, to do a good presentation. Nobody is going to shoot you if you read your talk. But it's possible some wise-guy may try to put you down -- so be prepared -- I say something like "How 'bout YOU do it next time." Short and too the point. Don't let anyone's dumb remark bring you down. I doubt this will happen in a group of friends, but one never can be sure, so be prepared for criticism and don't accept it at all. Do your best, and continue to speak at other events. The more you do it, the easier it gets. I've learned to thrive on it! I love it! A few years ago, though, I made a comment before a crowded city council meeting. My voice was find, but my hands were shaking, quite lot. After the meeting, a woman came up to me and said -- admiringly, I believe, that maybe she didn't think she could've spoken out -- I didn't take it as a put down-- She said, "I could tell you were scared to death up there!" I was surprised to hear her say that, and honestly replied, "Well, as a matter of fact, I wasn't!" Now, my hands don't shake. However if I am unprepared, I stumble all over my words. That's why I time myself...it helps me become better prepared.

Hope these are helpful, and by the way, some stock groups and programs are not helpful. My brother tried one that is national, and it did not help him at all. I went to a meeting or two of the same group/different city. They had a Topic of the Week. I don't think any of the people there ever did real public speaking -- they just prepared for the Topic of the Week and talked only to their group. That's not to say that there are not any helpful groups; there are probably some out there.