[manicattack]

I've dealt with having bipolar disorder since 2007. I've been unmedicated for the last 7 years successfully. Until recently. I'm waiting for a psych referral to go through so that I can see about getting back on meds. It's been over two weeks and I haven't heard back so I'm a little impatient.

I need counseling and help getting back on track. After losing my job last April and then having no luck finding something to replace it that has benefits or decent pay I'm feeling a little less than stellar. I've never had trouble finding jobs in the past but suddenly, I can't seem to land one. It's making me wonder if maybe I'm not that great of a candidate?

I'm currently a house wife and I know my husband hates it. I hate it. I'm overwhelmed by searching for jobs and also feeling responsible for everything at home because I don't have a job. I am disappointing my husband because I don't get every chore done before he's home and also am not cleaning or being productive household wise when he is home. I'm failing him and I can see that.

I'm not sleeping well and I feel like writing or doing my art stuff but I know that will signal to him that I'm not "well" and it will stress him out, so I haven't. I colored tonight and then he was very short with me because our puppy had an accident when I wasn't paying attention.

I stood in the bathroom and stared out the window for a while just to get out the worthlessness I felt before he noticed it. I have nothing to be sad about and it would just stress him out.

The sinking feeling I have feels like all the air in my chest leaks out and all my emotions go with it. It lasts a few hours and goes away when something happy happens, but comes right back when something is wrong again.

Monday needs to come so I can call my doctor.

[zijax]

Communication in a marriage is what makes it successful. What about sitting down with him and explaining that you are not feeling well and you are doing the best you can right now, that if you could do better, you would. Explain your guilt but also your inability due to the bipolar to improve until you get some help. That you are making strides in the right direction to get back on medication, that you need his support and love while you go through this 'down time.'Just be honest.

[Skeezyks]

Well you certainly do have something to feel sad about! You lost your job & so far haven't been able to find a new one. I don't know if you were 100% responsible for the household when you were working. If so, that's a problem right there.

Effective job search is a full time job in-&-of itself... & a pretty thankless one at that much of the time. You can't mount an effective job search & also be 100% responsible for maintaining the household (including a new puppy) and have everything spic-&-span by the time your hubby comes home after work. That is beyond unreasonable... in my opinion. From my perspective, both you & your husband are placing a boatload of unreasonable expectations squarely on your shoulders at a time when you need to be at your best so you can mount an effective job search.

Certainly seeing a therapist, & perhaps getting on some new med's, may be helpful. But they won't resolve the interpersonal problems you & your husband have in your relationship. At some point the two of you may want to consider some couples counseling to help you resolve what is happening in your marriage & what all of this blame & responsibility you are wilting under is doing to you.

[PolkaDotStars]

Seven years is definitely a long time. Until my diagnosis, I was unmedicated for two and a half years. Both the psychiatrist and I thought that was already a long time.

I have been there myself. The days are very, very long. Not only that, they are incredibly depressing as you have nothing else to do all the time. Try to exercise and/or go to the library. I used to do volunteer work, but they only offer it a few days a week. It generally doesn't run on a daily schedule.