[Anrea]

I know the normies and Dr.'s call what I do Delusions. But, I thought Delusions were only seeing things or hearing things that aren't there. But, I found something online that was thought provoking: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/delusion/

So, if you guys want, we could talk about what 'Delusion' is to us.

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I noticed in my teens, that I can see patterns in colors, numbers, synchronicity of songs on radio and stuff - to read the pattern of life. Sometimes drugs were involved, and they helped me understand everything. Like once, I remember going to a concert and doing mushrooms, and figuring out the blue shirt people and red shirt people taught me all about how blood moves, and how the whole world is connected.

I figured all kinds of things out in my life. Like sometimes when the clouds are communicating with me in cloud ways - it is like a pull, and I 'read' the clouds and they tell me about me, or my place in life, or world events.

Now, I am over 50, and haven't done drugs in 30 years, don't drink or smoke or anything. I still have delusions I didn't know were delusions, even though people think they are I guess.

I thought things were true.

But I think I am coming out of a delusion, where I thought the clouds were telling me I would win the lottery, and I have been preparing for it, and spending a lot of time planning on what I would do with the money, for my family and my husband and me. For donations and repayments.

But I am probably not going to win the lottery. :/

And this article talks about colors, and license plates - that is EXACTLY what I do. I want to cry.

Do the 'normies' (normal people) really not think like that?

I mean, what is real?

I am so sad to have come out of my delusion. I think this one lasted about - over 3 weeks. I do take meds, but how do we change thoughts? Can meds really change thoughts?

I haven't recorded in my symptoms journal since Jan, and I feel like I am in a new dimension. This one doesn't even hardly feel connected to the me from just a bit over 1 day ago. yesterday I just 'woke up' and felt like, "who was I?" the day before.

But I remember stuff. I am not being like split personality, just...... floating from one me to the next me.

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So, what is delusions like for you?

Good to see you, Anrea! Thanks for the article! It looks like a good one, (but I'm having to save most of it for later when maybe I have better concentration).

I have trouble drawing lines around delusions too. Seeing or hearing what is not there is hallucination. I have those too, but they are easier to sort out. If I see a bus, but then it is not there to get on, aha, it wasn't real. But where is the line on persecution? I'm not sure what my providers have said on this (or any other delusion), but I'm curious to know where they're drawing the lines.

[neodoering]

I have delusions all the time. Lately they have been delusions of grandeur, with my thinking I am God, or at least very powerful and able to strike down tons of people with my mind. I think the major difference between making cockeyed connection in a normal state of mind, and delusions, is that normal states bring me pleasure, and delusions scare me or make me unmoored from reality. Not good. I've heard people argue that mental illness is just an alternative way of seeing reality, but I'd disagree with this. Mental illness disconnects one from reality instead of letting one see it in another way.

[Moose72]

I always thought of delusions as the time I thought a van was following me everywhere and trying to get me. Or the time I thought everyone at the grocery store were aliens and could read my mind.

[MtnTime2896]

Most of my delusions have been pretty terrifying. Like, I thought the voice in my head left and killed my mom. Another time, I was convinced that I was being followed around a neighborhood by a car because he was going to kill me. I don't know if I've ever had a good delusion.

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Anrea

So, what is delusions like for you?

Any outer information or inner hallucination that makes me believe things my reasoning does not compute. I am right in the middle of consultation between my reasoning self and delusional self. We usually get along but I noticed some things that concern me lately.

What you described here is Apophenia, with delusions, which I see as two different things. I wrote something about it and will return to it. I see Her as a curse and a blessing (I love looking for patterns in science and fantasy).

The delusional patterns are a special curse for me. They make part of my personality that draws me here and to my therapist, along with depression, panic, paranoia, and somatic/neurological problems that are not a delusion but probably dismissed as one.

Sorry for such analytical reply, but as I said I am sorting some things in my head. My delusional self I usually keep to myself or dress in symbolism. And my delusional self is not fond of analytical replies like these. I could write pages here about my delusions but better not.

First time I see your post Anrea. And first time someone mentions Apophenia other then me.

[Anrea]

Oh Thank you Everyone! It is so nice to share, and be shared with.

I never heard the term Apophenia before, I appreciate you giving it a name, I am googling that to learn more about it.

Hi Andrea....it's nice to see you again.

I never used to share my delusional thoughts. I knew they wouldn't be thought to be "normal" so I didn't share them. My husband encouraged me to tell my therapist and doctor about them and I'm pretty sure it was the wrong decision but time will tell.

I have delusional thoughts pretty constantly and so do most people actually. My friend recently told me she wants me to tell her when I have them so we were talking on the phone and I pointed out a few of them and she seemed to understand and not understand simultaneously. Like I said, MOST people have delusional thoughts from time to time. It's not the delusional thought that is the problem, it's how much I care about it that is.

So an average day I will have lots of thoughts that could be deemed "delusional" but it's pointless and even harmful to have a doctor call me delusional. Sometimes though, I really CARE about the delusions and they take over my every waking moment and suck all that is good from my life. Other times I care too much but it's a delusion that makes me feel good....and as long as I don't lose touch with the world completely, it's not right for doctors to Medicate it away, nor has any medication been able to change my thoughts. Medication can help me care a little less about them though.

I'm sorry you deal with the delusions too. It's tricky business and adds a great deal of confusion. (((Hugs)))

[junkDNA]

my delusions involve grandiose thoughts about myself, but not in a good way. in a way that i am super important but being targeted for that by various people.

[Ms.MedalingMom]

Anrea,

Hi, all of these things you have explained sound extremely familiar.......my son has been having delusions like this going on a year. Can I ask what your diagnoses is? I may have scanned your post and missed it. My son is not diagnosed, refuses to get help. I don't know what to do to help him. He is 23.

[Anrea]

Me.MedalingMom

My diagnosis are: Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder.

I am 51 now, was first diagnosed in my teens. If your Son does have issues, I hope he cares enough about the possible effects they may have in his life, to accept and seek assistance. By avoiding how my issues may effect my life, I have multiple failed marriages/education attempts/jobs/friendships.

Good luck to us all. <3