[SilverSprings]

Hi all, things have been going really well with the exception of these awful 2x/month rage attacks. They always happen around the "time of month" for me (sorry guys) but it makes it almost inevitable. I am seeing a DBT specialist/new therapist who is awesome.. if i would actually do the work.

Speaking of work, i am in tax season now, and officially 1 year at my new job. Im working 5 days / week, and also at home for my dad. The work is stressful, but also a good/needed distraction from what goes on in my head. However, long hours and big commitments, needy clients and lots of responsibility makes for a few breakdowns a month also. working on all of this..
And on top- i am getting married in under 3 months! sheesh. Talk about triggers, and stress.

This week (pat on the back) i did take a much needed day off "mental health day" as my Pdoc said i needed. As i had been having major insomnia trying a new drug (thanks, Abilify, never again)

I had a bad fight w/ my fiancee last night, we have about 2/month. It always starts w/ me being in my PMS stage, having a trigger thought, and then BOOM i either cry on the spot, or walk away freaking out inside and feel i can not escape from my thoughts, it scares me!!

My goal w/ my therapist was to walk away, write down the thought, and share w/ her late,r, and/or my fiance at a better time... so much easier said then done.

To make matters even weirder/worse, for 2 weeks on was o an Abilify experiment (only 2mg,) i had complete insomnia and was a totally overkill workerbee, acting all kinds of strange. I am off of that now, it was not for me (i miss it, my P-doc said i sounded Manic-y).

So, it looks like my "down" was last night. I always tend to have these "high highs" then a awful crash, which includes a major rage attack. I think the only positive was last night i didnt really throw anything, which for me is pretty big.

What the hell...

Does anyone have ANY suggestions for me dealing w/ this hormonally triggered rage and panic .... just when i am doing well, i feel well (although in the day- i said to him how great it is we have been doing well, talk about jinx-ing)

Thank you for any input. I dont want to kill my relationship. He promises me he is in ti for the long-run (obviously he must mean it as he is still here, and even marrying this psycho). But i want to foster a healthy, loving realtionship.

99% of the time i am the most peaceful happy person. I hate violence, and when others are upset. I am very sensetive person, compassionate and feel this "disorder" bi-polar 2 or whatever label you give it, personally i think "psychosis" was basically where I was last night, how do i get it to leave me alone ?

[TishaBuv]

If you think it's related to PMS, try talking to your gyn. Maybe going on the pill can help.

I once thought what I had was hormonal, but nothing helped me.

When I used to get into some sort of disharmonious (understatement) mood, I would shut myself away from everyone. I think this is particularly important to protect your relationship. The trouble with actually living in the same house with another person is that it's virtually impossible to withdraw completely. Me, I would want to argue, justify, blame, you name it. My solution is not for everyone -- I know I cannot live with anyone at all. Not roommates, not spouses, not my boyfriend. I MUST have my own place. Or at least my own hidey hole somewhere. It's much easier then, no matter what the cause of the rage is. Two other things: Those close to me, I have instructed them if I am leaning on them too much -- depression, negativity, anger, or whatever -- they are to allow me five minutes to talk on the phone. Then, they are to say, gently but mean it absolutely, "Synergy, we've talked for five minutes. Now, I'm going to hang up. If you still need to talk in 15 minutes you can call me back." It was hard to convince those who love me to take this action. They said, but you NEED to TALK about it. I said, "Does it help YOU? Do YOU feel good when I talk like that." Of course, they say, no, it does not feel good to them. I say, "It's bad for ME. Therefore it's bad for both of us if I talk longer than 5 minutes." Just making this agreement has helped me SO MUCH. I don't think I ever once call them back in the same out-of-control mood. It helped me to look at myself realistically. Maybe that tactic would work for you. Or, maybe your fiance will agree to leave the house and go somewhere else for half an hour, and absolute NOT put up with your extreme moods. Otherwise, imo, he'd be being an enabler, and would not help you in the long or short run.

Originally Posted by flowerbells

Those close to me, I have instructed them if I am leaning on them too much -- depression, negativity, anger, or whatever -- they are to allow me five minutes to talk on the phone. Then, they are to say, gently but mean it absolutely, "Synergy, we've talked for five minutes. Now, I'm going to hang up. If you still need to talk in 15 minutes you can call me back." It was hard to convince those who love me to take this action. They said, but you NEED to TALK about it. I said, "Does it help YOU? Do YOU feel good when I talk like that." Of course, they say, no, it does not feel good to them. I say, "It's bad for ME. Therefore it's bad for both of us if I talk longer than 5 minutes." Just making this agreement has helped me SO MUCH.

That is an AMAZING solution! Very proactive and insightful.

Thanks, Innerzone! Yeah, it was getting very burdensome for them, and I felt so weak, that I needed to lean on them so much, so often. Something had to change, or I'd alienate my mother and sister!!!! In fact, it finally did anyway -- both of them essentially told me they could not handle my need-your-support phone calls anymore.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

That is an AMAZING solution! Very proactive and insightful.