[JustJace2u]

My grandmother is back in the hospital for the third time in about two weeks. I'm sad I can't be there since she lives in a different state. They have her on fentanyl now and her kidney function has gone down. I'm a complete mess and just want to crawl into a ball and not feel anything. I can't take this pressure anymore.

[Moose72]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but I think its normal. Its tough to have a grandmother in the hospital. Mine was in a nursing home through the end of her life. She was old, but it still catches you off guard somehow.

[JustJace2u]

She's the last living grandparent I have. We didn't always see eye to eye (she's a very devout catholic) but that doesn't mean I love her any less. She has been living on her own since my grandfather passed away, but thankfully she has children close by to help her when needed. She's 88 now so it isn't like she's not had a long life, but it still sucks.

[Moose72]

That is a long time to live. My grandma was just short of 95. In fact, she thought she was 95. We never expect our grandparents to die. They've always been there and always will be, right?

[JustJace2u]

We always joke that my grandmother would outlive us all.

[gina_re]

I definitely feel your pain. I was in a similar situation back in 2013. My grandmother and I were so close and fought like crazy. It was a very odd relationship, but I miss it so much. Many hugs hugs for you. Please take care of yourself.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I definitely feel your pain. I was in a similar situation back in 2013. My grandmother and I were so close and fought like crazy. It was a very odd relationship, but I miss it so much. Many hugs hugs for you. Please take care of yourself.

Thank you. Since my birth parents got a divorce when I was an infant I've now gone through 5 deaths and this will be the last one, at least of the grandparents. I'm just scared that my emotions will get the best of me and I'll spiral downward again. It's been a rough week as it is since I had surgery a little over a week ago. This whole BP thing has changed my life completely and I effin hate it

[xRavenx]

Anticipatory grief brings out so many difficult emotions. Seeing a loved one suffer is very painful. I can relate, as I've had multiple family members and (most recently) my best friend go through long-term illness until the very end. Dealing with Bipolar on top of it all is so overwhelming....plus that you just had surgery. Self-care is so important during this time, but it is hard to even do so when you are so worried and on edge. Every little bit counts though.

(((hugs))) Take care, Jace2u.

[bizi]

Just wanted to offer you a hug.
(((((HUGS)))))

sorry it is so hard right now.
be strong for your grandmother.
bizi

[Wander]

Sending many hugs. I have lost all my grandparents. It hurts deeply when it happens and I never stop missing them. Do you have support around you?

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

Thank you. Since my birth parents got a divorce when I was an infant I've now gone through 5 deaths and this will be the last one, at least of the grandparents. I'm just scared that my emotions will get the best of me and I'll spiral downward again. It's been a rough week as it is since I had surgery a little over a week ago. This whole BP thing has changed my life completely and I effin hate it

My grandmother pretty much raised me since my parents split when I was five. And she was the oldest (94) and the last of my grandparents to pass as well. It did throw me off, I was a wreck. But stay in touch with your pdoc and t if you have them to get through it all. It threw me off while it was all happening. But you will get through it. Take care of yourself and get help as soon as you need it. pm me whenever you need to.

[Wild Coyote]

Thinking of you -

(((((( Justjace2u ))))))


WC

[JustJace2u]

Thanks everyone. She is apparently doing at least a little better, but is still in and out of consciousness from a medically induced coma.

(((((((((JustJace2u))))))))) You'll be in my thoughts.

[Unrigged64072835]

You and your grandmother are in my prayers.

Sending hugs. I'm so sorry. Only had a grandpa. He passed like 15 yrs ago. Take care of yourself.